Monday, 18 July 2011

ON BEING FAT

So, I have been putting on weight and when I say it, I mean it. I am dead sure that the world is conspiring against me because I suspect that even drinking water is making me grow in degrees. Fine!! I have been hogging a lot and I blame it on the stale hostel food (read crap). I cannot forbid my mind from being fickle and I cannot make myself diet. I am not the kind who screams on seeing flab maybe because I have got well versed with its existence! I tell you something and I am telling you this after decades of experience. Ok! Not decade but years. Being fat or chubby isn’t all that bad. Offcourse you curse the mirror in the trial room, make yourself believe that it’s the cloth that has shrunk and even start wearing black to camouflage, but still it has some very good effects on you too. Santa Claus was/is fat and he still manages to slide down the chimneys. So here are the top five benefits of being chubby.

1)      Natural Armour- Yes sir!! You will be the last person to get killed in a sword or dagger fight or even a stampede. Your fat will prevent the weapon from reaching your vital organs and thus adds some years more to your chunky existence. During a stampede when people manage to climb the hill (You), you will survive it like a warrior. Your fat just takes the form of a cushion guarding your insides. In case you have a car accident, your tummy tyres would become your own personal airbag!

2)      Never the one missing- You will be the last person missing from your group. No one will ever say ‘Hey have you seen him/her?’. You can be easily detected anywhere you go. In other words, you will never be forgotten. Your existence can be traced out even if there are hundreds of homosapiens around you. 

3)      First served- You are given V.I.P treatment at the eating joints. Your food is served first, with extra toppings and if lucky enough, even a complimentary. Even if your lean friend gorges thrice your eating capacity, still it is you who is the princess and it is you my love you gets the second, third, fourth serving. 

4)      Brand New Outlook - Since you are at risk of getting yourself killed due to every other disease known to mankind. Since your dinosaur of a waistline makes you prone to heart-attacks, blood pressure and even diabetes, you look at life with exhilaration. You live everyday as if its your last and the world seems like a big warm Donut dipped in chocolate sauce. You keep hogging and being your lazy self, yet treasuring it all in your belly.

5)      Reserved Seat- You are never the one who is forced to share a seat. While the anorexic concave cheeked friends of yours have to manage with two posteriors in a seat, you get to relax and have one just for yourself. 

Whom am I kidding??!! If any of you actually fell for this imprudent list, I am deeply sorry to burst your bubble. There is nothing good about being fat, and I should beat the Lazy demon within me black and blue and put on those dusty running shoes. Procrastination is still running circles in my head!!!

P.S- I am planets away from being PRECIOUS. (Refer to the image below i.e if she manages to fit in the page)


Image courtesy- dbxforums.com


42 comments:

  1. Ah, the agony of being on the heavier side (and this is me putting it subtly). I am struggling - okay, not really. I have realized that I care that I am fat, just that I am not trying to do anything about it. Denial - you see. Worst enemy. Add to that a mix of procrastination and I-will-start-from-tomorrow; you have a deadly combo(Me) there. :D I liked the categorization but...no, I am snapping out of it :P :D

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  2. Now this is what I call a feel-good article...:)

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  3. Hehehe nice post. Honestly, nothing wrong in being fat. I might be the wrong person to say this being stick thin, but I'm the one of the few ones who wish to be the heavier side. Atleast a bit :)

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  4. Trust you to take sensitive topics which everyone is obsessed with and turn it around :D

    Good one, but what's new:)\m/

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  5. :( I m struggling too to lose weight.. there is nothing good about being fat :( i diet diet and diet and then I crave for Mc donalds browny.. belgium chocolate.. pastries and it all goes in vain :( I m just dont have the will power i feel! The only good part abt being fat is getting the single seat :P

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  6. I'm frigging fat too! :(:(:(:(
    but whose fault is it? they got all those HEAVENLY junk food out there just to break my resolve...and...one thing leads to the other n i find myself hogging and putting on kilos by the day!!!
    yeah...when i get back to college, im putting on those dusty shoes on too! :(

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  7. @MSM- I wish i could snap out of it too:( But you know my mind is ugly and tempts :(
    @Anita- I was just a trial :P
    @Soumya- You are thin as a stick?? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh i hate you sooo much!!!Ok i am just jealous :(
    @Priyanka-This one is too sensitive...esp for me :P
    @Maithili- Even atkins diet wont work on me. I mean it wud hav if i cud take it for more than 2 days! So i have come at peace with my body :P
    @Indumathy- Hehe..ur comment made me smile :P...Yes u and me shall dust our shoes and do our thing :D

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  8. yes! lets do whatever it takes...n kick the flab out of our systems! Er...atleast something close to it! :P

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  9. @Indumathy- Done Dana Done! :P *Hopes*

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  10. Did you know, Nicholas Tesla hated fat people. :P

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  11. Lol...I would say superbly optimistic post!! ;)

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  12. Sympathies. Been there. Who am I kidding? I am still there.
    Figuring out whether to get into the clothes I want to wear by willpower or gun point.

    DIET.. SO not me..
    Been gymming from 5 months. Helped a little but now the body has gotten accustomed to it.

    But one day. Yes one day. this life or the other I WILL BE HOT. And then I ll get back you slim people.
    *winks*

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  13. @Sam- Heh then i must say that i hate Nikola Tesla. Thr is gymmin n dieting for chubbiness but wht bout stupidity. :p
    @Beads- Self convincing post. :D
    @Nia Charms- One day i say..the earth wud be kilos less and the reason wud be us! I am in for the challenge!!!! Slim shadies r gonna get it from us!

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  14. @Red: I loved the Slim Shadie comment. I am with you too! :D :D

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  15. Its sucks to be fat! Plain and simple! :|

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  16. Ah, you take such pride in being a little overweight that I'm thinking to start taking pride in being really underweight!
    :D
    you know, people are mean to the fat ones but they're MEANER to the skinny ones!

    I've got soo much to say, maybe I should blog about it :D

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  17. @MSM-Heheh! Yes together we will make this a fitter place :D. I hope it doesnt remain a distant dream
    @Rachana- i second you ;(
    @Defiant Princess- Yes Blog about its! Wud love to read! But u knw i wud rather prefer being skinny. I mean really! Sob sob

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  18. LOL.
    I remember seeing a flabby man, a real real huge like yokozuna man dancing to the beats of a very popular item number, guess? Sheila Ki Jawaani. And He wasn't Indian, but he could put many choreographers in Indian Industry (the one's who aren't fat) to shame. :P

    So, don't be fat, or he might put you to shame too. :P

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  19. same pinch... to say the least..

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  20. You've been awarded, congratulations!

    http://soumya-hintofme.blogspot.com/2011/07/its-been-good-day.html

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  21. haha!! I am sooo haappy reading this!!its not fat you see! it's just curves ;)

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  22. Oh NOOOOOOOO....till the last punch line i was gleefully reading your post! You pushed me down from Cloud nine, redhanded...I flabby, there is nothing disgraceful about it. Already sold in wedding market and already mother of two kids who came out through c-sections, i can't just come down, how much ever i diet:((( Resigned to my fate now, your five points circling my head all the time from now on;)

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  23. Promoting uniqueness. Flattered. :p

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  24. @Blasphemous Aesthete- I remember that man/hulk. I felt soo good feeling like a mosquito before him. I gained happiness.heh
    @deepika- heh thankyou
    @soumya- thankyou sooo much. I love the award. But u shudnt give it to me. I never take tags. Yes i hate myself too. ;(but i am so grateful
    @ cindrella- or better still...MUSCLE.
    @cloudnine- u make me feel soooo good. But i swear i will not be lazy. I promise. Ok who am i kiddin.
    @srinidhi- heh thankyou
    @Prateek- *smiles like a fool*..thankyou!

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  25. Add one more person whos conspiring against u
    (read - me). Am flummoxed, how does hostel food make u plump? I was in hostel for 3yrs and the damn food cost me abt 7-8 kilos on my already feather-weight body.. Raaz kya hai? xD

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  26. hehehe.. i agree with the reserved seat part.. just 'coz am thin am always getting pushed out of my seat by fat aunties in busses and trains!

    But seriously nothing wrong in being a lil on the heavier side as long as you are fit..!
    Nice post! :)

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  27. haha :D

    I can't tell how much I would love to put on some weight but somehow never managed it :)

    btw I am honored to confer upon you the Best New Blogger Award :)
    http://technoflirt.com/noflirt/2011/07/17/award-winning-speech/

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  28. @Achuthan - Hostel food is like broth, so i always end up going out or ordering. Basically i am a foodie now.
    @Girl at first avenue- Yeh being fit yet plumpy is the need f the hour :D. I can achieve that.
    @Alchemist- Hey thankyou sooo much. But i just saw questions to be answered. U wud hv noticed i hv no post for tags. I want to but i never do. I want the award so badly though. Thankyou soo much. Love the appreciation.

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  29. I can totally relate to this post. I have been procrastinating for so long, now is the right time to shed my lazy bugs away:)

    P.s- i usually put the blame for my fat on my genes:P Guess this time it won't work :)
    Im your new follower.

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  30. duh...Self consoling post...:P

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  31. Ah, you know what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. The fat..err..chubby want to be thin, and the thin want to look chubby.

    And I agree with point no.3. I'm thin(not skinny. My biceps are like a sumo wrestler's), but a major foodie. I love to eat, and thanks to a great metabolism (touchwood touchwood touchwood), I don't put on weight that easily. So whenever I go somewhere, I always get served a miniscule quantity, because the waiters think that I probably don't eat much. :/ I have to look at them pointedly for them to get the hint and serve me a generous helping.

    But all said and said, losing weight is always better in the long run. Better for your health. :) Don't eat less, just eat healthy. And if you still feel healthy with that weight, then there's nothing to worry about. :)

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  32. Addin 6th reason: 'There is "more of you" to love'. Although as you pointed out, these reasons arent reassuring at all. Jog-shoes should continuously be at work !

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  33. Enough with the Size Zero and anorexia. I'd much rather be fat and gleeful rather than starve myself of all that fantastic chocolate just to get an toned figure. You actually end up missing more than what you gain.

    I just couldnt help but gloat, this comment was sent out whilst gorging on a Mega bar of Swiss imported Lindt, Yumm :P

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  34. Hilarious! I was thinking about putting on some weight. I am slim. then I restrained. But now I think why?

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  35. @DISGRUNTLED GENIUS- hahah...yeh thr is more to you as a person..soetimes even a double you. How awesome is tht! No fine! Workout shud b done.
    @Atrocious Scribblings- Lindt!!!! I hate you so much right now. Tmrw m gonna hog huh! Heh thankyou for commenting my girl. Size zero sucks!
    @ Anulal- Thin is good, too thin is ugly. Maybe being fit nd toned is a distant dream.

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  36. Fat lost the war with me a long time back.. now we share a very cosy relationship.. I add loads to his share n he adds inches to my girth :)

    I hvnt yet reached the state of being Precious' brother but I am trying... with every single meal :)

    Yummy post, Red!!! :)

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  37. Nice blog! Read many of your posts and found them really good :-)

    This one, was as hilarious as the others!Loved it :-) It is a new perspective, but might gain popularity, so keep adding to the list ;-)

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  38. @R-A-J- Hahha! Together we shall and we will beat precious down. :p
    @Aakansha- Hey thanku so much! Mean it. Helps me write better. Heh

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  39. Grump Grump. Why is everyone talking about this and bursting my little bubble. Aint I happy skipping walks and forgetting my shoes ?!!! Waah waah... :(

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  40. :))) good post :)

    well... usually all fir into one page isnt ? ;)

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  41. Yes, Santa Claus is fat and also fake =))
    Sorry to burst that bubble.

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