Friday, 26 August 2011

LETS TALK ABOUT SEX !!



Sex has always been an uncomfortable topic to be discussed, especially in India. Offcourse you joke about it or sometimes seriously chat about with your close friends but what about having a talk about 'THE' subject with your family. Do not mistake me to be the one who is craving to discuss her sexual fantasy or desires with her grandmother. All I mean to point out is the comfort level we have when the word SEX comes up between the normal everyday conversations with our family.

I belong to a very conservative family. In India you don’t expect sexual education from your parents, like ever! I thought I had cancer when I went through the whole coming out of the cocoon and becoming a butterfly phase of life. See I am still not comfortable talking about it. Ok I am talking about PERIODS. Chuck that shit! Men should have that.

The reason I am saying this is because I have a younger brother and we share the age gap of 8 years. As we were growing up he came up with many amusing doubts regarding the whole human anatomy and the less talked about area and frankly speaking I have never given him the truth.

Me- It is your 10th birthday, what birthday present do you want?
Lil bro- Umm, vichi! I want a whishpur. Our Miss wants us to use fountain pen and whenever I use it, it stains my hand and my white shirt. I have seen in the TV that whishpur takes all the ink. I want it.
Me- Shuttup! That is not for that.
………………………………………

Lil Bro- Our Biology teacher told us that one Sperm meets one Egg and baby is born. How do they meet?
Me- I have to go take a bath.
………………………………………
Lil Bro (Age 11)- I found out what is whishpur for. Amma told me!
Me- Really? What did she tell?
Lil Bro- She told me it is for the elders with loose motion.
……………………………………….
While watching an English movie with my brother, a making out scene comes up. Being uncomfortable, I fast forwarded it.

Lil Bro (Age 14)- Hello! I come for Boys School, I know what all is happening. Don’t think I am na├»ve and don’t even say that whisper is for elders with diarrhea.

So, my brother is growing up and has clearly stopped asking those innocent questions. Last time I dialled my home number to talk to him, somebody with a very low baritone voice picked up. Since there were always troubles with the connection which lead to the call getting connected with someone totally random, I thought this time too it happened and I cut the call. My mother called me back and only then did I find out that the person with the baritone was my brother, who is currently undergoing a voice makeover.

This one time, a friend of mine wanted to know what the whole hype about Porn is. So I asked her to check it out online. I did not hear anything from her for the next half an hour and thus, perplexed I asked her what she was upto. She sadly said ‘I am not able to find anything’. I took the laptop from her and found out that she had typed PORN as PRAWN and was staring at the image of PRAWN PICKLE.

P.S- I wore Kerala Saree today! Ok I confess, there was donkey work of 3 chicks behind my perfectly worn saree. But I wore it!!! Also I am going on a mini vacation AGAIN starting this 29th till September 11th. So my blog is on leave :D

Image Courtesy- tntpages.com

61 comments:

  1. Hey funnywoman, you made me choke on my coffee not once, not twice, but THREE times thanks to the various Q/A samples in this post. AWESOME XD XD XD
    And enjoy your vacation :)

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  2. ROFL, Clearly you've opened a door to the past now, teleported me to 8th grade.

    I was the lucky kind, had really good gal-pals in my inner circle who would not take crap, so they were the one's who gave me an intro into 'THE TALK'. But kids these days are far more inquisitive and smarter.

    And ditto hi-5, on the vacation plan, my last exam this month is also on the 29th after which I will also take off for a mini-holiday of sorts. :)

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  3. :) reminds me of my brother, he is a good 13 years younger to me. when i used to go back home in my college vacation, my sister was in her teens, so periods and all! as soon i entered house, my bro came running and told, we got whisper at home, and i was like really? so? he said, no they show in tv, so we too got it...sigh!

    and then i think last year when i was home, i had really bad cramps :| and he went on & on & on how i should go see a doctor, i had to explain him and shut his mouth...now he minds his business :) and yeah, the voice change was so damn funny...

    sari :) i have only worn sari thrice in my whole life and i can not walk properly in a sari..

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  4. ROFL. I'm so glad I am the younger one :)

    Btw,
    You're awarded :)

    http://soumya-hintofme.blogspot.com/2011/08/somersault-in-air.html

    Love,
    Soumya

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  5. ROFL! :P We had a biology teacher say "When this part meets that part, baby is born" :P Hahaha, love the post! :D

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  6. he he. gud one.
    ur bro seems to be one interesting specimen.
    and trust me, all guys have these doubts about whisper when they're growing up. some of us jus dnt have elder sisters to ask.
    enjoy ur vacation.:)

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  7. You know how I had exactly the same doubts as your brother's when I was his age??:D

    Amazingly hilarious post! I mean it when I say ROLF!!

    PS: Cancer? I was convinced it was AIDS:P

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  8. Hahahahahahahahahahahaaaa ROFL! Omg you made me laugh like hell :P
    Hahahahaha poor your brother!!!
    Loved eet :D

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  9. hahahaha! Oh god.. your brother and you! Funny pair really!
    And prawn for porn.. LOL!!! There is always someone like that in every group... and we take it upon ourselves to 'enlighten' them! ;)

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  10. ROFL!!! XD XD!!! And no no no!!!! talking about "sex" to parents is never ever going to happen... no never.. not at any age.. oh GAWWWDDD.. I feel so embarrassed already even thinking about it!! :D

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  11. haha :D

    unfortunately, I didn't have an elder sister to ask such doubts :)

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  12. haha :D
    I have a younger brother and believe me i have dodged some of the most embarrassing questions in the same way as you :D

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  13. Yeah it is certainly a sensitive issue. :)

    About periods..seriously..i wonder why men don't go through the same huh lol :D

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  14. Hahahahaha this was awesome! And these situations have taken place in my house too! :D

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  15. ROFL..!!! tht was one of the amazing posts of urs.. ur bro asked th right Q's..!!!

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  16. Awesome post! You are brutal with honesty! :D When our bio teacher was explaining human reproduction in the 8th grade, the class was dead silent and the teacher was having a very hard time.

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  17. She told me it is for the elders with loose motion..... HAHA... :)

    Its about time, sex education be given properly..in school or at home....but then..may be we wouldn't get these funny post of yours.. ;)

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  18. cute brother urs.but uttering thae 30-lettered word *ELECTRIC SHOCK* kind of effecton families the momeny u DARE to utter the word

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  19. Hahahaha..Same scene replays around every Indian homes.The Q&A was really funny.
    I got to know about all this from the girls gang at school.One cannot imagine what one would do without girlfriends.
    And I agree men should also start getting periods,so that they shut up and don't say,"Why are you screaming about stomach aches,you get it every month"

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  20. This is freaking hilarious.
    I remember my brother asking the same questions eg:Why do I have to go to the temple and why don't you have to?

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  21. pic is hilarious. when kids ask such questions I become dumb :D

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  22. Hehe I have faced these questions from my kid bro and now that he has stopped asking I assume that he has already gotten to know :P :P
    Yes our families will never be open to talking it out and the same thing rubbed on to us !

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  23. Hilarious. You have a keen sight to see into such moral and cultural issues. Hats Off!!!
    keep scrutinizing the world. looking forward to reading more from you .............

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  24. very real post, i too faced many situations like this with my younger bro... You write awesome... love this post.. :) Happy Holiday.. have fun

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  25. hahahha.....funny....
    The most irritating of the conditions is when you kind of know about "PRAWN" and "SAX" but other people think you're foolish

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  26. LOVE THIS woman!! :d So true. I guess if we didn't think it was 'prawn' it would be more normal :P :D

    Happy vacation. :D have fun :D :D

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  27. So true! reminds me of my sis whose 17 nw. Loved your post! :)

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  28. Hahahaha!!! The way you worded those translations were just hilarious! Amazing as always! :)

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  29. - I found out what is whishpur for. Amma told me!
    Me- Really? What did she tell?
    Lil Bro- She told me it is for the elders with loose motion.
    bwhahahahaha!!! :P :P I just can't stop laughing at this!!!! :p :P !! this is just toooo hilarious!!!! :D lol! :P

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  30. Hello. :-)

    Just checked on to your blog after reading your comment on mine.

    And just my bad luck that you are on leave as soon as I discovered your blog. :-/

    But... I'll just say, I'll be stalking back. :D

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  31. You are too good. My brother used to think I have some evil spirit in me as during periods I couldn't attend puja. He is 7 years younger to me and he forced my parents to take me to some saint to remove the evil spirit inside me. lol...And, yes we will miss you...Enjoy your vacation...

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  32. Hahahaha...by god...your brother's questions! :P and that reason for using whisper was amazing...haha :D

    Loved this post.. :) :)
    And yeah..I want to know your name..please! :)

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  33. Hahahaha ;)
    The post title is catchy you know, at the same time, It's freaking hilarious, Those Q/A, Oh man, ROFL seriously!! :D

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  34. 'Rofl POST'
    You seriously have a curious bro miss Red ;-)!!
    Well,I'm fortunate enough to be the younger one n face no such queries ..

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  35. HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.
    THAT WAS SUCH A GREAT POST!
    Totally relatable. I have two freak brothers and time back they used to ask me questions as silly like that and then i used to be dumbstruck and unanswerable to them. :p

    And diarrhea had always been the excuse i think almost every mother has made whenever her son has asked her the purpose of Whisper! :p
    Even once, my brother came up to me and whispered 'Hey listen. Mom bought some nappies. Check what's happening' and you just imagine my situation. :P

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  36. Ow yeah... the make-out scenes are the worst when it comes to watching movies with the family. You suddenly start finding a tile on the ground absolutely fascinating and stare at it with singular concentration or you see the newspaper resting slightly imperfectly on the table and feel an irrepressible need to unfold-refold it etc etc.

    There should be a #ithappensonlyinindia hash-tag for this somewhere in twitter :P

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  37. haahahhahahaa... thanks for a good laugh. All of us wish sex was more often discussed in our families so that people dont take falling in love as an excuse for having sex.

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  38. You're better off with the baritone, my brother is starting to get hairy legs *shudders* You think I should shave it all off when he's asleep?

    And he's currently going through a stage when anything related to love, sex, girl body parts and anything even remotely connected elicits a decided YUCK, GROSS from him.

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  39. oooo..love the pic, esp the headache bit..lovely one :)

    well, I wudnt really comment on this cos I was the lil bro once upon a time n I hv gone thru this same phase... imagine my horror when I actually found out the birds and the bees hv nothin goin on between them....

    :)

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  40. @Everyone- Dont hate me! I dont mean to be a complete BITCH. I am just not able to reply to each comment like i always do coz i am from mobile, nd it is hard. Forgive me this one time! I love you all. Comments are what makes me write. :)

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  41. When I was a kid, there was this condom ad (nirodh, i think) in which they had used a lot of chocolate, candles and flowers as euphemism for the real thing. I was really small then, and asked my sis. She told me that it was a chocolate ad.

    Later that week, when my dad took me and my sisters out, I told him that I wanted nirodh.
    He was shocked and looked confused, and I told him that it's a new chocolate :-D.

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  42. And.. really cute picture :-).

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  43. Hehehehee!! PORN <--> PRAWN... LOL..
    I loved the conversations between u and your bro, during the growing up stage!! :D

    What a wonderful post!! :D

    Wish you a great vacation.. Comeback and share some more interesting stories.. BTW you gng to kerala? :P :)

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  44. If Whisper was one mystery for boys, babies were another.. I had the notion that, babies were born due to Kissing an thats why my parents did not want me to watch Star movies, because English movies had lot of Kiss Scenes.. I was Center Shocked wen I unraveled the Mystery...

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  45. :D I am the younger one in the family, and hence, my mom and sis had to endure quite many questions like this. It's fun to freak elders out like this! :D

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  46. ha ha !! it happens!!! My little cousin once dug out a whisper pack from my shelf and came into the living room and asked me in front of the whole family what that was!!! :O

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  47. Dude, why us. Oh why why why? I mean first being this discriminated one in this third world country. Then periods. And when we ll grow up being pregnant.

    I mean what do guys do?
    Except loitering around, being show off and complete ass holes.

    I mean I can go on and on about it. I am that frustrated.

    P.S: Nice post btw.

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  48. ROFL..:D brilliantly written.

    u induced pain..damn my stomach is aching reading yo post tanx a tonn..had a good laughing session!

    yo bro must be really adorable!

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  49. emm, your brother is sure growing up and would soon stop asking these questions altogether, but wait a sec, how old is your friend? The one who wants to know what a prawn is? :P

    Hilarious post :D


    Cheers
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  50. ROFL.. quite true!
    Thankfully, my friends were an expert on this issue since childhood and acted as a rich source of knowledge whenever needed. I just remember one incident when my elder brother saw that I had saved a porn in my hard disk and deleted, which we never discussed later :P

    Yay! missed ur blog red handed :)
    aJ

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  51. @Too all who commented- Means a lot!! I am far away from my laptop and u shud know tht replying through a symbian phone is hard. Pardon me! Your comments mean a lot! Just google this place called PANDALAM and u wud know why getting online is hard. Much love to you all! Forgive me this one more time!

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  52. image: hahahahhaa
    wishpur: hahahahaha
    porn vs prawn: hahhaahhaah
    man! aint you funny!!
    superlikes....

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  53. ROFL, LOL. I am sure many had to go through this same phase of questions and answers. And also, the condom ads in between the TV shows, and shit... holy hell - way too, er. I remember my cousin asking me, "Ye Katrina Kaif Aamsutra ke liye itna drama kyun karti hai is ad mein?" And my answer? Totally out of context! :P

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  54. The first wisper comment by your bro was really cute!

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  55. I guess it's better to educate your child/siblings about these parts of social life. Otherwise, it's all there on the internet. One day or the he/she will definitely find out.

    Stay Blessed ^_^

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  56. bwahahahahahahahahaha..
    Phew..
    Gahahahahahahahaha..
    Ok wait..
    Blahahahahahahahahahahahaha..

    RED !!! lady lady..!!!
    M so glad i found your blog..all the time i was reading this post..i was laugh my ass off..and m sure people around me must have thought m mad ..loll..

    M a single child..so the whisper thing to be explained to my brother part never came..
    But yeah..watching THOSE scenes with my family would leave me squirmin in my seat..and i would get busy trying to remote an imaginary speak of dust from my dress..haha..loved the image as well..!
    Cheers..:-):-):-):-)

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  57. ok..sorry for the pathetic typos..!! lol..didnt realise wat i was typing in the bus..:P:P
    pl don connect this to grammar skills :P:P

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  58. An honest post that raises a serious issues. Now that i think about it - its hard remembering how did i learn about bees and birds :-)
    As for why guys do not have periods (and for God sake I do not understand why even women are embarrassed to talk about it), they do not have the privilege of motherhood as well. Dad can never be a mom.. can he!

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  59. read this post today..btw i can't agree with this para

    This one time, a friend of mine wanted to know what the whole hype about Porn is. So I asked her to check it out online. I did not hear anything from her for the next half an hour and thus, perplexed I asked her what she was upto. She sadly said ‘I am not able to find anything’. I took the laptop from her and found out that she had typed PORN as PRAWN and was staring at the image of PRAWN PICKLE

    do ppl lyk this really exist?

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  60. Wow , You have an awesome strength or writing with ease what you want to !!awesome post !! these things have happened with everyone ! aint it !

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Spit It Out I Say !!!