Sunday, 2 October 2011

DONT CALL ME AUNTY !!!



 Before you read further, I want you to know what I was wearing at the scene of the happening. I was in Delhi with two of my other friends for the purpose of internship. Since it was blistering cold we were dressed up in-

ME  -  Track pants + Top + Half Sweater + Full Sweater +Shawl (covering my head and half my face)
Friend 1- Jeans + Top + Full Sweater
Friend 2- Shorts + Sleeveless Top (and gulping down Chocobar)

After dinner we decided to go sit in the Small Park opposite to our place and gossip about the people who filled up that day. We found a very suitable seat, rested our posteriors in the most relaxing manner and started the bitching of the day. A Fat, Fair, Dumb looking boy came and sat on the seat nearby and started staring at Friend 2 (The Iron Woman). We ignored him and were busy discussing the anatomy of the handsome dude internee in our office, when the Fat pig from the adjacent seat started to make hissing noises. We looked at him and he in return started talking, which uprooted Mother English from her roots. 

Helu Helu. Sleeveless tap naice naice. Came here now now? Come Came na

Friend 2 (a pakka Malayalee and a murderer of Hindi) went to him for reasons alien to me and promoted the conversation. 

Fat Pig-   New Here? Where lives you everyone?
Friend 2- Nearby. Ok I need to go now, my friends are waiting.
Fat Pig-   Sit near here. My seat. You me close here. Sit na sweety.

Since I have a Radar as my ears, I heard what the pig said to her and also deciphered his English to understand what he meant by the last line he uttered. I got up and shouted “Mind your fucking business!! You girl get back here now. You Mister, stay away. Understood? Just stay away.”  

The next statement that the fat pig made left me shattered and embarrassed the way I never was.

Tell Aunty your Mummy shh shhh. Silent. shh shh. What Mummy!!” 

I was so devastated that I got up Rajnikant Style, threw the fucking shawl onto the seat and started shouting.

Me- Shutup Bastard. Get out from here you pervert! This park is for decent people, not for jackasses like you.
Fat Pig- This not your park.My park.Everyone Park.
Me- It is my park and my name is carved on the bark of every goddamn tree. Now get out from here you sloth. I will call people otherwise. Run away!

The man left but the feeling of being called an Aunty for the first time in my life killed me. My friends were busy laughing and even made this Happening spread like fire in my college and among my contacts. All I could do was what I am going to do now and that is reminding you to scroll up and read what I was wearing that day. I blame the costume for making me look like her Mommy and on top of it even my face was half covered. Also since it was around 9 pm, darkness concealed my true beauty. No more Questions! You have got to believe me!!

SIGH!!!

P.S- I wanted to write something really sexy but my University exams are coming up and i am busy buying books and catching up. So Tolerate me this one time!
P.S.S- Today i feel like quitting blogging (rhyming eh?). Lets see what i feel tomorrow.

91 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHA:D
    Sorry, I couldn't help it..

    Now that it is out of my system, I'll agree with you can say that it was entirely the fault of the costume, there is absolutely no fucking need for you to feel bad, babe. Trust me.

    As for the jackass, he's prolly retarded, semi-blind and a loser all rolled into one, you know? That special kind which goes above and beyond all things describable.

    So this time, give it a miss.
    Next time someone calls you aunty, just ping us on D.O.V and we'll take very good care of him for you:D
    How does that sound?

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  2. lolz@PeeVee,.well same here tho.hahahahahhaa..
    Yara it does happen some times..I remember a same incident with one of my Friend..she got really pissed off..and it doesnt mean you are less pretty or something..its jus people tend to pretend they are Blind sometimes!;p so relax baby..its not that bad..btw you dealt him just right..I bet he would not have called any young pretty Girl Aunty again!;p

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  3. hahahhahha...this is funny, your costume kind of took the glory of being 'your friends savior' away

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  4. Hahahaha...

    Yes yes, I totally believe that it was the costume to be blamed and like you said, your face was not even fully visible. It's so well justified, Red! :)

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  5. Welcome to the Club.Your tale of woe is nothing compared to mine, I got called Uncle on my birthday,lets see you beat that.

    Why were you dressed like a Siberian Wilderness soldier in the first place? Was it really that cold?

    All the Best for your exams. Go Rock them.

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  6. Lol.. Small kids call me uncle so aunty to u is ok i guess :P
    unless ofcourse; it actually hurts girls in general cauz it exponentially raises their age :P

    read the "make him dump u" post! was nice. Ya gr8 minds do think alike!!

    http://achu89.blogspot.com/

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  7. ha ha...
    btw today i also feel like quitting blogging...!

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  8. Hahahaha... Murderer of hindi and you threw shawl Rajnikant style, God, I so wanted to be there...When I came to US, one south Indian male, must be 35+ called me Aunty...lol...
    All the best for exams...And may you get the same Professor(as an examiner) you had last time...:) :) :)

    Saru

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  9. LOL!
    Yes DOV will be very happy to care of it for you ;) i haven't done any screaming in a long time..
    was his english really that bad? lol... delhi is full of creeps..

    I feel like quitting blogging too.. which is why i took an impromptu break from it..

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  10. Very Interesting! You should have addressed him as 'uncle' to put him in place

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  11. ROFL!!! Hahaha....poor girl;) Now you know why we middle aged women hate the A word...I hate it so much that every time someone calls me Aunty...i give them such an icy cold stare they might feel freezing in the North Pole:P I wonder how do women become Aunty right after their wedding..Grrrr!!!

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  12. Aiyyyooo!!! But good you gave that guy a solid hearing! Worth being called an aunty for. :D

    And please don't quit blogging!!!!!!! Blog once in a week at least!

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  13. Red!!! How can you quit blogging my giurl? I mean how how how? (Sorry FRIENDS overdose!!!)...tussi mere inspiration ho!!! I can't flatter more ok. I get called aunty all the time even if I'm in shorts, but I'd rather be called that than 'shakalaka-baby'...yep some 12 something good for nothings call me that....arghh...BTW decide if your an ugly head or not...I'll comment accordingly...and yep me and my twin(read PV) are enough to beat the living day light out of anybody...I just told PV that I have this feeling Oct is going to be a bore, please please make it interesting...I've got gold medal in screaming FYI just in case you are gonna do some screening ;)

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  14. hahahaha :D
    I believe you, it was the costume :P
    Good that you gave that guy one solid hearing, he totally deserved it!
    And all the best for your exams.
    P.s- i hope your feel better today and just forget about leaving the blogworld:)
    keep writing girl:)

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  15. hehehehe.. Come on.. For all you know, he must have been mentally retarded too!! :))
    And why quit blogging??????!!!????!!!?!

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  16. Oh Man! This was funny :P
    The way you wrote down the guy's statements..his manner of speaking!
    Their are perverts in every conner :P
    But seriously, wasn't your friend cold?!?! :O You were literally covered while she was partially! :P

    You feel like quitting??!?! :O :O :O I hope you've changed your mind about that by now :)

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  17. It can't be that cold in Delhi at this point of time. I fail to understand how your second friend withstood it while you and your friend were all wrapped up.

    Being called aunty is the ultimate insult, sigh. But coming from such morons, such things are not meant to be taken seriously at all. :)

    A hilarious read. :D

    P.S. Do not quit. Your sense of humour shall be sorely missed.

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  18. ROFL!!! :D

    A 20 yr old guy being called uncle by a 22 yr old girl. Try beating that one. :P

    All the best for exams.

    Stay Blessed ^_^

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  19. LOL.... This is very funny:) Rajinikanth would have been proud of ur actions. In chennai u are always anna or akka no matter how old u are . Dont quit blogging. you are not old enough for it.

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  20. LOL... awww don't worry it was your attire that disguised your true beauty.. hehe so you don't need to feel bad! as for his English, god that's pathetic.. Well I still didn't understand why your friend had to approach him, weird!! But this was a lol post :)

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  21. @PeeVee- *Sniff Sniff* Next time i shall definitely ping DOV. For sure.
    @Mishi- Yesss i dealt with that man. I am proud :D
    @Tangerine- Exactly!They r the reason! :D
    @Vinati- Atleast you believed me :)
    @Atrocious Scribblings- OMG!That is soo bad. Lol really? Thanks for wishing me!
    @Centre Shocker- thanks man!
    @Nikhimenon- heh read about it :D
    @Saru Singhal- Oooh i wish he comes for invigilation!!!
    @TheGirlAtFirstAvenue-you have an awesome blog and i dont think you should ever quit.
    @cricketfreak- :P
    @Rahul Bhatia- i was too shocked :(
    @Cloud Nine- i soo dont wanan get married after reading that :P
    @Loony- lets hope the feeling disappears!! :D
    @The Dragon in the skin of a Goat- Inspiration eh?Bear hugs to you then!!I am soo bad at screaming, my abuses have generally a loud tone but never really harsh :P
    @Tarunima- Geeehaaa thankyou for believing that i look young and pretty :P.I am still fighting the feeling

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  22. @Musings of a troubled Mind- Its just a feeling. Hope it goes away. I am majorly bored and this blog isnt that great.
    @Philo- Thats why i call her Rhinocerous skinned woman :P she is really so tuff
    @Rose- It was the month of december. Its pretty cold then, especially last year.Thanks for commenting :)
    @The Guy In the Mirror- hahaha that is really really sad :P Thanks man.
    @ChemicalFunk- And you know what you are for me :P
    @Partha- I have many Tamilian friends and the akka anna thing, they practice it here too :P
    @Confused SOUL- Thanks a lot for believing me :P. Means a lot :D
    @Rachana- I swear!! \m/

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  23. Haha! Feeling so sorry for you. I have a sister who is 12 years younger to me. Most of the time I take her to a park or a b'day party, i face this. And it still hurts every single time. :p
    Am i so fat and aunty looking?? :'(

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  24. Well all I can say is, it isnt your costume. Its just that fat pig knows well that she is your friend, and wanted 2 offend you in the worst possible way known to him..thats all babe ! Chill ! By the way, being called 'aunty' is way better than being called 'maami' in Kerala.Fortunately I've never been referred to that way, but my friend was and she is looking for ways to commit suicide.

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  25. LOL...I'd be kind and blame Delhi winters and ur shawl for it :D btw..ur friend is an iron lady indeed :O

    Good luck for the exams! :D


    sarah

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  26. Appearances and expectations ..umm..Both are deceptive ! Your nature and ability to delineate your thoughts are what make you so special and beautiful :) It really doesn't matter how you look today (sexy or aunty) or after 10 years (aunty or sexy, you see the preferences, don't you ?:P) as long as you are this good at heart :)

    And yes, this one made me smile (not laugh!). Keep rocking red !

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  27. Some men really have their brains up their own ass no? :\ If only they could grow some brains. It would help us to hold onto out tempers :P

    Well written. :) Punching people or pepper spraying idiots should be legal. :p

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  28. tsk tsk...I reckon u shouldve driven him away long before he called u an aunty...and wonder what ur iron lady was thinking wen she kept the conversation on with the swine:P

    Cheers
    CRD

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  29. Damn girl - I like you! You put the fat pig in place. How dare these guys say such things!


    About being called aunty- :) :D :d :P [some people are blind!]

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  30. for one thing, ur creativity is put to test. and hey, u r a good writer too.. its a bad idea to quit when u already have followers and comments flooding in for every post of yours

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  31. Such cute len-den of conversations!lol:-)

    N what you are taking a jackass's statement so seriously...and he called you aunty coz you were being protective of the gal...so relax and oye, koi quit shwit nahi karna-tomorrow ho gaya, let today pass!

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  32. @jojofeelings- i dont think you are fat or aunty looking. Its the person who is blind. See i am living with tht :P
    @Anita- Maybe ya. hmm never thought of it that way. He really would have wanted to offend me. He is a genius!It worked!!!
    @subtlescribbler- she really is!!Thanks ya!
    @Stranger- That comment by you made me feel really good and awesomely special. No way a THANKYOU would be enough. I mean it!
    @Srinidhi- Eggjactly!!Pepper spray atleast!I would love to see that swine wince!!!!
    @CRD- What else could i have done :(. She promoted it :(
    @Sameera- HE IS BLIND. Yes yess!!I like that fact!!! :D
    @Musings of a Troubled Mind-I hope the feeling disappears. Dont give this any importance coz it is just a phase. Exams coming up maybe thats the reason.
    @Suruchi- Hhahahah you are a louuuly woman! It is just the exam dancing in front of me. I dont think i can leave this so fat.Been just 7 mths :D

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  33. hehehehe.. doesn't really matters aunty :P

    all the very best for your exams... and i hope you'll change your thoughts of closing this blog by tomorrow :)

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  34. He did a crime! :P

    And He got duly punished. :)

    But, I was more concerned about his behavior in the park. His way of talking or his intention were not honest...and kudos to your brave front!

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  35. The frustration I see in the post is more for him calling you an aunty and less for teasing your friend. Isn't it? :D

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  36. The opposite is even more awkward. its wen U say something to someone and they reply u by saying, "U are a small boy, U do not know anything".. And I was not even wearing half trousers..:p

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  37. hey Red, don't worry.. sometimes it happens, i too faced it lot of times coz of dressing. His English is funny :). BTW y do u want to quit blogging?? don't do it.. you have unique style of writing ..

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  38. What a jackass!! He obviously!! Bloody pervert.
    All the best for your exams :)!!Waiting for a complete come back after them!!

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  39. In relation to the 'aunty' comment: A future state beckons :P <-- Kiddin !!

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  40. Lol!! Hialrious post...Love the humor in ur posts. And good luck for ur exams.

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  41. Ignore such "common sense" challenged perverts.

    Good Luck for your exams lady...

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  42. LOL.. that was funny! I chanced upon your blog while I was just browsing the net. The first time I was called "Aunty" I was with my mother in law and I thought the person was referring to my Mother in law until I realized that it was me he was calling "Aunty"..

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  43. you cud've just killed that guy, and carved Red Handed with ur knife on his chest. No one wud have known. and u wud have saved atleast hundreds of other prospective eve teasing targets in the future, and also a couple of future rape victims.

    Nice post aunty :D

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  44. LOL!!! :P :P :P :P
    I totallllyy blame the outfit! :P :P I mean it was keeping you warm and nice but stilll...
    and whattey loser that Fat pig is!!!
    :P :P
    hehehe

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  45. Oh, come on, now. Thank your stars that the bastard didn't call you "Grandma" or something, aunty is still fine. Ha ha, not your fault. THE OUTFIT. Burn everything you were wearing that day. :p

    And all the best for your university exams.

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  46. Only girls are capable of this. When we're 15, we want to look 20. When we're 25, we still want to look 20! And then we want to whack the first kid who calls us Aunty. :/
    But yes, this was ridiculuos! You should've called him back 'Uncle'. :p

    P.S:- Don't even think of quitting blogging. This is not a request. Just a threat.

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  47. hahaha...reading ur blog phirshhtt time..
    chill babe..
    anyway such dick headed morons are mad..!!
    so jushtt ignore..:)
    and plss continue blogging..
    i want to read more..:)

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  48. @Madhulike- Aunty kisko bola be?? :P Yess...the thought exists no more. :D
    @Kunal- Thankyou!!I am just so brave no :P
    @Pria- Isnt that normal?? :P I hope sooo!!
    @Kanthu- oooh tht has happened wimme too. A shopkeeper asked my dad who tuk me nd my 14 yr old brother to buy clothes 'BABA ke liye chahiye ya BABY ke liye :P'
    @Bharathi- Thankyou soo much. Heehe i am just mad!Ignore me :D
    @The life-a-holic- Thankyou so much!
    @Binu Thomas- Thankyou for adding the KIDDING word :P
    @Ria- My life is such a joke :P
    @Blue Lady- Thankyou yet agan!! tHANKS!!
    @Meera Sundarajan- I am going to give your blog a visit too. NOW!! Thankyou soo much!
    @Kalpak- Aunty hogi teri BEEP BEEP BEEP. Thankyou uncle! :P
    @Viya- But you are laughing at my sad state :P Whyyyy!!!
    @Arjit Shrivastava- Oh it already rests in some unknown place. I have no clue where that shawl and sweaters are
    @Spaceman Spiff- You are thretening me young lady????!!! *shudders*. :P Next time someone calls me aunty, i promise u tht i will call him an uncle!
    @Meoww- Welcome to my foolish blog darling! I was having depressive mood swings and the feeling of quititng blog was a direct result of that. PMS :P Welcome!!

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  49. Hahahahahahaa I started LOL-ing like crazy when I came to the whole every bench has my name carved on it part. Hahahahahahaha.
    That'd been SO MUCH FUN to watch. :P
    But ahem, that sucked. He was a loser, so chuck!!
    Damn funny nonetheless :D
    Take care!!
    xx

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  50. My park, everyone park? Hahahaha -__-
    And yes please, slap him tightttt in your dreams. Sweet revenge in ANY form is still sweet you know. Err sorry but I clasped my tummy and laughed, Aunty jee =D

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  51. lol..yes you are right, after all if one will not be able to see your face how can he recognize you...i think he caught you red-handed in an aunt's get-up :)

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  52. Friend #2 is so cool. :) I like fat pig's English. :) Why I no get to hear such funny funny lines!

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  53. .hahaa... there english is ridiculous... haha and im imagining how they really look...

    and oh, no no, dont quit blogging.. i'll be loosing one SENSEful blog/blogger..

    mwahx!

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  54. Enna rascala! The quitting thing wasn't there when I read the post.
    And I second Spiff, if you do, I'll hunt you down and kick your butt.
    Clear?

    :P

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  55. Oye! don't you think of quitting blogging!
    And Delhi is full of such specimens...men who don't grow beyond the age of eight mentally :D

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  56. This is so fucking crazy >:< I do not remember when was first time someone called me aunty, may be when I started working and I do not look like an aunty at all :-/ Super Fuckery it is!

    And the worst, I avoid visiting friends with kids :-|

    I feel so sad now :'( Mummaa!

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  57. @Blahblaholic- when i think abt the conversation now, i laugh but out then, it seemed pretty aggressive and cool :p
    @Crystal- How dare you!!! :P. HAHA HAHA Life and its complexities!!
    @jayendrasharan- No aunty wanty..i am a very cool looking chick :P
    @Ajay-Lol i shall pray tht u do get to hear such line then :P
    @Kharren- hhahah he looked soo bogus!!! Thanks a lot!!
    @PeeVee- Oh no!!but i am fine if you are planning to kill me by drowing me in chocolate :P
    @Purba- i second tht!!100% !!!
    @Chintan Gupta- some people are such waste!!and the fat pig was an exaple of it :P

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  58. Didn't they tell you what happened to that girl in Coimbatore who quit blogging???

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  59. rofl..!!! aunty..:P sorry, cudn't help..!!! Btw, all d best 4 ur xm's..:D

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  60. dont quit blogging.. i love reading ur posts.. :) :) this is my first comment but i hav read many of ur posts..
    I hav a surprise for u here http://hollaarpitha.blogspot.com/2011/10/another-award-and-another-tag.html.. hope u lik it.. :)

    all the best for ur exams.. :)

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  61. @Sushmit- umm..no!you tell me!! :O
    @Raghu- heheh thanks man!
    @Arpitha Holla- that was just really sweet of you! Thankyou sooo much!

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  62. Okay...I am an evergreen victim of that ! Being called aunty by people of my age..WORSE...I am refered to as 'AMMA' by my classmates for 2 reasons.


    1. I am a tamilian
    2. I inevitably wear kurtis and salwar-kameez for 2 reasons
    2.a. I JUST donot have a body that would do justice to ANY of the western clothes
    2.b. I look GORGE in indian clothes! :)

    well..the point is..You need to put your ears to sleep at such situations...esp to numb brained ones like those. It works...TRUST ME!

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  63. Trust me, you don't want to know :/ It involves mutilation and violence beyond your wildest imagination. Just. Don't. Stop. The repercussions are terrible..

    Ok? :o

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  64. Hahahahaha cant help it =D hahaha well I totally believe that it was the costume to be blamed :P so chills =D

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  65. @Akila Venkat-Oh i trust you.!I have let go of tht :p Thanks a lot for reading this :)
    @Sushmit- Umm ok...but the curiosity kills me. I tried to google it :/
    @Aman-Stop laughing :P.

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  66. I just made it up, to drive such inane thoughts away from your mind :P

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  67. Rofl! That was so funny! The guy asked for all those gaalis.
    And did he actually speak that bad english? :O :O

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  68. @Sushmit- Wow! Haha nice one man. I wont consider leaving ever again. Seriously!
    @Happy Go Lucky- seriously! He was thaaaat bad in English. God only knws how i even understood his yappings.
    @lampoons- thankyou!!

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  69. Know wat...reminded me of an incident when I called a 18 something,aunty...She ran around the whole park trying to get me...but she cudn't..:P..However this was when i was jst about 12..I can totally understand how she must have felt then..:D

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  70. :)

    I can relate to you.

    Think what must have gone through my mind when some guys in college called me uncle - And I was just 20 :)

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  71. Hahahaha...this is hilarious!!! I have been called uncle so many times now that I am resigned to the fact that soon people will start getting up in the bus/ train/ plane and giving me their seat :)

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  72. I don't which is funnier: that fact that he called you "Aunty" or the fact that "He" called you Aunty ;) Well written though

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  73. @Nirvaan- Thank God she did not find you.Seriously :D
    @Vyanketesh- HAH... happens a lot i see. Bad mad world!
    @Siddhartha Joshi- I wouldnt mind tht change :D.i literally hang like a monkey inside the bus.
    @Sonik- Ouch!! :D Thanks!

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  74. Thanks yaa for givin me a solid idea for my next post :)))

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  75. :):) this is a phenom not just suffered by the female race though...here's a post I'd written about something very very similar a few years back....
    http://profoundlaziness.blogspot.com/2008/11/dont-uncle-me.html

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  76. ok ok..i believe you!!! *covers her face and giggles* (heehee) ;)

    but jokes apart, i still dont know why your friend walked up to him...didnt she realise it was eve teasing?
    such creeps are best IGNORED

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  77. Rofl. This is bloody brilliant. I can only imagine how you feel when I start crying when my neighbour's daughter calls me aunty. (she's 15 yrs younger than me) and i flip out. and i agree, it was the darkness and the outfit and the etc.

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  78. @India's No 1 Blog- Hey! i cant wait to read it!
    @Christopher Anand- hehe..i am going to check your post NOW!
    @! சிவகுமார் !- HAHAHAH I so wish i could!
    @pri- you laughed :((( and i have no clue why my friend went to talk to him in the first place.
    @Kofykat- exactly! It was truly the OUTFIT :P

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  79. Haha. It makes you so cranky and irks you so much that you just want to brandish a sword and tell him to zip his tongue. hahahaha I don’t understand why your friend went to talk to that fat pig :s

    P.S. don’t think about some random fat hooligan.

    Cheers.
    Megha Sarin

    http://www.meghasarin.blogspot.com

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  80. @trupty- Thankyou!
    @Megs Smiles- I swear i really wanted to chop his tongue off!!!Thanks a lot for visiting

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  81. I don't know whether it's a bit late to post a comment on this post--but I can't help it!!! You have a vibrant bright blog! And a vivacious gal like you should never be addressed as "aunty"! Not now; not after 10 years! or after 20 years!
    I am a mumbai girl & if anyone addresses me as "aunty", i will promptly call him/her uncleji or auntyji--provided they look above 18 to me...

    I do that not because I am obsessed with being young forever--i do it because I feel this happens only in India & it's definitely not one of our precious cultural habits!!! Think about it--the internet is actually full of Indian men referring to women as hot aunties, cool aunties, Mallu/Panju/Gujju aunties etc. This has nothing to do with respect! Young married women are also referred to as "aunties". This has everything to do with the fact in our country, adult men are allowed to act like kids for a long long time--even at the expense of emotionally damaging others! Imagine the term coined by sexually mature but pretending to be all innocent adults--sexy aunty!! I almost puked the first time a classmate (a Hyderabadi guy)referred to our goodlooking female teacher as "sexy aunty"

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  82. @RP- Oh I soooo agree with u. I never thought of it that way!Exactly, its nerve wrecking how men categorize women these days. Sexy aunty??!! really!??!!!
    Thankyou soo much for stopping by :)

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  83. LOL! you're simply hilarious Red Handed!

    The transition from girlhood to auntyhood is going to be terrifying

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  84. I like sax call me my mobile no 9930431345

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Spit It Out I Say !!!