Monday, 14 November 2011

INDIA FLYING


There used to be a time when we used to label the people who have travelled by air even ones as ‘RICH’. There used to be a time when going by flight somewhere would invite lines like ‘Wo toh bade insaan ho gaye hain. Plane shane mein savari karte hain’. Travelling by an airplane used to be a dream and something everyone used as a mark of status and sometimes even as a means to show off. 

Now the system has changed. People of all money groups can be seen in the economy class of flights and I am not mocking anyone when I say this, but the art of showing off has reached a whole new level. I was coming back home from Kerala and I had to take two flights to reach home since there are no direct flights to Bhopal. My parents don’t fancy me travelling alone till Bhopal by train since the journey is 2 days long. Airports are safer according to them and there are lesser chances of me being raped and robbed on air. Also I get to be home in four hours. 

So about the showing off part I was mentioning earlier. I was flabbergasted by the way some people change their whole personality the moment they enter an airport and even the way they behave after taking a one hour journey by a frigging plane. Some of the qualities are even inbuilt in us Indians. The following are my observations-

FASHION MALFUNCTION- I could spot so many aunties who were wearing skin kissing glittery tops with slacks or tights and heels which clearly are not meant for their legs. When you look at them, you know that they have spent their entire life in Saree with ghajra on their head. You can also find Men wearing Goggles which clearly looks like a free item on buying HORLICKS. Their whole outlook is a mixture of village India and fake city look. 

ACCENT TRAGEDY- Sudden outburst of wrong and unwanted English is what I came across in the flight. A lady who sat beside me asked me something which I took minutes to clearly understand. She said “Snakes money why no free free? Bhaisa said free free. Take me 50 rupeej for COCK”. I begged her to talk in Hindi and she attested me as being an ILLITERATE DUMB BITCH. She flashed her Tobacco stained teeth as she said ‘Snacks ke liye paise kyun? Mere Bhaisa ne kaha ki free hoga. COCA COLA ke liye 50 rupeej manga’.

EXTRA BAGGAGE- This is what we are famous for. We just cannot travel light be it for even just 5 days. Especially if you are taking a flight from Kerala, you can even find people taking cartons of JACKFRUIT and COCONUTS to their place of destination. The hand baggage includes Airbags, backpacks, plastic bags with things like ‘RAJU LADIES TAILOR/ PRIYA PANTIES AND BRAZIER/ KAKKA DA DHABA’ written on it.

LOOTING ATTITUDE- Now offcourse you are paying for your flight ticket which sometimes includes food. I have noticed some fellow Indians taking things like MINT, MILK POWDER, KETCHUP, PICKLE POUCH, JAM, and BUTTER that they receive and keeping it in their bags for future purposes. I have nothing against this section of the crowd because even I can be included in them. What cracks me up if when I find people even hiding forks, spoons, JET AIRWAYS Magazines and even Safety tip Pamphlets. They use these as souvenirs’, something which shows that they have traveled by air and acts as an evidence.

We Indians are a funny lot. We have a joker hiding inside us and we can crack people up without even trying. But we are proud of ourselves too. Aren’t we? 

P.S- I hate my stupid gym instructor! Sala! Today he took me to this room and started throwing giant balls at me (balls as in the B for BALL one you dirty swine!). I was asked to run around and place them back in the rack. He did this for frigging 10 mins. What am I 12? Also he did not let me have water. A TOPNOTCH ASSHOLE!
P.P.S- Not one of the posts I am proud of, but I had to update this space somehow. Already somebody unfollowed me. SIGH!
P.P.P.S- An image which portrays my sorry state of life very aptly.

   
 Image Coutesy- whiteindianhousewife.com (Image 1)

51 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHHAHAHAH Girl don't your posts crack me up now!

    ''Bhaisa said free free. Take me 50 rupeej for COCK”''

    hahahahaha i cannot stop laughing. Sheesh I remember once there was this guy who non stop gave me updates about the cricket match interrupting my blissful reading :/ Sigh specimens.

    Talking about flights, there are weird fake people like that everywhere these days. Even at malls. Gosh. Wannabes.

    About the gym instruc, the dance instruc does the same thing. Cruel torture. But its for gain anyway :P So enjoy it :P

    Sonshu
    sonshus.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have been a regular reader of your posts.Your posts are awesome :):) don worry bout the people who unfollowed instead there are a loyal bunch like me who are eagerly waiting to read your next post ;) .Keep smiling :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nice one. For all the hoopla I got before my first air-travel, I felt and still feel that it was/is the most boring means of transportation.

    And regarding your instructor. Well he was a Greek-God at first sight, Gay by the end of the day, now an "A TOPNOTCH ASSHOLE" and I'm wondering what would he be at the end of 45days..;-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hahahahah! You know, I don't travel by flight because, it freaks me out, but even I have seen such pieces...where? 3AC Train ke dabbe mein! :P Seriously! I am like what! :|

    I LOVED LOVED LOVED the pic! So US!!!!! :P

    ReplyDelete
  5. LAAAAAL! Hahahaha! Spottted almost all of them i believe :S I was laughing so badly at the whole of it that by the end the image could have had me in tears :D
    I have noticed something peculiar to the South Indian airports, the aunties who come to leave/receive their ladle puttars dress in such golden Kanjivaram saris, like they robbed a factory of it :S But comparatively its better than putting up stuff that is SO not you! (ref Fashion malfunction)
    I believe all Indians connect with this one. Atleast all decent Indians who do not feel themselves to be part of any category. :P

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love the little observations of behaviour at Airports!! I still don;t get it why people Dress up for a travel also.. oh those irritating ones who are too casual that they almost appear to be wearing a night dress. The snobbish foreign traveled who fidget at the villager's who hide their faces in Ghagra's.. who made the 'to be' rule in the Airports? Blah.. Airports just show the insecurity of people by and large...!
    Phew.. ok I stop here.

    LAW is exactly like that.. I am nod my head in agreement based on the teeny 3 credit corporate law subject I was forced to study! Good luck and Good Day!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hahahahaha..!!!! nice one..!!! gym instruct is awesome...:P

    ReplyDelete
  8. The world might travel in spaceships some day and still some class of people will never change

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can swear that the scenario is no different in the international segment as well. Especially when one travels back from the middle east or on any Air India flight back home.

    Whats embarrassing is, on the latter, people steal measly things like toilet paper, soap and headphones from the flight.

    ReplyDelete
  10. bwahahahahaha
    gahahahahahhaa..
    wat ya..i will die now :D:D:D:D
    funny lot no..we people..
    chae..
    awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...
    pooor you....
    sooo much exertion..stoooopid gym guy..err gay..err..whatever
    owww...no you worry babaees...so what if one unfollow..
    4 more weeeellll phalloowww :*:*:*:*:*

    aaaaaa..BHOPAL..!!!
    the other day i was telling MSM too..
    i fell in love with the city the last time i came there to meet Mr.Maverick
    *wink wink*

    owww that reminds me..i saw similar species when i was roaming away to glory in DB Mall with him..
    lolll...people were throwing soooo much fake attitude and ishhtyle as if they have directly imported here from the Queen's Palace..
    ROFL..fat aunties wearing skin tight chatak clothes and heels..balancing so precariously that you would be scared of walking within a radius of a kilometer..
    geeeheeeee

    hahahaa..owwww pavam you..that photo...
    :* <3
    love ya hun..
    *hugs*

    take care my dear Molay...:):):):)

    cheers..!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. The flight. I have suffered enough because of crying babies and what not in the flight. so no comments there,put aptly already.

    I am worried about gym. I for some reason do.not like this man/trainer. water/juice is must in a gym. we always carried something to drink and had five seconds breathing/drink break. I hope he is a qualified trainer.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Totally amazing!

    I loved the attempt at bad english :D

    argh i hate law..i can say that because I'm studying so many laws in CS.May god bless us :(

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh dear lord! I know exactly what you are talking about!
    That picture reminded me of something..This one time when i was travelling to b'lore, there was one fat ugly uncle beside me.. and after eating he actually gargled his mouth making all those disgusting sounds and spit into the cup!! I had to force myself to stop gagging and vomiting 'coz i was sure the loo would be in an even worst state. Thank god for ipod and earphones.. yuck!

    Fashion malfunction is so true! I see aunties in tight tees and men in goggles! ROFL at accent tragedy.. cock for coke?? HAHAHAHAHAHA! You should have given her some of your blunt honesty and explained to her what it sounded like ;)
    Looting attitude is something we Indians will never lose. Be it in airports or in hotels with all those tiny shampoo bottles and stuff... When we see 'free' stuff we are the first to grab it!

    ReplyDelete
  14. LOL!!! 50 rupeej for cock;)Totally riot post, Redhanded!!! Have seen all these types in the airport and on air:P The clowns in us refuse to be put down:)))

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ha ha ha :) :) nice one red :) I don't travel by flight but have seen people using the things given in flights as a show off to others :) which makes them mean rather than a high profile one :) Gym instructor proving that he is a Gay it seems!!!!!!!!! he he
    "Take me 50 rupeej for COCK" Ha ha ha!!!!! Absolutely a laughing riot on reading this :) Nice post overall :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hahah we Indians sure are a funny lot! XD Love this post! :D

    ReplyDelete
  17. Lol!!! We indians can laugh at ourselves. 50 rupeej for cock :) double entendre in PS is cool:)
    Love all ur posts.

    ReplyDelete
  18. and baby why do you think this not an awesome post as in you really should be proud of it :))
    *cheers with chai/coffee*
    and omg omg omg kitna zabardast post ae yaar..!
    kasam se its like chaukas *em in a tapori kinda mood from the past 3 days pardon my language*
    you seriously nailed it gal...!:)
    *hi-5*
    :))
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  19. Wow! So much variety in people! You know what? I have never flown in my entire life. Simply to say, never got a necessity to! But that is one experience I am looking forward to :)

    Good post! Love it :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Superb. I have seen all these types of people so many times in airports and planes. And it is like a status thing to talk in English and the plastic bags.. :). did you know that peopel secure their luggage with ropes and brightly colores silk scarves mostly yellow and saffron?
    I asked one aunty and she said it is for easy identification .

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hehehe, Oh God don't even get me started on flying Indians! The people who try to build rapport in the Airports are no less either. I saw a mallu aunty wearing atleast half a kilo of gold on her while flying and struggling with the seat belt :P

    Damn, we Indians never learn!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hahaha.. lovely post.. this one is one post u aint proud of? Arrey, me thinks this one ws super solid..easily one of ur best.. gr8 insight, gr8 observation n as always, gr8ly written :)

    I ws soo noddin my head in agreement n laughin my head off as i finished the paragraphs.. shud think of more such points cos i ws soooo sad tht it ws over :)

    Congrats fr ur gymmmin... maybe one day u cn tell me hw u find the motivation to stick on to it...

    Till thn, whr is my cheese pizza....? :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Red, there's one more thing people do to show off (include me in the list too, I used to do it :D, and its fun)... Days after you travel, you will still keep the badge on your bag and will continue to do so, incase people missed it :D

    Bloggers Park

    ReplyDelete
  24. thank heavens,there are bloggers like u around...who can still bring a smile to my face with their quips and witty observations...:-)

    ReplyDelete
  25. hahahaha!!true ... especially the Raju Tailor/ Priya Panties.... awesome!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. this attitude is universal, amongst all the indians! But, after all, they are our people! Can't help it! :D :D

    And the pic was awesome!

    And again, a hilarious post! :D :D

    ReplyDelete
  27. i loved the exercise ur instructor gave u. i was really laughing imaginin it :)

    choo tommy....fetch boy....c'mon :D

    ReplyDelete
  28. @Sonshu- Phokat mein Cricket update???hehehe poor you yaar! Ghahahaha! Thankfully I was interrupted.
    @Bharath- That was very generous of you milord!! Thankyou :)
    @Kanthu-Oh it is the most boring means of transportation. Esp if u are travelling alone!!! And about the instructer..SIGH! I only know how much I curse him.
    @MSM- Hhahaha are haan! 3AC ke dabbe moronic wannabes too! Hhahaha
    @Crystal- Hhaahah Kanjeevaram factory walking mannequins!!hahaha I too have seen them...and even I consider myself in these categories...atleast the JAM BUTTER part :P
    @Sameera- Insecurities really are portrayed by and large at the airports like u said :D.? U need to study some portions f law in it too right!!!
    @Raghu- Thankyou sire!!!
    @ The guy in the mirror- true true true!!!
    @Atrocious Scribblings- Hhahah How could I forget the headphone stealing part!! I know so many people who flaunt those headphones :P
    @Meoww- Mr Maverick from Bhojpaaaal??!!! And DB Mall is a funny place actually...ppl using escalators :PHheheheheheeh...and again u gave me the cutest comment of all...Awwwww!!
    @The Blunt Blogger- crying babies scenario!!!!!!!!! I shouldnt have missed this one in the post!!!
    @Sunakshi- Oh yes! I do know some of my friends who r doing CS. Poor you!!
    @The girlatfirstavenue- eheheheehhehe Really somethign gargled that way? Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa OMG OMG OMGGGGGGGG!! Hhhehehehehe..Chalo phewwww!!
    @Cloud Nine- She actually said it u know!! I cudnt control my laughter
    @Ravishankar-Thankyou for reading my posts sire!! U have been a regular reader. I respect thee!
    @Dawnzhang- Thankyou :)
    @Partha- Hey! That was real sweet of u!! Thanks macha!
    @Suvaiba- Tapori language hehehehe....Cute hai re ..especially coming from u :D. Hi 5 and cheers with PAANI :D
    @Keirthana- It is just plain boring but yes u get to reach soon :D
    @Sunitha- Hhahahahaahahahah how could I forget including tht in the post! I have seen the scarf thing too..gahahahah awesome you!
    @Soumya- Hah yes the gold fever we mallus have..It looks like she is a walking auction :P
    @R-A-J- U want to know the motivation? IT IS THE MONEY WHICH HAS ALREADY BEEN PAID :D..and cheese pizza!!! Me want!!U r soo cruel!
    @Binu Thomas- Ghahahah that reminded me...I still have the tag on my laptop bag. I am too lazy to remove it. NOW I WILL :D
    @Rahul- Hhehe thanks sirjee..U are a funny guy urself..Thanks!!!!
    @Nirvana- heheheeh true only na!!
    @Paanipuri Lover- Thankyou ma'am!!! We Indians really are a funny lot!
    @Kalpak- Seriously I feel like a dog! YES DOG...I wont call myself a bitch right now :D

    ReplyDelete
  29. LOL u nailed it ! I wanted to write something of this sort lately :D Tell me about it...I spotted a fat aunty in a brown tights recently and I rally thought she wasnt wearing anything below the waist ! It was so yucky !!! I felt my skin peeling off on its own ! And have u seen some people sporting hand baggage tags on their bags in remembrance of an air journey two decades ago ? Impossible people I say !

    ReplyDelete
  30. Before anything else,
    This picture in the end is all about me. :)
    Now to the post, please correct the first line, " traveled even ones" (shouldn't it be once).
    Loved the post. I experienced this on my flight from Calcutta to Malaysia. Imagine my plight when the malaysian woman sitting behind me asked me why my relative was creating such a fuss on the price. (This was when I was traveling solo, no relatives). :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. Hmmmm, you are rubbing salt on my wounds.
    Adding one more point: As soon as the boarding is announced, few people start running towards the toilet :-o

    ReplyDelete
  32. hehe...spot on in the observations again and when it is not your best you are cracking people-I wonder how grand would be the next best day:-)

    the translation of the coke bit was outstanding and goggles free with Horlicks...my gawd-aapka dimaag to Chacha Chawdhari se bhi tej chalta hain:-)

    and thank god you mentioned that u are also among the sauce and butter takers-i was almost cringing on that...but the forks n spoons-omg! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Lol this was too good and so true!! I love ur posts.

    ReplyDelete
  34. gosh this post really cracked me up! Aaah you're soooo BACK!!!! :D ..

    Snakes why no free free? Bhaisa said free free. Take me 50 rupeej for COCK :P .. LOL had she said this to a guy, he'd have jumped off the flight..lol :P ...

    Have come across these kinds and it's actually quite entertaining.. Hehehe :D ..

    No water kyu?? Is he insane? Anyways great post RED.. :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. oh my my ...i am so writting something about this.i WANT WANT to make fun :D

    ReplyDelete
  36. MADE me laugh out loudddddd :) There is so much humour on the plane especially when i am coming I seem to be a magnet for such people who dont know english but want to speak in english .. the hilarious part is i would talk in hindi and they reply in english.

    But the Coke one that was the best he he he he .. also have you noticed how when the plane lands and ready to taxi how people RUN as if they gonna be left onboard if they dont get down first ..

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
  37. Hilarious post!
    Red handed, I bumped into ur blog, a while ago, and you've got me hooked!
    Glad to see, that blogs, other than fashion blogs, are sooo popular too! You'be got a fan in me! :)
    I just started blogging, too! will be glad, if you drop by!

    Isha

    http://and-the-rest-is-his-story.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  38. You and your gym instructor :) Haha! :D

    Seriously, air planes are getting filled with all sorts of weird people. It's so annoying. It'll soon become like a local train :P

    ReplyDelete
  39. Hahaha! :))
    Seriously. Maybe its genetic or something.

    ReplyDelete
  40. RED!!!!!
    this is such an awesomely funny post!! :D

    Loved it! :D
    :: Snakes why no free free? Bhaisa said free free. Take me 50 rupeej for COCK::
    OMG. I almost died laughing! :P

    P.S.: the lawyer pic? So freaking true! :/

    ReplyDelete
  41. LOLz! I swear even I experienced something similar an year back but then was with my family so obviously couldn't concentrate on 'interesting' things around!

    PS: somebody un-followed me too :O kaun hai wo..pata karo :P


    sarah

    ReplyDelete
  42. :D :D :D :D :D
    Have you ever travelled by Air Deccan, I mean before Kingfisher took over?? They didn't have seat numbers back then, so there used to be a mad rush on the plane stairs just to get the window seats :P

    ReplyDelete
  43. I almost pray i dont find such types when i fly. :P but last time the flyer demanded free candy. :p it was hilarious :P

    awesome post as always.

    Looks like your instructor is really torturing you :\

    ReplyDelete
  44. OMG so true, I've come across such people before, especially when going to the Gelf :P You'll see chakkas and maangas in cardboard cartons by the dozen. Not to mention ladies decked in gold! :D

    ReplyDelete
  45. Especially if you are taking a flight from Kerala, you can even find people taking cartons of JACKFRUIT and COCONUTS to their place of destination//

    very true....

    malayalees cant live without their thengas,chakkas,achaars,chammanthypodis and mangaas.....!they think these r not available anywere else

    ReplyDelete
  46. Hahahaha!! Completely agree with almost all the points, especially the over loaded one!! People, especially Keralites can just not travel without their mangoes, coconuts, bananas etc!! Even if you get them in the place where you are going to!! It just gets on to your nerves at times!!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Haha, not a uncommon sight, to see these kind of people on airports. Poor things are too enamoured by the sophistication.

    And so much for working out. ;D Hilarious read.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Hahahahahaah rofl lovedd it :D

    I totally agree with each and every word u've written :D

    ReplyDelete
  49. Thanks a lot for your comment on my story :) Looking forward for your next post :D

    ReplyDelete
  50. ROFL! You are hilarious! I agree with all you've said. I too am a part of the hoarding the mints or any other chocolates...but the inflight mag and safety tips? Really??? :D

    ReplyDelete

  51. This blog is amazing and helpful, I really like this information. If anyone find to cheap flights to Mumbai from New York and New York to Mumbai flights in lowest price then call our travel experts. We provides many other New York to Mumbai flights as like-

    Low price flights to Mumbai from New York

    Best fare flights to Mumbai from New York

    Cheap fares flights to Mumbai from New York

    ReplyDelete

Spit It Out I Say !!!