Tuesday, 28 February 2012

The Blame Is On Her...


She opens her eyes to loneliness. The room is dark except for the faint light which creeps in through the blinds, letting shadows of vehicles passing by adorn the ceiling. She shifts her gaze to the man she was sharing her bed with, only to find him in a deep and comforting slumber. He was what society defined a perfect man and if perfection was requisite to be happy, then she would have been happy. It has been 11 years since she realized she wasn’t anywhere close to that happiness, to that peace of living life the way it should be. 

She crawls out of the bed before the alarm could fill the air with its harsh titter, and makes her way to the adjacent room. A child snuggled under a blanket with a gentle smile on his lips, makes her heart melt in ways she had felt only for one man. A man she had let go off when she should have hold on to. 

Every day as she watches her husband read bed time stories to their child, she hates herself a bit more for wanting a different man in his place. Every night as he slides next to her and runs his hands on her body, she shuts her eyes and imagines another man touching her. She can’t help but loath herself for she knows, the present could have been different, if only…

She has a past she relives in her mind every day, a past she wishes every moment that she could alter. A woman in love she once was, in love with a man who returned her sentiments, maybe bountifully more. She was proud to be the one who loved less for she knew that he would never let go of her. The man loved her and fulfilled her desires, irrespective of his material constrictions and his struggling life. Everything he wanted to be was more for her and less for him, more for being able to keep her forever and less for living his dream. But he knew her too well to know that one day, she will let go of him for what she called, a practical life beyond compromises. He had warned her earlier.

And she did exactly what he predicted. She let go of him for a wealthy man, a better man which her father pointed out to her. He was perfect in her eyes and all she had to do next was to fall in love with him. A good house, a husband with a benevolent character and she believed that with time, she will fall in love with him. She left her lover for a life on a plate readily served to her. He loved her too much to hold her back. 

A faint touch on her chin brings her back to where she was. She smiles at her son with her lips while her eyes mirror the pain her heart was going through. Why couldn’t she love the man she was married to? Her life was perfect society said, but why wasn’t she smiling? Why did she let go of him when all he asked was her to believe in him and in the love they shared? 

Sometimes, she drives by his home on her way back after dropping her child to school. Where there was once a tiny studio apartment, now stood a mansion with a gold address plate on the gate screaming his name. He became everything he said he will, but he now shared it all with a woman who believed in him.
Now, her existence is haunted by questions, the answers to which she cannot ignore. If only she had believed in him. If only she had realized that he was the diamond which time could polish. If only she had stood by his side. 

Life was now just pretence and she knew the blame was on her.



55 comments:

  1. Wow!

    Very well written. Loved the line - "He loved her too much to hold her back"

    Good job Red :)

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  2. Ohmigod.
    Red, this is BRILLIANT!
    I love this post, so damn bloody much.
    I wish she'd not have let go only, that she'd have had enough faith in their love.
    C'est fantastique =)
    x

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  3. The youngsters of THIS generation needs to seriously understand what 'practicality' is. It is not always about keeping your heart aside and deciding. If thats what one calls practicality, then let me tell this. ITS NOT. its called being HEARTLESS.
    Nice one Red. You are full of wonder :)

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  4. Beautifully penned Red, absolutely lovely.

    This can be made into a movie you know.

    Loved it <3

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  5. Wow.I loved this. If only she believed him...

    And like they say, marry somebody who just makes you feel a way you don't understand 'why'! :)

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  6. Would she have realised it if he was still struggling?!?!

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  7. We fail to see our happiness even when it is just before us. May be we become blind because of the glitters and the shine. But everyone needs to understand 'Everything that glitters is not gold' and about her question 'Why couldn't she love the man she was married to?'
    Because Love isn't about could or couldn't, Its about happening without trying! (A bit complicated but this is what I felt.)

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  8. Beautifully woven in words RH...if only she had believed!

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  9. Aww poignant and brilliant. I love this. You write so so well! :)

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  10. Poignant! I unknowingly empathized with her situation. Girls can be very practical you know. I too sometimes give into the pressure of practicality and logic. And maybe this is the reason I could feel her pain of regret.

    An exceptionally good work of fiction, Red. Your words kept me engrossed. :)
    Muah!

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  11. life isn't about earning golds but making best use of pennies with love.. lovely post.. :)

    Weakest LINK

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  12. A golddigger's story..nicely written :)

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  13. Aaah, my vote's fr the guys - both of 'em!! :)

    Nicely woven Red.. liked the retribution that life has handed over to her in the form of the guy n his bungalow :)

    but poor husband no 1 - me heart goes out fr him...

    nicely put, Red :)

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  14. Lovely! Most marriages these days lack the spice- love. Pretence is the only way out to spend the rest of the life. IF ONLY...

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  15. Routine lives makes people think others life is interesting. sometimes fantasies overrule human emotions.. Nicely narrated.

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  16. Read it. Loved it! Crave for more!

    Keep writing!!!!

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  17. Intense. Swept me off my feet in its own way.

    Some more? pretty pls?

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  18. wow pragmatic !!!! thats the problem wid our society :(, awesomely written

    http://campbuzzz.blogspot.in/2012/02/dreams.html

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  19. Yes, as the title goes; the blame is on her. She has miserably failed the two men in her life..

    Great read.. Cant stop thinking of her.. her remorse and remorse...

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  20. Nice read red. well written on the deepest emotions of a lady who failed to trust her love.
    But it makes you think, especially a little deeper, if there is chance for another 'unfaithful' in those lines... ;)

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  21. Very well written.. I could imagine every expression of the lady and could relate to her pain too. You've written that powerfully! :)

    I love this piece! :)

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  22. sigh...sighhhhh...every line of the post...is filled with repentance..
    such a sad decision to take...only if people were sane enough to be foolish in love for a change..and have patience..and hold on..
    u write so well love..god bless..
    cheers!!

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  23. Reminded of a popular Mallu ad 'Viswasam...athalle ellam ?' Good read. Not only in love, but how trust is everything in life.

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  24. daresay inspiring, but thats givin away too much. so yeah, great read.

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  25. She did what was best for her at that moment. She can't be blamed for that...as for the regret, consider if her ex-flame haven't had been successful in his life?. Will she ever have this regret emotion?. I don't think so, she will just think:Good, that I didn't marry that guy...

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  26. We, the younger generation always seek for extra or... illegitimate. We're the future of India.

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  27. This story sounds so much known.. You have poured in a lot of things and lot of your own thoughts into this fiction. Passion doesn't last when you don't have security and because she wasn't secure with the ex-flame she left him.. If he had turned a failure in his career then obviously she would have felt better!

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  28. I love the way you've narrated it..The blame is certainly on her..and now she lives in regret..I hope no one have to go through this in real life :|

    Keep writing :)

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  29. sad.. reminded me of something. why do people behave like that why cant they jsut do what they say or had promised ..

    what sort of person is a person who has no value for their own words or promises ..

    but its too late now for her , her loss and good for the man.. well done to him

    Bikram's

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  30. If only she had realized that he was the diamond which time could polish. If only she had stood by his side.

    So does it mean that if he could not managed or fate would have made him any less successful, she had a chance to not feel this way??
    or her deed stands justified for herself??

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  31. I guess i should read here after one year or so.. :)

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  32. Red, you must do more fiction, seriously. Suits you more! Obviously you are the undisputed champion of humour! :D
    But I think fiction is where you let it all out. This post was mind blowing. How easily you described the pain. It came so naturally! Loved it! :D

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  33. Brilliant is the word,a lyrical post...how the hell do u come up with such heart-touching posts..Wonderful!

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  34. yup. the blame's definitely on her like anyone would point out. but she made her choice! you know the saying "you made the bed,now lie in it". unfortunately for her.

    beautiful writing in there!

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  35. OMG Red! This is brilliant! A masterpiece! You nailed it Red! Loved it to the core!

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  36. Wow. That was so beautiful.
    Many a time, these days, people do not trust each other completely. That is what the problem is.
    Really Good one :-)

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  37. She regrets because she let him go and still loves or at the lost opportunity?

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  38. nice story
    believing in someone is very difficult task

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  39. It is rare to see a woman write out a story which compels to empathize with the man (men, here) in the story!! Brilliant, maturre writing, Red!

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  40. oh my! thats a beautiful story...
    only if........
    brilliant!
    u've brought it out soo well!
    cheers!

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  41. Sigh. This was heart breaking. In a way that I can't explain, even to myself.

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  42. This line onwards, this post is on another level...

    "She has a past she relives in her mind every day, a past she wishes every moment that she could alter."

    I read a lot and what I personally like is when someone can write and convey in the most simple words. Hurt my right hand on tuesday otherwise would have written an essay comment to praise such a brilliant post.

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  43. Life was now just pretence and she knew the blame was on her.

    OYE HOYE !!! solid line.
    No big words ( cuz i don't know many !! ) ... :D
    Well penned, liked it. :-)
    Its amazing how people choose comfort over love and then regret leaving the person who cared for them,hence account for the sad endings!

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  44. fiction haan? kya baat hai, *high 5* mast likha hai

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  45. well written! everybody needs a secure and well set life ;)

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  46. I like the stories in which the central character is grey.Makes him/her more real..Good one Red!

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  47. I like stories that deviate from the normal! Nice one Red Handed! Could vividly imagine every word you said!! :)

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  48. Currently in a beautiful relationship and will know that it will end up like this , just that i wouldnt mind the blame if he sees the light of success.

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  49. Well.. she could have loved him for love's sake...than with an expectation that he will turn into a "diamond" some day. If that was not enough for her and she wanted to secure her future, then that's fine too...although her reaction at the end was interesting.

    Btw, her actions might just have been the reason for the success after all...He might have been inspired after having been royally kicked on his backside by the lady :-D.

    Well written...like always.

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