Friday, 18 May 2012

How To Escape An Arranged Marriage...


I am in that tragic phase of life. The phase which every person, be it man or woman cannot escape. The phase in your life which your parents have been waiting for ‘like a boss’. If you are an Indian, your life cycle has been genetically designed to endure the pain of arranged marriages, unless off course you create an outburst in your family and zip them up. This generally results in dramatic tears, exchange of chilli paste coated words and in the worst case scenario, disowning the offspring. 

I was born on 14th September 1989 at 6:10 am in a place called Bhillai in Chattisgarh and before my first birthday on 14th September 1990, my Jadakam or Kundli was custom made by an astrologer who claimed that he was King Aurangzeb’s favourite general Mr. Mir Jumla in his previous birth. Last month I stepped out of my student life and now I am the ripe mango which my granny thinks should be sold fast. Everything that glitters is not gold especially for us Malayalees and since it is the most essential item in any Keralite wedding, sometimes more important than the bride itself, the gold accumulation had started the moment I got out of school and into the law University. 

Fortunate I am that my parents did not hitch me up while I was still in college. Four of my batch mates are married and one is now shopping for maternity clothes. But the moment I was done with my college life, my father approached an assumed to be famous astrologer who sleepily asked for my birth date, place and time. He then made some geometric designs on a piece of paper and wrote  utter gibberish. According to him, I have to be married off within 2 years which my Dad thinks is time sufficient to find a dork of a guy to stick me up with for life. Well I will be 23 this September, so going with the calendar, I will be ruining somebody’s life by 25. 

Anyways, this prompted me to Google search some ways to escape arranged marriages and apart from some grotesque links on honour killing and videos about women who ran away from home, there was not much help available. So I sat down and pretended to be Buddha, followed by some eye to wall contact which led to some dull but useful ideas which as they say can change your life, for better or for worse.
Use any one or a combination or all of the following techniques during the groom visiting or bride seeing ceremony-

1)      Be honest- You where taught ‘honesty is the best policy’ for a reason and the reason is this. Be honest even if it hurts the ears of the listener. Let’s call the person who came to see you or the person you forcibly went to see the ‘scapegoat’. Pour in your honesty to the best of its ability but never before your parents. I intend to corner the scapegoat, away from the herd and introduce him to all the not so proud facts about myself with a few monstrous additions like the love for roasting bugs in candle flame during power cuts and my love for watching autopsy videos. This shall go one till he starts thinking I am the devils own. Well the fact that I am an advocate is a turn off in itself.

2)      Married Avatar- Introduce the scapegoat to your post wedding avatar. I plan on telling him that I intend to never adhere to the whims and fancies of his mother, give him nightmares about touching the Below Poverty Line due to my shopaholic tendencies and my devious idea of suing his family in a false case of domestic violence every time a trivial domestic turmoil arose. 

3)      De-Hymenated and Mr.Casanova- Your expertise in the field of bed doesn’t matter until you have the ability to lie about it. If you already are the broken one, then you are the chosen one, if you know what I mean! Just mathematically and statistically let the scapegoat know about the turbulent episodes you have had on bed with people who meant something to you and many who didn’t. It’s a sad state of affair that men still prefer virgins when it comes to marriage and women of expertise when it comes to just a fling. Well use that fact to your benefit. 

4)      Parent talk- Opt to tell your parents about the fact that you do not intend to marry until you feel you should and that they should quit showing you images of men with middle partition and hair oiled enough to stink even on photographs. This can cause a definite mayhem but then again worth a try.

If you utilise the above techniques in the most appropriate manner, you will ward away the scapegoat like a striped polecat. But this may also result in you being forever alone unless you have a back up plan i.e a lover waiting for you. Make sure that your parents are unaware of your evil intent or the situation can get a little too messy. You don’t want no filmy episodes!!!

But who knows there might be some douchebag who might like you inspite of all your ugly talks and your scary facts because he knows your game. That is when you should call it quits!!

P.S- I am back in action. Starting now all the posts that make it to my timeline shall be visited and read. College life is over and I am back home as an unemployed girl who is supposed to start preparing for civil judge exam up next year. 
P.P.S- I joined the gym again and the hot gay trainer is still here to rub salt on my open wounds. My heart aches!! If you are not familiar with the tale of the hottie, pls read THIS
P.P.P.S- So anyone missed me? I have an inflated sense of self worth.

121 comments:

  1. I never thought my parents were like this- because we don't even live in India. I was born in New Zealand.

    But they are. They so are. Maybe not to this extent, but you should see my mother. She does, what I like to call "the parade of the goat".

    Scene 1: The Family Gathering/Party
    Me = Goat

    Mother: Hey, how are you? (to person XYZ). We should totally get your son and my goat to meet up! Ahaha yes I told my goat to keep an eye out for boys, but the unfortunate creature has better things to do. Ambitious and all.

    Person XYZ: Sounds like a plan! But lets not tell them about it.

    Goat: I can hear you both.

    (sorry about the essay-like comment). But I can totally relate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehe like I said we Indians are genetically inclined to opt for arranged marriages...especially when u are the parent. poor little goat. My heart goes for u. thankyou for being the first to read!!!

      Delete
  2. LOL

    For the newbies in the arranged marriage market, you should have underlined, italicised the main point here - a lover waiting for you :D

    This would surely help for the long timers in the market ;)

    And yeah, I missed you :)

    -Visha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. heheheheh u are the reason why I update the blog. Thankyou for the mail !

      Delete
    2. I'm 2 years older than you, female, single and Malayalee. God only knows how I've escaped it till now. Threats and anger are the only thing that have kept me from being sent to the slaughterhouse of arranged marriage. I have been stubbornly unwilling to get married and made no bones about it. I keep telling my folks that I'm intelligent and educated and have no need for the burden of a marriage.












      Delete
  3. I missed you Ohsomuch!!
    ROFLMAO!! Those points sure as hell will scare anyone off!
    :P I laughed cos I'm still 20 and in the you-should-go-to-foreign-and-earn phase.

    I loved the way you described the astrologers!
    And blog more often and let us know bout how you dodge the oilheads!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. from now on I shall blog more and then u shall ask me to stop :D Thankyou for reading!

      Delete
  4. I missed you a lot.

    Am done to college too. Yaaay to both of us!!

    Approximately a year and 4 months back I got my first arranged marriage proposal and I was a fresh Intern back then. I did not stop crying (like literally with big tears) until I called up this family member who works as a part time match maker for my entire extended family and told him TO GO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE! ;-) :-P

    Did not go very well and ended up feeling guilty about it because of the fake Indian values about respecting elders instilled in me. But lately I realised elders are not always correct and there is no need for me to respect anyone for their age.

    I think my family shivers with fear when someone brings up arranged marriage for me! Ha ha. Disclosure: I am single.

    To top it all the astrologer was consulted as is done by every Hindu family and guess what he said. He said I am not that kind of a girl who will instantly marry a person my family will suggest but it seems it is not going to be a typical love marriage either. Gist: My family is up for some tough time ahead.

    Again, I missed you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thts amazing!!! as far as I remember u blogged abt wanting to mr perfect and finding him urself. Am I right? then according to the astrologer, ur plan seems to be working perfectly! Now just wait for Mr Perfect to find his way to u and tht might include some boring arranged setup whr the groom is irresistable!!

      Delete
    2. That made me blush so much that the redness could be seen right through my dark skin :P

      I hope my Mr. Perfect gets the message. Although, right now he just seems to be enjoying other girls. :P

      Delete
    3. Hhahaha...but u r the destination!!! He will get hooked forever!

      Delete
  5. FINALLY you're back.. and my goodness wedding plans in the family..so soon? Man!

    Your ideas seem to be amazing, but with the Mallu guys checking you out...umm all the above points might lose..knowing that they have a crazy head and even crazier ideas...they might just find you irresistible :D .. hahah :P

    All the best for the upcoming exam babe.. ace it :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. civil judge exam is no piece of cake, though m behaving as if it is like eating a fruitcake :( Thankyou so much for reading girl!!! and yes considering the type of mallu guys around me, I am in for some tough times!

      Delete
  6. blahahaha...RED my louuuu..m a year elder..and i am sick and tired of going through all the arranged marriage mentalness at home..
    blooodyy ze hell...
    whichever function u go these idiots(read unwanted relatives) will be ready of a long list of supposed suitors for you.
    pffttt..i don't even have the façade of college and exams to cover up as an excuse..
    sigh..foolishness...but m also keeping my own very well..brilliant warrior i be
    arjuna would have been proud of me today..
    *pats on me back*

    aaaaa...but i am sure these inputs will help my darling..
    all the best to you..
    together we shall and we will protect ourselves from the matrimony epidemic.

    superb post wonly molayy
    welcome back..
    *grins*

    cheers!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahahahahah congratulations for the commendable dodging away of unwanted proposals! May you get hitched with the looove of ur life! Lots of love and kisses!! :D

      Delete
  7. You could also -

    a) Throw subtle misdirected and confusing hints that you might have a thing for the ladies.

    b) Pretend to be physically challenged ; throw in a temporary squint during the 'performance' for dramatic effect.

    Well, you get the general idea.

    I might have to bookmark this for future reference. Great to have the lawyer and her howlarious lists back.

    Cheers :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well physically challenged. well wht abt acting like u r possessed by a JIN....my eyes can help me in tht field! :D Thankyou for reading!

      Delete
  8. I have tried some of those, even tough I don't have a backup plan.Here are some more, practical ones from my kitty, which are tried and tested. And they really work -

    1- Tell the guy that you have been living independently for almost a decade. And you're staying alone at the moment, coz you don't want room-mate clashes. This invariably scares away the guy, as he thinks the girl is too independent to be tamed.

    2-Casually mention your last month's phone bill crossed all previous records.

    3-Tell when you visit home, you can't stand your own parents for more than a few days coz the fuss they make about everything.

    4-Tell him you are a free soul and wouldn't give up your career and freedom for anything in the world.

    5-Tell him you want to acquire a few more degrees and you love to study

    These are tried and tested techniques, and they work, every single time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Man those are some witty ideas!!! I am 100% sure those will work!! Thankyou sooo much for reading!

      Delete
  9. haha..........All the best! To the guy ofcourse! :P
    So good to see you back!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well the guy will surely have a hard time living with me....

      Delete
  10. *sees your post on the dashboard and squeals in glee*
    Yo Red! =D

    ZOMG o.O
    hahahahahahaha, smart points. But what if nobody believes you? o.O
    Next year,okayy. Till then, like u said, keep blogging yes?
    And do you even need to ask? Duh I missed you! :|
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I liiiike squealing Lets do tht together! Bear hugs!!! Well lets just hope they believe me!1 or else m stuck!!! I missed u too :D

      Delete
  11. I missed you :)
    And I'll be sympathizing your misery in about four years from now :[

    [For a 7KhoonMaaf senario. contact me. we can be a team ;)]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I shall ping you once the plan is made :D ok?

      Delete
  12. You might just have saved my life, sweety. I'm on the market now, and having to look at photos of moustached uncles with no grammar sense wahtsoever.

    Add to the list- write a long, brutally honest profile description and partner preference on your online profile. Half of them won't understand what's written. The other half who will, will want to run in the other direction. This is precisely what I've done. :p

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    Replies
    1. Man so u n me are like two commodities in the market. well the good part is my profile has not yet been put in the matrimonial site..so thts a relief :D

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    2. MY Heartfelt prayers with you too.. !!

      Delete
  13. The one that most of my friends got away with has been actually telling the guy that they have an affair and beseech him to refuse you and help you out. It somehow appeals to their sense of male ego and works like a charm most of the time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Male ego can sometimes be a true saviour!! :D Thankyou for reading!!

      Delete
  14. You're back finally :)
    Indian families literally wait for their daughters to get done with their studies for the sole reason of getting them married. And grandmothers? Don't talk about them :P

    The hot :D gay :( instructor! Have fun with the good sight ;)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. These grandparents add fuel to the fire! Kitni badi ho gayi!! Shadi kar leni chahiye!! and all tht shit!! :D

      Delete
  15. The married avatar is the best :D :D Nightmares of every guy!! :D :D The other suggestions can be used only if there is a lover waiting ;) Honestly autopsy videos??? :O :O :O

    All the best with gym :D :D
    And you know you were missed a lot :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh tht was true! I do watch autopsy videos :D. Like me ?? :D

      Delete
  16. And she is back!!!!:-D Awweee-freaaaking-some post....:-D

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Your welcome sirjee!!!! Thankyou for reading!!!

      Delete
  17. why not saying tht guy straight abt your intentions would work btw??


    what if you found him irresistible??

    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well..tht can be an option too but hey why own up to someone you dont even like :D but good point!

      Delete
    2. Its not owning, its rather telling him that you actually dont have time for this kind of shit thing.

      :), and even if you feel its owning.

      Well, let it be. Who cares???

      Delete
  18. yup we missed u! I said 'we' coz am sure there r others too :D
    and yes, this post was reallyyyy helpful..coz being in the early 20s bracket even I am looked as nothing more than a ripe marriage material ( i knw sounds sick :/)
    btw, hillarious post!


    sarah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh it doesnt sound sick...we are the ripe mangos like my granny says :D..and thankyou for reading girl!! :D

      Delete
  19. Marry me?
    .
    .
    .
    Please?
    No, not exactly a douchebag. More like George Costanza.

    [I've been a silent stalker for quite some time now. But, had to say it - Love your sense of humor! Keep writing.]

    ~cmus

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehe I dont think u shud let someone ruin your life so easily. So I shall back off :D. Thankyou sire for reading. U know it means a lot!

      Delete
  20. Of course we missed you. :P

    Dude, you're just plain cool.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehe thankyou for tht epic compliment! I hope m worth it!

      Delete
  21. Ahh I can so relate to this phase...mine was so bad that I actually feel pity for unmarried girls ! I had to ward off many prospective grooms...and sometimes talking to them directly that I am not interested !! This worked for a couple of them but things got messy when the father of one such guy called my Papa and talked about it...and aiyyyooo my home was war ground, my girl !
    And yes gold accumulation happened as well, but I chose to wear just one necklace. Luckily my in laws were very impressed by my choice of not going overboard with show offs. :D Hmm anyway try your level best for the exam and concentrate just on that... try to scare away any other life altering potential threats ( grooms) until then!
    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well civil judge is my saviour but then again, I cant stop my parents from the hunting spree :D...Man kurukshetra might hav happened at ur place when u did tht!!

      Delete
    2. Yeah it did. And then further comparisons with classmates who were married , some who were pregnant at that time (DAMN)! I had to sneak out of the house lying very imaginatively for my friends weddings...cos I cant say the word 'Wedding' ! Good Lord... save all unmarried girls from this torture ...esp RED HANDED ;-) !

      Delete
  22. When I saw your post, I was like OMG, she's back? Wow. Yaaaay, and serious? Marriage? Sigh, poor you. however you can just use one of your cool options :P

    Btw, the 4th point is hardly going to work :P Haha, they might just interpret it as you do want to get married. Anyhoooo glad to see you back, plus don't vanish again!

    Sonshu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehe I wont vanish..atleast not anytime soon!!Well I dont think the 4th point will work. not before my parents atleast!

      Delete
  23. Tell me about it! I'm just 20 and I got his crap going on at home ALREADY!

    I contemplated in the company of the wall too...n scaring the crap out of the guy's the best solution that came to my mind...talking to parents n making them understand-yeah, that doesnt work...

    A solution better than that? Sign up for some course or job and go far far away for a couple of years!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. man thts bad! at 20 itself???!!!!Like I said civil judge thing, is my saviour as of now :D

      Delete
  24. Or tell the parents you are in love with one awesome man who is currently studying in America Shamerica and you will marry only him when he returns to India 2 yrs later! :P And then 2 yrs later tell them he died in a plane crash on the day he was arriving! :D

    ReplyDelete
  25. hahaha the whole idea is not to involve ur parents :P but then again quite a witty idea :D

    ReplyDelete
  26. of course missed u...nice that you are back...btw, why hate arranged marriage so much? you may get a good loving and lovable guy...who knows?? like u said, unless you have a lover waiting for you, i personally dont see a reason to hate arranged marriages...anyways...wish to see more from you...keep writing...:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dont hate the concept of arranges marriages. I just want to postpone it for some years :D. Thanku for reading :)))

      Delete
  27. hahahha

    lol...ur still young trust me... and marriuage business is a no at such an early age;)

    but ma-pa would remain the same...hehehe... cant change them... :)

    loved ur post btw:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U come and tell my parents tht. I walk around the house in my shorts and loose Tshirt and still they say m ready to get married

      Delete
  28. Hey,its my first time here,loved reading your post.You have rightly shown how marriages can get on to us in such a wrong way.
    I hope you succeed in escaping your arranged marriage but wish you soon find a love from whom you don't need to escape...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to the blog!!!!!!hehehe I just want to postpone the arranged marriage for some years!! Pls do visit again!

      Delete
  29. zeee....i missed you...for one....and second, im so tired of writing and talking abt mrriage that i'd refrain from posting a comment related to the post...:o :o
    three...was as always laughing throughout the post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The topic "marriage" causes traums. So I understand :D
      Thankyou for reading Miss!! :))

      Delete
  30. Too good Red.. as always. True...it can get to your nerves,...but why don't you just insist on meeting the guy and talking to him alag se (without whole baraat like retinue at first). Tell them that unless ladka -ladki ek doosre ko pasand kare, what's the use of wasting family ka time.
    Such a meeting would typically be just a coffee or something at some good/expensive restaurant giving you ample time to scare the shit out of any guy... and you can also have something good to eat which wouldn't be that bad...right? :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The expensive restaurant theory is brilliant!!! I shall note tht down :D. Thanku sooo much for reading!!

      Delete
  31. The society and its obsession with getting married. And not to forget the gold.

    Your tips make for a hilarious read but there's a chance it just might backfire - assuming the prospective 'scapegoat' spilled the beans to all and sundry?

    Nice read. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It has every chance of backfiring :D.. heheheh but there is hope :D

      Delete
  32. Good to see you back in action . and a lovely comeback post tooo :)
    I think marriage is a lottery arranged-not arranged .. each has its own pro's and cons'
    and a gay trainer hmmm maybe you can ask him ot be changed ... :)

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marriage is a contract :( and yes the gay trainer..buhuhuhuhuhu :(

      Delete
  33. with this post you will become an inspiration to many others ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hhahahaah I am just a blogger :D Thanku for reading!!!

      Delete
  34. Yipppeeee!!! U Back!!! I missed u Red!!!!! :D

    Aah, u're in that stage of life where Yash Chopra makes movies about.. me hvn pretty gud experience here... me no1 ladykiller line is "I've had a few bad relationships n then I did go trying out some more.... u know, that was a very confused stage of my life that I'm not proud of... yes, that stage has not finished" .. they think I'm like the town whore or somethin n they usually vote against me.. works everytime for me.. guess the ''virginity trap' works both ways :D

    I agree with u tht meetin women arranged can be a drag; but after a while, its kinda fun.. even though I dont get married 2 'em, I hv an active social life with all the women I meet on the weekends.. beats bein at home n watchin 'two n a half men' fr the nth time...

    Welcum back, Red!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So u r using the points I have mentioned above. The honesty one and the Mr casanova one :D. heheheheh. Well I havent met a guy forced by my parents till now, so m safe for sometime. And active social life eh ??? Hahhaah have fun man. It will end some day :D :P

      Thankyou for your comment Raj :))

      Delete
  35. Hey if that guy still likes me after all that, it could only mean one of the two:
    1. He's a friggin psycho and I should run away in the other direction
    2. He genuinely likes me despite all my shit. CATCH!

    Good to have you back!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha good point. he cud be a frigging psycho!!!!! Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  36. Few days back I put up a status on fb saying, "So many ppl around me are getting married, seems like they have taken the '2012-End of the world' thing seriously"..:P Got some 40+ likes and comments. Too many people falling into the pit..;-)

    All I can say is, "Let the Lord be with you". And the Gay Trainer.?!? *tch*tch*tch* How many worries for a 22yr old. Pity you..:D

    And watch this video, if you understand tamil. Uses ur 3rd idea..:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hhahahaahhaahha I checked the video out...yeh I understand tamil!! epic epichahah!

      Delete
  37. LOL!! Hilarious to say the least:D

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  38. I dated this guy for 4 years before my parents pulled the plug. There was no drama, cause I was wise enough to choose a guy from my own caste... lot of crying and begging that I needed 3 more years before wedding followed, but my parents decided that it was time as, they wanted me to get hitched before 25 :( . Even the guy ended up telling me that he wanted to marry before the world ended. So, this is the story of another mallu who was forced into marriage...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm...what matters is whether u r happy now!

      Delete
  39. Ripe Mango...lol...Please don't marry at a young age. Live your life a bit, earn and enjoy your freedom. I have 2 mallu friends and I know how your parents behave. I pray one of the technique work as a repellent when a guy comes to you...

    Welcome back dear :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I read my own blog, I know for the fact tht I am an immature person who should not get married for another 5 yrs.!1 :D

      Delete
  40. Areeeeeeeee ! Ofcourse you were missed. the fat that mine is probably the last comment to appear has nothing to do with this coz' I read on comment non-friendly devices way back (feel like adding 1967 for effect).

    Hayyo, with exam next year and at such a young age, marriage aa? And then there is this gay trainer also. Life eeeez hard !

    You'll do just fine Red :) Exam and marriage and all that. The gay trainer I can't promise.

    Good to see you back ! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. heheeheh Life is hard!! and the summertime is making it harsh!!!!!

      Delete
  41. Welcome back, babe;)So, u up in the market? poor scapegoat;)

    ReplyDelete
  42. Well, that was quite an awesome post to restart with after getting back! And I see people here getting all excited and happy that you're back. That's WOW! You're loved. :)

    Love.
    www.inthepourinrain.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehe thankyou and btw welcome to my foolish little blog :)

      Delete
  43. Yay!! *Dances around for an hour*. You're back :D

    Sure missed you around here. You are 89 born?? :O, okay you can officially start calling me aunty now :'(

    Mallu girls and arranged marriage, sigh, welcome to the club. Gold being more important than the bride, TELL ME ABOUT IT. I just got a huge raise at work and guess what I was made to buy first!! A big piece of yellow junk that would cover my painfully and awesomely maintained waist and boobs. Not a good feeling.

    Please please please don't marry someone with oiled hair or a meesha. You might end up fighting the divorce case yourself. Oh second thoughts, it doesn't seem all that bad. These mallu fuckers are stinking rich. Well, most of them are. See, we already have a back up plan ;)

    Glad to have you back, stay here. Else, we might start requesting for pictures of the proposals that come your side :P

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thats a generous comment :) I have nooo intention on marrying a meeesha madhavan :D. But if he luks like madhavan then m cool :D. But yeh m too young for marriage and stuff!

      Delete
  44. Welcome Back Red Handed... And what a topic to choose. Straight up and hard not to Notice!!

    What to say of this topic, a nuisance for all!! :-P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. heheh thankyou for reading sirjee!

      Delete
  45. I think the 3rd weapon would demolish the attacker totally :o

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  46. Red Red Red :D Kaise ho? ;) Wow, it's funny how we are on the same page of life, most of the times. This is the 4th incident when you and I are going through the similar phase.
    Anyway, talk to me beti, I have suffered a lot for this arrange marriage thingy. I can help you with the escape routes ;)
    Read this one, http://clandestinerevealed.blogspot.in/2012/04/marriage-interview.html

    Too good description and choice of words :) Ripe Mango :P. Keep Rocking! Aur batao, apart from marriage, any future plans? Study or job hunting?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Man, I read that post wen you posted :D. Yes I did. You are an expert on the subject I c :D
      Yes job hunting happenning. But pehle advocate banne do. Exam on september.

      Delete
  47. Hey, welcome back. So happy to see you are back. :) I read your post on my phone and it compelled me to open it on the laptop and comment.

    I enjoy any and all endeavours in applied psychology which is what this seems to call for. So, I can add a few ideas, if you don't mind.

    The Yoga way - Start with your head in the facing forward. Then move your head to left until your chin is almost touching your left shoulders. Then move your head to the right all the way to the right shoulder. Repeat this several times each time you are asked to do anything related to an arranged marriage. (No, I am not Baba Ramdev with an alias).

    The Horrible way - Get the scapegoat alone and hint that there is a past scandal that your parents are keeping under wraps..mention the word 'abortion' under your breath and hint that you can't give your future mother-in-law the grandson she would be hoping for. It would be surefire but there's a reason I call it horrible.

    The Competition story - Tell him the reason your parents are trying to do this so quickly is because you are in love with someone else and he's a person of shady character...drug dealer, cop, mafia lord, make him anything that takes your fancy that day.

    I have a few more but you have a pretty good collection of ideas by now your own and your readers.

    Good luck with the parade and do keep blogging.

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  48. Here's something you could try:-

    Insist that you want your kid to be named Champak or Ganpatrao.....as a tribute to your best friend

    Welcome back...

    Cheers
    CRD
    (coming back soon)

    ReplyDelete
  49. Here's what you can do:-

    Insist that you want your son to be named "Champak" or "Pappu" as a tribute to your best friend

    Welcome back...

    Cheers
    CRD
    (coming back soon)

    ReplyDelete
  50. Hahahahahaaaa... what a piece of art!! Good one :)

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  51. Am the youngest one having 4 elder brothers enjoying their bachelorhood and then suddenly one day they say i should consider getting married, i got so mad and told my parents i'll throw a shoe at the guy who will walk in to "see me".Though my dad did not talk to me for a month, the trick worked! Now anyone comes up to him he warns "my daughter shouts a lot, am scared to ask her" :D

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  52. oh mahn...I am totally effed up! I fell in love with this guy and i just love him so much . But my parents, ofcourse, are against love marriage.
    Now I don't know what to do with myself. I am totally going to say that I want to study for rest of my effin ife. My parents are all pro-educaton so i think i will be able to handle them for few more years.
    But today my mom casually mentioned about this guy and it just completly broke my heart.I told her to not to talk to me about marriage and i am never getting married and then i stormed to my room. But How the heck am I going to tell my bf about this? He will be devastated. Oh my lord...i don't know what to do! I am going to run away if there is nothing I can do :'(

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  53. heheeee!! i can so imagien u saying all this!! :D
    loved it! :D

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  54. God dammit . ....my parents had me arrainged at age 13....this has left me traumatized and made me into a raging fuktard ...is there any solutions to this without coming out like a bad apple and ruin the family rep...even though i know the girl don't give a fuck about me...and chats with other guys on fb..on cell ...and txt...but pretends to be incent infront of evryon1 else....parents won't listen ...i'm conemplating suicide...WTF im gone half insane...can't relate to other ppl in my age group ...fuk my life...fuken assholes behen chod ....its like were fukin cattle to them

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  55. You know what... you are too good...Any guy would say happily yes to you... even after all your tricks..
    PS: Just don't show your blog to any guy who visits you for matrimony selection process...Or else he won't even bother meeting you or talking to you.. He will say yes by reading your blog only :p

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  56. hahahaha NO NO!!! You know y i am anonymous?? Just so that I dont die a spinster :P

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  57. I really want an Indian but she has a marriage waiting for her when her family goes back from here. But I want her to find love now! And I'm willing to help her find it! What are some tips to end the plan that doesn't involve that other guy?

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  58. I am readx to leave marriage but i am afraid of my father what can i do

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  59. Fantastic blog post and very useful information. I must appreciate the brilliant work by brilliant writer. Keep blogging. Best of luck.

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  60. hahaha..I am still laughing at your 'If you already are the broken one, then you are the chosen one' :D :D Let me know which one of the above methods is most successful, I am gonna try them ;)

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  61. I was Google searching on how to escape arrange marriage and I found this.. :P.. Love you red :*

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  62. hahaha...Join me as we escape together! :P
    I love u more! :D

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  63. Oh! And that's why, a comment like: 'Reading this I know I am not ready.' on my blogpost http://aayesha1611.blogspot.in/2014/06/a-ritual-called-marriage.html
    I get it now :P

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  64. Our Indian sarees looks awesome in Indian Traditional Dresses ...wonderful post!! Really amazing Saree!silks saree

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  65. OKAY. I read this post just today. I see that it was posted 2 years before.
    That means the silly astrologer's prediction were not that great, as always.
    These arranged marriages are so much funny indeed for the girl and boy; fun for all others!

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  66. So the first comment I placed seems to have vanished. I'm 30 ,male and found ur blog through Google. I like ur writing !. Ur right its not always easy to tell ur folks that u don't wanna get married at all unless u have some furious dialogues thrown at each other. My dad keeps reminding me not to pay attention to what people say n stuff. But I know he does give a shit why otherwise would he remind me about marriage every time we speak over the phone. Hope ur still single...keep writing.cheers

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  67. My mother always used to say that i want you to get married inly when u become financially strong and start earning .. and this was something i pretty much liked about her .. but thesw days some of our relatives are behind thr life ... now yoh should start looking for a guy .. some literally ring up my dad and suggest some proposals .. my dad said shz quite small rite now ( il turn 21 in July nd il complete my graduatn in may.. so yes.. i think m quite small for it.. and i am.. m not even mature enough to handle such big a thing like marriage.. i hardely am able to handle myself 😅)
    So dad kind of postponed d idea but to my astonishment.. my mom said you should nlt say a no straightaway .. n i was like wait m not at all ready for this .. i have to live my life first .. i need 5 yrs atleast..
    Thy wr like we r not makimg u marry we r just listening to them

    But every nxt day if you r going to listen to them then surely they WL very soon overpower ur head

    Please please tell me what to do of these relatives 😤 top of all they r my dad's siblings so no escape!

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  68. Yaar help me, these people are coming to see me, they're crazy about me. I'm not happy about them.

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Spit It Out I Say !!!