Thursday, 13 December 2012

One Cup Life Please!!

‘Mediocre’ that is how I do not want to describe my life as. A blatant existence earnestly waiting for some turbulence to happen and catch me off guard. As a kid I remember asking my Grandmother if there was something she excelled at or followed as an interesting hobby. She would look at me from between those plastic jars she was filling with freshly made pickles and tell me that during her time she was not allowed to have hobbies. She just existed and fulfilled her duties as a woman, whatever that meant or included. 

Then came the woman who introduced me to the world, my mother. I was forcefully enrolled into a music class by her during the early years of my school life. My Sundays were dedicated to a funny looking master with his colourful Harmonium, painstakingly trying to make a nightingale out of me. I never understood the concept of doing something you never enjoyed, even if you were good at it. Many a time I would find my mother humming the songs I was forcefully taught the previous Sunday and when sometimes I whined to her regarding my lack of interest in learning classical music, she would look at me with genuine sadness glinting in her eyes and remind me of her dream to learn music as a child, which I was now supposedly fulfilling. Offcourse, I opted out of it when I had enough of the man and his grating harmonium. 
       
My father is a virtuous man whose life revolves around his family and the bank he works for. He believes in a stable existence and risks are something he admires when others take, but it has never been his cup of tea. Regular money pouring in every month, loan instalments being met sincerely, lands being bought as an investment, kids scoring well in their studies, the stock market being Bull market, needs of the family members being piously met; all of this and he is a content man. But does this satisfaction denote true happiness? How duties subjugate a man and deceive him unceremoniously. Everyone in my family, has lived a perfectly planned life. School check, college check, job check, marriage check, kids check and from there began kids school check, kids college check, kids job check.  The list goes on till death reminds them that life ends unplanned anyway. 
       
The point is that now I am at such a crossroads, where I have two options. Live a planned life like my family has, or not plan at all but live a beautifully unplanned one. For I do not want to be someone who was so shackled as to never even remember to have a hobby, or someone who relishes on seeing her child pursue a hobby she was not able to, or someone who is so crushed by moral and worldly duties that life became a balance sheet for him, which must tally at all costs. 
       
One should not be compelled to know as to what step he/she is supposed take next. I am 23 yet clueless as to what I must become. Rejected some good job offers because I did not feel connected to the whole corporate lawyer scenario. Still blank as to what life demands from me. Well I did become a lawyer. Isn’t that a good enough achievement for now? Time is of essence, but let it not bind me. Life can wait for right now living is what I want to do.

P.S- No explanations for the hiatus. How are you guys?

44 comments:

  1. Hmmm well i am sure you will get there for sure .. when i was your age I also did not have a clue what i was going to do .. but it will happen you just need to keep eyes open and hear your heart..

    when someone told me I should go to UK, I had that feeling so got my passport applied for visa and within 3 months of getting the passport and applying I was here in UK..

    so All the best with everything , take care of yourself nad keep smiling ...

    and since you asked .. I am doing great :) thank you ..

    Good to see you back

    Bikram's

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    1. Your comment gave me hope...Lets c what life has in store :)

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  2. My two cents: Take your time to figure out... Don't rush into anythin.

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    1. Even before I read the post! BIG QUESTION- Where have u been all this while??? :I missed reading ure posts

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    2. Aaah..on the post- Do what your heart says. Be a rebel with a Cause! Let something consume you to a degree beyond which no planning is needed. Just fucking do what feels right. The universe has funny ways of taking you to your destiny you know? But only if you let it. Rest is all noise.

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    3. I have no plan to rush but my parents want me to :P

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  3. As much as I yearn for an unplanned life, I hate to admit it fucks my mind completely. I have been planning an escape for far too long now.

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    1. But doesnt it hurt how often our plans never often workout

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  4. I am in a similar place right now.. battling my next move.. So I cant give advice :)

    But I know this much, when you know you dont want to be mediocre, that knowledge pushes you to find the extraordinary in the world and live up to it.

    Hope you find your space soon.

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    1. Inspirational!! That was truly inspirational!Thanks

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  5. I too see myself in your current place in the near future. And therefore I might not be able to suggest you anything or help you decide which way to take. But your approach to life is appreciable...the last line of course! :)

    And one more thing, don't be scared of the road less traveled. :*

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  6. Hey there! I have been reading your blog from long enough, and this is my first comment :) may be because I connect with the post. I am 19, and yet I have the same confusions like you do. Similar family background, and add to it, doing something which I don't want to do. And my passion is too big to pursue now! Sad :D Its scary to leave what I am doing to start something which might not work out. *Shudders* Anyway, I hope you do what you want to :) Life is beautiful, after all :)
    Good luck! :)
    *Apologies about the loooong comment!*

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    1. Thanks love. Actually love a long comment. and hey, if u really want to do something u love and u truly know you love it, pursue it!

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  7. You got the right question at the right time. Life is good to be planned. But after all, it can surprise you at any moment. So be ready for the unplanned life as well :)

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    1. hahaha yes!!! I am already living it!

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  8. you know what? this post actually creeped me out. im in the middle of my own sabbatical. completed pg successfully, worked at IIM, and now im just enjoying myself doing NOTHING at home. i tell myself im realigning my life, trying to figure out things, but i dont see any of that happening.

    for now, just take a break from plans, i say! u and i together in this sister!

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    1. yay!!! It feels good to know your drama is shared by someone else too!! Kudos!! :P

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  9. Hey Red! how are you ? A post after long time.

    Many times in life we end up being at crossroads, don't just rush and do something which comes your way. Take time, do the thing which makes you content rather happy. :)

    Good Luck Dearie..

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    1. Hmm...if only everything was so simple. It actually is but your circumstances make them look so unattainable!

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  10. You seriously think if you go by a plan [ Job check, marriage check and so on] life will follow as expected? No it definitely won't rather need not.

    "Life is random" period

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    1. OK!! haha I shall go by your thoughts :)

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  11. Hmmm.. "Spit it out!" thats a nice suggestion. Wellll now who does ur mother remind me so much offff...Hmmm Me ? and My daughter whom I have put to synth classes?
    Na...she will know someday I did the right thing for her..;)
    But yeah your position in life today at the crossroads of planning or living unplanned; definitely reminded me of a post I wrote.
    Maybe it would help u decide http://jerlyt.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/drifters-direction.html

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    1. awww arent u cute :) Yes ur daughter wud understand :)

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  12. This is the difference in the society our parents lived in and in which we are living in. On the name of duties they were asked to give up their dreams and hobbies but time has changed now and will change again.

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  13. All the best to you.

    I have been trying to find out what i like to do for 4 years. still i cant seem to find something which i like for more than 6 months.

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    1. we are together on the mission buddy!!

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  14. Gawd..I felt like you are narrating my dilemma of how-to-live-life .. PERFECTLY portrayed.

    Ever thought of becoming a wanderer following the stars?

    Of course..my planned way of living life will take a BIG set back if I were to follow that.. :)

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    1. hahahah we are too realistic..arent we?

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  15. From the comments above I can say that WE ARE NOT ALONE.. Believe it or not we just don't live the way we want to. Right from the start everything is about planning and then there comes a time when we are torn between passion and plan. Plan seems comfortable and passion seems like a jilted lover. What we really need is to stop listening to the world ( Too late at this age :P) and start living! As for taking a break, I really don't know why the whole "OMG shes on a break after all this! Must have failed" thing happens. I mean can't we afford to take a year off from our own life? Why is the neighbor's wife's aunt concerned about it!
    Well after such a sermon all I want to add is "Don't become the girl who makes her children want to live her dream."

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  16. Is dis you writing or you came into my mind and wrote my story???
    I'm 23.. My father works in a bank and is exactly what you explained.. My mom loves music and wanted to learn it, but didn't.. You are a lawyer, I'm a CA.. The only difference being you rejected some jobs offers from corporates, I did them for small firms which were not upto my satisfaction.. I'm still looking for my 'dream' job so that I can fulfill my share of dreams independently according to my whims and wishes. And those dreams includes fulfilling my hobbies of learning music.. Yes, even I love music, love it to the core. Alas even though my mom loved it, she never forced me join one when I was a kid ;)...

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  17. Welcome back, Red. Being someone who was at the same cross roads a decade back, i can understand your predicament. I still regret the Civil Service classes i shunned and the science group which i couldn't take up due to 'planned' family decision. Following one's own heart is chasing a dream. It is great if you achieve it. But the odds are high, eventually one day you will understand it is kids school check, kids college check, kids wedding check on the way, you wish it or not. So, think well before you take the plunge. Good luck!

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  18. Hey! Well written post. Your post mirrors the thoughts running across almost half the young junta's minds. I've been trying to figure out the answers to the same questions as you for the past few years. Anyway, good luck to you :)

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  19. hmmmmmm.... ek thaandi saas... I might have told you this but you do remind me of me when I was of your age....that doesnt mean I m old.... just at border!!

    Things do appear as jigsaw puzzle.... but then there is aperfect plan for all of us...and every thing keeps falling in place....

    just chillax :)

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  20. n a happy, happy New Year to u, Red.. hope this year brings u happiness, prosperity n tht third other thing they usually say in the same breath along with happiness n prosperity... but seriously, prayers n wishes for a brilliant '13 to u n urs :)

    n my advice to ur above predicament - take the red pill n live! :)

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  21. Precisely my dilemma and confusion , brilliantly penned. I find myself at such crossroads too, I guess, many of us do. And I feel stuck because I won't take a step ahead without knowing what would lie at the end of it. Talk about being stagnant.

    Great post. :)

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  22. I know the exact feeling. I chose the most conventional path : Engineering. I keep wondering why i did. I would have been better off elsewhere. Journalism maybe.
    My parents want me to take up yet another conventional route, MBA right after. I don't know if i want it that way.
    The unplanned route is so much more enchanting and inviting. :l


    Anyway, I hope you can find time to visit my blog( I hope you recognize me :P)
    http://theseasonedwoman.blogspot.in/

    It feels great to be blogging and reading all them posts I missed out on! :)

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  23. The music teacher episode played out in my house too for 4 years. My mother's reason too being the same. Alas, today I wish I had learnt music then.

    If you are confused, then remember. Happiness depends on doing what you like. Rest (money, mansions, riches) depend on what you are told to do.

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  24. Great comeback. I have been through a similar stage like yours in childhood. In my case it was the Tabla and not the harmonium.

    I think u'll end up being different from your parents. Just a guess from your writing style.

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  25. I could imagine a lady behind the jars. And now I want to some some pickle :)
    Once a cycle starts, it goes on and on. Up to us, whether to be a part of it, or to start something new. Right? :) You will find your way soon, I'm sure about that. Your post reminded me of my elder sister, who is also clueless and is trying to figure what she wants to do!

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  26. @ never commented on you blog till date but just felt like it today. I don't know if you know about the lesser of two evils or the grass is greener syndrome. DON'T do something because you are expected to do so... follow what your heart tells you, you will live to not regret it. Planned lives seem so meticulously and perfect from the outside, but it can live a hollow inside, a voice that will always whisper" Why didn't you try?" ... voice of experience, guru, voice of experience ;)

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  27. I am also at the same stage and yes I have taken a off because I wanted to figure it out, what I actually want to be and how I want to achieve it. But life never goes on as we plan it.

    I understand your situation and how it feels like. BTW, nice post! :)

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Spit It Out I Say !!!