Tuesday, 26 February 2013

THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY



 I think the Universe is hinting me the reason as to why my life is so screwed up. Since I don’t go with the whole Bad Karma from the previous birth lashing it down on me in this one, there has to be another theory regarding my catastrophic existence. So today I was comfortably placed on the couch and eating pasta out of a bowl artistically placed on my belly while switching channels on the TiVo. HBO, the messenger of God for me now was airing the movie ‘The Gods Must Be Crazy’ and I decided to settle for it. The movie was nearing its end and it appeared to be about two little African kids with protruding tummies wearing ancient thongs. The eyes where fixed on the screen while the mind was suddenly infected by an elusive idea as to why my life is not proceeding as planned. 

My mother was the one who taught me to pray and that too to do it real hard. I was taught this one particular prayer even before the words in that prayer made sense to me. The prayer was directed to a South Indian Hindu God my family piously follows and the subject of the prayer was to show me the right path, to bestow upon the world happiness, peace to prevail among the people around me and also a nightmare free sleep to me. The prayer started and ended with the name of that particular God. Let us for the purpose of this story call the referred God as ‘X’. Now this prayer stuck to me like a dry cough that never goes away. Be it the temple of any of the million Hindu Gods or even the Church, I always repeated the same anti-nightmare prayer directed to God ‘X’ before all of them. This might be the reason why the God’s are so pissed off with me. 

Now consider this, your name is say Obama and you hold the top rank in your country. You receive a mail from a plebeian referring you as Manmohan Singh, who also holds a top mute rank in his country. At the first instance you will forward the mail to Mr Manmohan Singh, ignoring the misjoinder of your name in the mail. But when the mails keep pouring in and all of them are terming you as Mr Manmohan Singh, you feel that it is on purpose and you get really angry. You stop forwarding the mails to Mr M and eventually you block the emailing bimbo. God’s must have ego clashes too!!

Thus, none of my prayers ever reached God X, for the place I live at lacks a temple of that God ‘X’, the South Indian Mallu God. I am the emailing bimbo for the rest of the gazillion Gods. Hence the baseless life, the thoughtless action, the stagnant existence, the spiceless reality and the nightmare ruled sleep.

Don’t call me nuts for when you are stuck on a boat with the sails missing and you can see that it is rapidly moving towards a life threatening waterfall, you too will come up with ideas however absurd as to why are you in that horrendous situation at the first place. I did the same.

P.S- In other news, I am an awesome cook!!Also I am a narcissist.
P.P.S- I hate dentists! Must visit one today. Fuck you cavity!!!

         
 

54 comments:

  1. You will come out of this God forsaken situation soon I promise :) God listens to me quite often ..will pray for you :)

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    1. Ah!!! I am safe now!! I count on you love!!!
      Thanks for reading :D

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  2. As a software engineer, I have a simple solution for this problem. When I send a mail to someone whom it matters, I also add some dozen others in Cc. So that they do not feel bad that they were not notified of what's happening. If interested(read 'if jobless'), they read it or else they just ignore it.

    So, from now on when you pray, add the name of the God you are praying to along with the 'South Indian Mallu God'.

    Like..

    Dear God X and God Y,

    I hope You are doing good. I'm from the ABCD family following you from 1234 years. Although I'm doing good here, there are few things which need your immediate attention. I do not have the clearance level to solve the problem by myself. I hope You will get back to me and help me in resolving the situation. Thanking You in advance.

    Thanks & Regards,
    Yours Truly.

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    1. You and your genious comment!!! I am dying here laughing!!
      and yes..from now on I am going to send CC and Bcc and wht not!!!
      LOL

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  3. This too shall pass.

    Enjoyed reading this post! I hope whatever it is that is causing you pain shall pass soon and your life gets back on track.

    P.S.
    Could you please pass on your email id to me. Send it as a comment in case you don't want to publish it here. I promise not to publish that comment.

    P.P.S
    There is something I want to share with you, which might not be an instant solution, but sure could cheer you up.

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    1. awww ur comment was so cheerful :) and u can mail me at red.handed89@gmail.com :)

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  4. Hey there!

    I will tell you my story to make you feel mildly better about your God-Situation.

    My mother taught me to pray hard to a certain God X. And she also taught me the slokhas for all the other famous South Indian Gods.

    I lived just a hour away from God X's main temple for the last 6 years. I visited it regularly and prayed with so much dedication that if I had studied my textbooks with that dedication I would have topped my university.

    In the meanwhile I also said the respective slokhas for the respective Gods in their respective temples.

    I even knelt down in a Church and said 'My Father in Heaven'.

    My life is still as you call it... 'baseless life, the thoughtless action, the stagnant existence, the spiceless reality and the nightmare ruled sleep.'

    Hence, proved. You are not to be blamed.

    My life is what it is because of my own filthy decisions. And I cannot even blame my parents for the kind of life I have at present. :-P

    All the pain in life follows the 'Stages of Grief'. You are in one of them. So that is a definite progress.

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    1. It seems u n me are on he same boat. well I just hope our humour helps us out of this shit :D. How r u my doctor!!

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  5. More than the God thing the dentist thing is scaring me now :) :( coz I too have to go soon due to the wisdom tooth EFFING pain :-/
    Anywy what u r feeling right now is what all of us feel at one or the other point of time.
    Some times I feel am I bribing god for a result and some times If am not in touch with God I feel did he get angry on me :-|
    But I believe GODS r not saddists like humans so cheer up and U and only U can make things better.

    This may not bring a drastic change in ur situations but wanted to tell that I ALWAYS READ UR blogs. May not have commented much but love whatever U Write. This should have atleast brought a cm smile on ur lips :D
    IF no well :( :( --- ths is my sad face :-/

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    1. I am going to believe ur statement that Gods are not sadists..and yesh u made me smile :)

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  6. Hey Red Hang in there ...everything will fall into place soon. You know how jigsaw puzzles are so messed up initially and when it falls into place it makes an excellent picture. Thats how it is whatever we say. Jigsaw puzzles are a hard phase and its very natural to blame God for it. I did it too.

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    1. Heheh thanks...I am going to continue blaming till I get everything figured out :D

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  7. nuts ...!!! akele akele pasta khaya tune?? :(

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    1. Nothing is better than unshared junk food!!!

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  8. Hahhaaha...Obama - Manmohan ka example to baapre!!! xD

    Going by your story, I think most of the Indians are emailing bimbos for so many different types of God. It's more like a hit and try method. Hazaar jagah koshish karo, kahi to number lagega! :P

    P.S: Please mind the concentration of the man holding that piece of rock. :P
    P.P.S: I hate dentists too.
    ek aur P.S: Remove word verification. I'm no robot. ^-^

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    1. I will remove the verification now!!1 its just i get bot comments a lot!!!!! Thanks for reading babe :)

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  9. Maybe there's a complete telecommunication breakdown in the heavens and no one's realized it yet - so chill, relax and eat your pasta :P.

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    1. NOW THATS ONE HELLUVA POSSIBILITY!

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  10. LOL! Did you cook the pasta who were eating? If yes, invite me over, I love doing what you mentioned in the first para. The US-India analogy is amazing.

    BTW, like Afshan even I'm scared of dentist more.

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    1. HAHAHAH I shall remember inviting u next time!!!!

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  11. Hahahahahhaa... RED...its always fun to read ur posts... :D
    and the GOD problems...well..u'd rather not expect a solution frm me.
    and frm the plethora of solutions u hav got, I dnt think u still need GOD to cheer up ur mood !
    btw, the Obama-Manmohan example was hilarious !
    and I hope ur dentist does better job than the one u showed us in the pic !
    PS - I love ur PS comments ! :P
    PPS - I'm no Bot..remove the verification ! :/

    Cheers !

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    1. Many Bots comment on my posts :( but ok will remove the verification shit. Btw I love u for reading my posts :)

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  12. before i say anything yellllssse..
    *hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss*
    now..feeling better ..??!! :)
    you will rock this phase like a pro molay \m/
    all the gods were probably watching oscars yesterday..they will revert soon..(damn the corporate in me..doesnt leave only..pfffft)
    ooo..the dentist part is deadly only..i simply keep postponing my visit.
    i better do..else i only wont be able to eat my own wedding sweets :D:D:D
    stay happy , stay smiling, stay freeeee (okay the last one was not needed :P )

    CHEEERSSS !!!

    PS-damn captcha ! :/ :P

    PPS=dayummmmmm captchaaaaa :/ (twice me had to enter :P:P:P )

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    1. hahahaha I hate captcha too..i shall remove it pakka!!! and yes I shall believe ur God busy watching oscar statement especially after Anna hathaway was busy showing off her perky tits :P

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  13. LOL. That picture is hilarious! I Like the nurse in the background who thinks it's business as usual.

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  14. hehehe........ oh yes! this is the story of my life! "South Indian Mallu God is currently not out of coverage range. Please try later." hehehehe!!!

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  15. Hilarious! And I go with Kanthu's reply above. Just add whichever god's temple you go to, in CC. Then, the gods cannot be angry on you :P
    Your god X has to sometime or the other take up the initiative and read his inbox flooded with your numerous mails..

    And yeah, hang in there! *Hugs* Dentist thing, you better get it done with before it gets worse. Pull the band-aid off(Though this a lot worse.

    Until later,
    Keirthana :)

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    1. Yes from now on cc and bcc everything will b done!!! And yes dentist was such an asshole :(

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  16. Awww....these Gods I tell you! :D Your pasta eating description along with Gods being crazy, had me rolling on the floor :D Missed reading you. You'll, through this very attitude, turn out to be fine :D Blessed Be!! <3

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    1. Hheheeh I am pathetically funny no? :P and yes this attitude is my only support!!

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  17. Hahaha. A similar 'revelation' turned me into an atheist. A another e-mailing bimbo, I felt a if all my mails were ent to an address which does not exist anymore in any database. Maybe, it never existed. But that is a different matter.

    And what a brilliant use of references to express an ego-clash of gods. :)

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    1. Now thanku for reading! I just wish thr was some court whr Gods could be sued!

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  18. Well... life is life.. gods are gods. Not much to comment as i am almost sailing in the same boat as yours right now :(
    The last pic hurts :/

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    1. So we both know how it sucks :D.. Thanku for reading!!!!!

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  19. Wait! That's why all my prayers have gone to the SPAM folder on God's email. I thought it was because of the Email-Subject, which .... well, you don't want to know! :P

    But this was a nice post, hilarious indeed.
    And get this : God keeps the best for the last and of course the best people (count yourself in). So, he must be planning a big surprise for you, may be sooner than later. :D

    P.S. In other news, I am a terrible cook. :P

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    1. Hhahaha may u marry a good cook!! or may u learn how to cook :D
      Thanku for reading sirjeeeee!!!! and temme wht u wanted to say :P

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  20. I hate dentists too. Last time I saw one was for wisdom tooth extraction it took me five days to get done with the swelling. :(
    Cavity filling is not as painful I've heard. I have another appointment for four cavities now :d

    All the best!


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  21. I must be going crazy too, because that totally made sense! :D

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  22. The disadvantage of being a theist through and through is that you invariably end up shaking your head at your inability to relate to the other extreme, never mind how pertinent the reasoning be.

    I will bring none of that here, though. Hopefully, your mail goes through to the 'right' God, if the providence wishes so! ^^

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    1. awww...now thats enough :D Thanku for reading girl :)

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  23. God's must definitely be crazy. I like to see the humor is such situations as you have done :-)

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  24. liked the 2 PS more :)
    cavity must be God's craziness as well...

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  25. Oh well,sometimes I think God is just a fat plumpy 5 year old kid, who os eating icecream with one hand and pointing the suns rays through a magnifier glass on an ant-like me, just for the kicks....
    similarly I sometimes think, because God has to answer a thousand prayers everyday, he sometimes just gets bored and puts everyone on mute, just for the kicks. :P
    Kya Post! :) It makes me feel like m not the only one.

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  26. I don't know how you will take my view on this post. But yes, I've been in your shoes once. Well, I didn't blog about it, if not you'll be able to read my experience too.. but I did question myself similarly to what you queried.

    I never found any answer. Neither did my condition ease. It was still bad. But then, I begin reading about karma. From religious books to every other source I could discover. Realization crept in gradually. I said, maybe it's my karma lashing out it's rage on me. Okay let it be, I'll accept whatever has happened and move on. Thus, I got over my misery and stop whining.


    I don't know if it was a miracle. But life got better, somehow. I emphasized in honesty when I wish for something and truth in carrying out my daily routine. I started doing a lot of charity. I found happiness in giving, and soon, as if God heard my prayers, and he granted my wishes little by little. Some took a while to take place, some, instantly!

    I realised, that God may not give you an instant supply of green light, but he comes at the right time to give you what you want. If you've not got what you want, just accept that it's not meant for you. Because you've put your faith in him, he actually helps you out from the negative things, that we've wished for (unknowingly). That's how I looked at things, and I feel better.

    Thought of sharing it with you. Sometimes, it's just about accepting, things will come along in its way!

    Don't worry much. Your problems will subside very soon. He'll sure grant you with what you want, but maybe he's taking a little time in processing the application! Take care babe :)

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  27. God is an interesting topic to write on. The more you write, the more confusion you will create in your own mind!

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Spit It Out I Say !!!