Saturday, 22 June 2013

THE EYEBROWLESS EXISTENCE




I want to tell you guys something. I do not like people with good eyebrows. It hurts me and pinches me in the gut when I see perfectly shaped, bushy yet trimmed to perfection eyebrows resting like an open umbrella above the eye sockets of other people, with no inclination to a specific gender. While God gave me ample frizzy hair on my head and unwanted hair everywhere else resulting in monthly painful waxing sessions, he cleverly forgot to give me a decent pair of eyebrows. Or should I blame it on my mother? Actually I will. I will never forgive my mother.
  
I have eyebrows like Spock’s. If you don’t know who Spock is, prepare to die you Infidel!! Like I said, the blame rests on my mother for she, being a huge Star Trek fan, spent most of her pregnancy time watching back to back series of Star Trek and imagining herself as Mister Spock himself. Little did she know that her minor imaginative escapades would result in her baby being born with eyebrows that look like missiles resting in their launchers, waiting to be fired. I will never forgive her for this.

Throughout my school life my mother used to cleverly draw my eyebrows to perfection using Kohl Pencil, so that I wasn’t bullied by the kids in school for being a freak who looked surprised all the time.  During the rainy days, I always came back home with melting eyebrows and a smudged black face. Then came College and the concept of threading the eyebrows. A few strands removed here, a few strands removed there and a bit of makeup and voila, I looked normal again. But I will never forgive my mother.

 
YAKKU THE CULPRIT!!
My mother used to also love Yakku from the Hindi serial called Chandrakanta. Hell! Don’t ask me who Yakku was. I will kill you again you infidel!! She liked him so much that she decided to remove the ‘Y’ and name her Spock eyebrowed baby as ‘AKKU’. Mind you, Yakku was also famous for his thick bushy eyebrows. I guess my mother had a thing for weird eyebrows and I suffered the consequences. AKKU THE SPOCK CHILD! I will never forgive my mother.


But my father tells me to count my blessings and he is absolutely right. Thank God, my mother did not imagine herself to be Chewbacca from Star Wars. Don’t ask me who Chewbacca is, I will kill you yet one more time you infidel!!!  So now that I am not a hairy dog, I think I will forgive my mother. 
COZ AKKU IS LUCKY YO!!
 P.S- Akku has joined twitter. You can get your regular dose of her craziness HERE. She is getting bored talking to the wall.





89 comments:

  1. " that I wasn’t bullied by the kids in school for being a freak who looked surprised all the time"

    Haha ha ha!!! ROFL!


    Yakku! Of course he is awesome! He was my fav in Chandrakantha too! :) Don't ask me why I watched it! I was akid with no power what so ever over the remote control. :d

    Akku is such a adorable nickname!

    Have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U feel that AKKU is a cute pet name? Ok.. :(
      Thanks for reading.

      Delete
  2. haha... lol.... actually ur father is right ... u shud be happy :)

    and no doubt akuu is really good nick name :)

    but yakku I rememebr for his hairstyle rather than eyebrows :D :D ... how is your hair doing? ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahahaha hair is good..frizzy but goood. M lucky yo! :D

      Delete
  3. Hahahahaha!!
    It seems like a story from kids' story book which could be titled as 'Akku and her Eyebrow Adventures'. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha good one! Thanks for reading :)

      Delete
  4. Interesting, my mum used to watch star trek too :-?

    She even recognized Leonard Nimoy from the 2009 film :-s

    I was really shocked O_O

    No, I don't have Spock like eyebrows :P

    Stay Blessed ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  5. "While God gave me ample frizzy hair on my head and unwanted hair everywhere else resulting in monthly painful waxing sessions, he cleverly forgot to give me a decent pair of eyebrows."
    Are you talking about me here!! I have had the worst eyebrows ever in school :( It was growing in such a haphazard fashion that I once tried shaving them off :P I still remember the confused look the beautician gave me when I first went to shape them. "Kaha se shuru karu" kind of expression :(
    Although eyebrow looks decent, it is never going to be in a good shape. Heck! one is shorter than the other :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even I have got tht KAHAN SE SHURU KAROON dialogue :(

      Delete
  6. Spock like eyebrows, really? Hmm.. I escaped that one. Anyway, your dad is right, count the blessings, Red darling :P

    Funny post :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. bwhahahhaa.... oh Red ! xD
    and Maithili...that was epic! xD
    okkay... everyone has thr dose of weird eyebrows i gues...
    during school days I had an absolutely perfect pair of arched natural eyebrows...but now they seem to hav started disappearing!! and No, I dont thread my brows...but they just seem to hav started disappearing entirely from the face of my... well..face ! :P
    I gues, by the time I touch 30...i'll hav to draw my brows just like my granny does now! :/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Man!! even my mom draws eyebrows.....lets pray we dont have to :(

      Delete
  8. "Missiles resting on their launchers???" LOL you are funny! Lovely post..thankfully I got the perfect pair of eyebrows! You jealous of me too?? :p

    I have seen a picture of your eyes..they are beautiful..and your dad is right..count the blessings dear..
    Have a great day :)

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  9. May be my mom liked Monalisa when she was pregnant. For a long time , my eyebrows were virtually non existent. Only repeated threading has now made it grow kind of normal..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mine are still weird... esp the right one!!! Gives away my spoke roots.

      Delete
  10. HHAHA... How do you come up with such weird and funny posts! Nice I like it. Added you too...!

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  11. So much fun to read this! And why was I thinking if Sheldon Cooper from The big bang theory all the time while reading this post? Strange na! And do eyebrows ever grow back once you shave them? But how does it really matters? Eyebrows are the last thing you'll remember about a person's face! (not sure if that rule applies to Mr. Spock)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well when u have weird eyebrows......its the only thing u get noticed for. :P

      Delete
  12. Now I really want to see your eyebrows :\

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahahahahah.....I shall post one then!

      Delete
  13. Hahahah I swear i missed you terribly on twitter and now when I'm gone you're back there.Oh no!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I followed u babe...now waiting for u to come back!

      Delete
  14. Ha ha, You missed it by a whisker, So you have to count your blessings. Loved the last pic :-)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hilarious. Lol.
    Guess your fathers right.
    Take a step back and thank your mother for not imagining worse!

    ReplyDelete
  16. haha.. Loved the post.. It seems like a biography of me.. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  17. LOL ! I still have eyebrow problem, and every month while I get them shaped, I cry and wither in pain as if I am delivering a baby. The skin is super sensitive and eyebrows, deep rooted.I guess they are trying to tweeze them out of my brain or something.

    LOvve this post ! Brought many laughs !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. men shud also thread their upper lip :(

      Delete
    2. Oh they have everything painless. Morons.

      Delete
  18. I think I'm yet to come to terms with my eyebrows, luckily now I'm not the only one.

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  19. hahahah ROFL :D In my case my eyebrows are hardly visible it's as if they have been shaved off as soon as I was born :D now this has inspired me to write a post of my own :D

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  20. Hahah good one!! I smiled through the 'I will kill you' and 'I will never forget my mother'!!
    Luckily, I have no hair story to share #feelingblessed :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Lol!!! "Look surprised all the time"...I wish I too had something called eyebrow. Don't know what my mom watched back then. Probably nothing..as my eyebrows are totally missing :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahah damn....now my heart goes for u

      Delete
  22. I have had trouble with my eyebrows too. But nothing compares to the melting and the smudging that you went through. And yet, you have been brave enough to undergo threading. I tried, genuinely. My voice (i.e. my screams) as well as my skin (which swelled up like ill-placed implants of sorts) retaliated to the torture. So now, I put on a brave face and try not to care about the 'hair-play' above my eyes. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hair play...gahahahahahahahahaha woman!!!!

      Delete
  23. You made me laugh a lot..I once shaved all of mu siblings eyebrows off and my own as well. Nowadays I don't bother about eyebrows but I do hate the other unwanted hairs

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  24. I will NEVER FORGIVE YOU for making me laugh so loud!

    P.S My daughter keeps blaming me for not getting my "less hairy" genes and I tell her to count her blessings. A familiar story, no?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My heart goes for you daughter :D...but yes count thy blessings it is!

      Delete
  25. Hair hair everywhere and not one bit sexy.
    Tell me about it.
    But hum honge kamyab ek din!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MAN MEIN HAI VISHWAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!

      Delete
  26. Eyebrows.. i still remember my mom applying castor oil for thick hair.. now i cry while threading...

    Nice funny post..

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hahaha, quite something this :)

    P.S: You look awesome today. Go thank your mom now. Go.. :D

    ReplyDelete
  28. Another reason to feel happy about being a guy, I guess. :D
    And Chewie would be so mad at this. :P
    And tell your mom that she is awesome.

    You on twitter.?? Hi-five. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Haha :) Hilarious read :) Following you on twitter now :) Bring on the Craaaazinesss girl :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hilarious post. And thanks for bringing back memories of Star Trek, Chandrakanta and Star Wars, been a while since I watched any of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Having fun out of my misery eh? hahaha Hi 5!

      Delete
  31. Lol that was a hilarious read :) I wonder why the shapes of our eyebrows even matter that much? :O *Sigh*

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  32. hahah Nice read! I hate getting my eyebrows done..it hurts ouch :P
    but I have to other wise I look like a scary gorilla!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. scary gorilla!!! noooo..m sure u r pretty even then :)

      Delete
  33. I have a friend who always looks surprised :D :P

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  34. They call u Akku? :)

    n I thought I was the only one destined with a bad mallu pet name n go about life shouting 'I will kill you, you infidel if u call me dat in public!!'

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Even I have such a major flaw in my eyebrows, if you perfectly trimmed you can spot the difference between two. Couldn't stop laughing on this line, 'missiles resting in their launchers, waiting to be fired...'

    :D

    ReplyDelete
  36. LOL! Interesting story on how you became "akku" and yes, thankfully "Chewbacca" is spared :P (pulling ur leg)
    A star wars fan, are you ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I definitely am!!! Thanks for dropping by love!

      Delete
  37. I sometimes have a unibrow, that, I won't abide. And it gets plucked/shaved the instant I notice any form of bushiness.

    The rest of my brows go untouched though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UNIBROW!!!! I have a few friends with tht!

      Delete
  38. excellent blog post, beautifully written,.

    ReplyDelete
  39. hey,spock and krur singh looks weird.
    i have thick, black eyebrows and very black hair on my head.most of my friends ask me whether i am applying black hair color.actually the reason is ,when i was kid,my mom used to visit my grandma village.in villages they burn dried coconuts and the burnt black coconut ash is mixed with castor oil to make paste.they apply this paste to eyebrows and soft spots on baby head(fontanel) and total head as home remedy.they do this repeatedly till you are 3yr old kid.i think this made my eyebrows and hair thick and very black.

    hmm why don't you try this remedy at home,though eye kajal is available in market.hmm you can't burn dry cocunuts in multi-storeyed apartments in cities.

    ReplyDelete
  40. reading u is really a break for all that stress , i tell u :P

    ReplyDelete
  41. I missed reading your post so much!

    Well, my eyebrows are really thick and my friends used to call me Yakku in school!!!! And I hated my eyebrows! I need to go threading every 2 weeks or you can't see me!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I missed reading your posts so much!

    Well, I've real thick eyebrows and my friends used to call me Yakku at school! And I totally hated them! I need to go threading every 2 weeks or you can't see me!!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. actually na this is my second comment... Every night before sleeping I read one blog each. I'm now in your 2012ur Ka blogs... and I loved them... and about unibrow.. my eyebrows were normal but then under peer pressure I thought of getting eyebrows done.. ya.. some ppl smoke or drink under peer pressure I do stupidity like this... and now I have to do it every freakin month..Waise could u try reading my blog?umm honestly it's way weird to ask some one to read..:-Pbut I would like to hear or rather read what you think!

    ReplyDelete
  44. 1)dude u. have perfectly shaped eyesbrows ......2) u r a girl and have sane knowledge. of stars wars. and star trek ....r u the coolest or wat ...If I could .. I'd offcialy ask u out right now

    PS: that is a semi proposal ...

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  45. :D that was funny... And I think that was Kroor Singh, and 'Yakku' was his equivalent of a Tarzan-yell.. :D

    Akku is a good name... that's my younger brother's pet name too :D

    -Vaisakh

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  46. Girl, you are the funniest ever !! Couldn't stop laughing..

    I want to see your eyebrows so that I can feel better about mine :P

    ReplyDelete
  47. This is an amazing post. You have got krur singh, Spock, CBC, and a whole lot of women cribbing about eyebrows ( and some men bashing too to go with it). You should read this out to your mom, she got one amazingly talented daughter. Obviously star treck KA asar hair :)

    ReplyDelete
  48. Hahahahahahahahah.... luvd it crazy....
    Twitter pe follow karna toh banta hai boss !!!

    ReplyDelete

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