Thursday, 26 September 2013

EXERCISE ROUTINE FOR THE SOUL


A recent study conducted by the students of the University of Bullford has shown that 84% of the entire population of the world is suffering from obesity of the soul. The research which was conducted under the able guidance of Dr. Hymen has been under the wraps for a few years as the statistic was so unbelievable that a double check was called for. The World Health Organisation is perturbed and is taking strong actions to control the increasing obesity of the soul.  

Finally on the 1st September 2013 the Act ‘The World Slim Soul Act, 2013’ was enforced by the United Nations under the seal of Mr. Tea Annan. Commencement being on the same date as the enactment, it was made compulsory for the Nations of the world coming under the UN Charter to act on it immediately.
   
These are the recommendations made by the ‘The World Slim Soul Act, 2013’ to achieve a fit soul-

ARTICLE 1-Cardio- Running is extremely harmful for the soul. Every living individual belonging to the Nations coming under the UN charter, is hereby bound to stop running away from life for a minimum of 1 hour daily, which would in turn burn the calories of the soul. Thus making it practical and more purposeful.

ARTICLE 2- Weight Training- To tone and shape the soul, every individual is bound to lift their thoughts daily. Lifting ones thoughts is an excellent way to tone up a narrow minded soul. Another substitute for shaping the soul is lifting the mood of someone. Lifting the mood of a friend has shown to have a positive impact on the soul of both the lifter and the friend.

ARTICLE 3- Cycling- A person is hereby required to quit spin biking towards the purpose of their life. Spin biking is synonymous to procrastination. Hence an individual is ordered to choose a more productive option like Cycling towards the goal of your life. Cycling being synonymous to hard work.

ARTICLE 4- Abs- Six pack soul abs are mandatory for every individual and any person without a six pack soul abs is liable to being penalised. Laughter is the perfect exercise for the abs and is proved to make a drastic change on the lower abs. Laughter is thus a pre requisite for a flat soul stomach.

ARTICLE 5- Start the day with a hot cup of Positivity- Immediately after the commencement of this act, every person shall begin his/her day with a freshly brewed cup of positivity. Positivity contains antioxidants which are scientifically proven to increase the metabolism and hence make the person feel lively all day long.

ARTICLE 6- Massage the soul with good talks- Every person is hereby prohibited from attaching themselves to people who have nothing good to talk about. The individual has the liberty to chalk out an hour or more daily to massage their soul with good talks thus combating the dryness and dullness of the soul.

ARTICLE 7- Anti- Judgment Pills- Judgements are the farts of the soul. Seeing the sharp increase in the number of farts being let out by a single soul, every individual is thus required to have an anti- judgment pill to combat this soul fart.

ARTICLE 8- Diet- It is recommended that every citizen goes on a balanced diet. Ego contains cholesterol and having too much of it is proven to clog the arteries of the heart. Fish is an excellent source of Iodine and Calcium but consuming a particular type of fish called the SELFISH is hereby prohibited. Selfish contains too much calories and makes the soul fat and socially unacceptable. Indulging in too much Bitching wings has shown to have an appalling impact on the SMI i.e the Soul Max Index. Also studies have shown that as much tasty greediness is, it’s nasty.

ARTICLE 9- Healthy Shakes- Indulgence in healthy shakes in recommended for the proper cleansing of the soul. A quick mix of Honesty, kindness and real smiles provides one with a healthy shake that is a natural cleanser of all the toxic the soul has been eating prior to this lifestyle change.

ARTICLE 10- Proper Sleep- Research has shown that acceptance could be a cure for insomnia. A person is thus advised to accept themselves for who they are and combat insecurity to achieve a sound sleep at the end of the day. Lack of proper sleep makes the soul lethargic and consequently makes it obese.

ARTICLE 11- Shit- The last recommendation under this Act is to poop. A person is required to poop out the miserable people, the fake pretences and the unwanted anger first thing in the morning. This makes the soul feel light and less constipated. Pooping regularly also provides the soul with a clear skin with lesser pimples medically termed as ‘REGRETS’.
                          
India being a member of the United Nations and having signed the charter is required to follow the recommendations and make it effective forthwith. Let us starting today strive towards giving our soul that much required Size Hero and who knows maybe the world would be a dream to live on and the society would be less of a crazy breed. 



P.S- WHAT IS UP YOU GUYS???!!! This Judicial Service preparation is killing me and hence no update for long!!! November 17th is the decision day!! DO PRAY. I might end up being the coolest judge ever! 
P.P.S- A certain mail I received yesterday is the reason why my procrastination ended and I wrote a post. Feels good to be missed you know!! Thanks girl!

30 comments:

  1. WOW !!. (for the post)
    WOW !!.. (You are going to be a judge ?)
    Awesome post.. :) :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for being the first to read!!

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  2. Oye someone is here :)
    Good luck for the decision day :D

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  3. Al the best for the D day!
    What state have you taken the test for, BTW?

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  4. This is a bful post !
    Praying for ur nov 17th . ALL THE BEST and last pic made me lol
    Btw read handed - this is my original blog not the other one ;) just wanted to say http://afshan-shaik.blogspot.in/

    Thanks ! good lck

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  5. Highly imaginative! And oodles of positive thought. Loved it!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you and welcome to the blog!!!

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  6. Like that article 1.... no running.

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  7. Soul aspiring to be size hero and such a wonderful spin on all the exercises! Superb imagination and thoughts. I loved the redone Titanic pic! Are you a lawyer? Wow! Wish you luck with your preparation.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you!! YES I AM A LAWYER BY DEFAULT!!

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  8. The best thing about blogging is that you get a lot of blessings from a lot of people. May god bless you with a great judicial career.

    I have a list of people I want to beat, some land I want to grab etc. etc... You get the idea :-)

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  9. If you were really referring to my doubt wala email... then toh you don't even worry... I will send you lots... if it churns out such heavenly posts... :-)

    You will be the coolest and the smartest judge everrr... :-)

    My result will also be out around the 19th Nov... though I am not hoping to blast it.. if I do... It will be a extremely happy coincidence... :-) :-) a girl can wish... right?

    Study well... :-)

    PS: If it was not my email which activated the right side of your brain... not to worry... I will still send you emails in the future... :P

    Vidhya

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    Replies
    1. hahaha I was talking about you only!! Thank Youuu so much for those mails!!

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    2. Noted... send Red more emails.. :P

      -Vidhya

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  10. Obesity of the Soul! What a lovely idea. Poop out miserable people makes so much sense.

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  11. See, I told myself the simple tweets and taunts on comments will not make these soul budge. Glad that someone's letter did. Next time I will try to do this new sensational thing they call 'an open letter'.

    But really, itna kaam kaun karega? Though I am all in for the sleeping part, yeah. Rest, you do, I'll watch :D

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    P.S. What? I don't pray loudly.

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    Replies
    1. Hhaahaha thank you for your silent prayers!!!! hahah and I dont think an open letter is needed nw..I will write more often!!!

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  12. LOL at the last picture... I love this post! I guess it's time to exercise :P

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  13. personally I am against the concept of a size zero... but this does sound like a good idea!

    also, JUDGE!!!! that is freaking cool!!!! no wait, thats freaking fawesome!!!!! GOOD LUCKKKK! XD

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    Replies
    1. Hhahah thanks!! I suddenly feel awesome about myself!

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  14. Seems like you are going to need lotsa Anti-JUDGEment pills. :P
    Jokes aside, this was such a nice post. And I for sure know you are going to be one hell of a cool Judge. All the best. :-)

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  15. Applause - that was a series of messages well sugar-coated in humor :)

    And, yes, I just started praying :)

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Spit It Out I Say !!!