Monday, 28 October 2013

A BLOUSY AFFAIR......




http://blog.blogadda.com/2013/11/09/spicy-saturday-picks-from-indian-blogs-november-9-2013

Studies have shown that 9 out of 10 women are certified blouse readers. Blouse reading is an ancient art of knowing the character and the psychology of a woman by carefully analyzing the pattern of the blouse she chooses to wear. It is an art exercised and promoted only by those belonging to the kingdom of muliebrity and done rightfully so because the trend of Indian men wearing a blouse or a saree  is not yet in practise.

Blouse readers can be found everywhere and are not constrained to a particular age group. Though known to be carrying out their profession individually, they can be found to be collectively practising their gift and expanding their domain at public get-togethers like weddings, kitty parties, ladies sangeet, anniversary bash, spinster party and even baby showers. The key difference between a blouse reader and a palm or face reader is the fact that in the former, the person whose character is being read out has no idea that she is being given a reading free of cost.  Hence, studies have shown that this art is practised for personal amusement and also used as a tool among the feline part of the human race to bond more effectively. 

Yesterday Mrs. Sunita attended Mrs. Kukreja’s 25th Anniversary bash wearing a blouse with hooks on the back, breaking the conventional norms of having hooks in the front. This act of displaying the hooks instead of conservatively covering it up with the Saree Pallu was noticed by the many veteran blouse readers including Mrs.Kukreja, who later that evening told her maid that she felt that Mrs.Sunita was being a cougar who wanted to entice the men in the party with her public display of the hooks. The maid being an incompetent blouse reader could only nod in the affirmative.

You have to be privileged to deserve a blouse reading since it is not for everyone. The conventional ‘U’ neck, medium sleeved blouse that you wore for Mrs.Chadda’s kitty party acted like the invisible robe that Harry Potter wore during his voyeuristic nights. You need to have some guts and you need to have some self confidence to deserve a free reading. Why do you think the veteran blouse reader at your home i.e your mother pointed a finger at Priyanka Chopra and said “What is she trying to be? The maths symbol for percentage (%)?” as the woman danced to the tune of ‘Desi Girl’ with the saree pallu dividing her chest into half, while her sleeveless blouse displayed her toned arms and her well endowed everything else.

It all started back in the age of sage Vishvamitra who sat for a severe penance, while Menaka a beautiful celestial nymph tried to break his Tapasya with her backless and sleeveless blouse. On watching her so do, the other Apsaras called her a ‘Loose Girl’ and moved their head from right to left with a disgruntled look on their face. It is they who became the Godmothers of Blouse reading and since then, the art has thrived on the bosoms of the confident ladies who took it as their job to promote this secret art by wearing airy blouses at every opportunity they got.

A puffed sleeve means that you are trying to camouflage your skinny hands that resemble chicken legs. A 3/4th sleeve means you have gigantic arms that you are trying to hide beneath all that cloth. A backless blouse makes the women weep for your parents, while a sleeveless armpit showing blouse points towards your bad upbringing.  A deep back neck with a thread knot in the middle questions your culture while a short blouse that ends an inch below your ample bosom screams about your ugly character. Your blouse style has nothing to do with fashion but everything to do with your moral code of conduct. Your blouse design has nothing to do with your confidence but everything to do with your shamelessness. Your deep neck has nothing to do with the fact that you can carry it off beautifully, but everything to do with your loose character. It is not just a blouse but your armour of righteousness. Your blouse defines your worth.

A woman is a woman’s arch nemesis. While all the men flock together sharing beer and getting fat, women too flock together but with their knives pointed towards the next one’s back. It is time we saw a woman outside the blouse she chooses to wear (pun intended).

Also it is time that I stop writing about such a blousy affair.

P.S- If you are wondering why I wrote about a blouse, even I am wondering the same. Let us wonder together.







97 comments:

  1. Ha ha ha!! I am yet to witness a blouse reading like this, but I'm going to be conscious whenever I wear a saree again :-)

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    1. Hhahah dont be conscious!!! I am sure you can carry it out beautifully!

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  2. Simply LOVED this post ! I want more... fabulous

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  3. I love the humor that's always sprinkled throughout your posts :)

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  4. I just love you :P and grr women are so irritating

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  5. Hilarious! I am going to send you my medical bill because I laughed so hard reading this piece that I have a catch in my tummy. Meanwhile, I am re-analyzing if I should wear my sleeveless, low-cut blouse this Diwali. (^_^)

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    1. Hhaah...well I am glad you had a hearty laugh!!! and do not re analyze..I am sure u will look gorgeous!

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  6. Hehehe, trust you to come up with innovative topics :)

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  7. Love the humour really excellent and fabulous. loved this beautiful post.

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  8. Hahaha.. Why are you writing about blouse :P.. Anyways it was a good read.. I had good laugh

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    1. Hheheh like I said..I have no clue!

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  9. A very enjoyable read reminding of the catchy number ',choli ke peechay kya hai'

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  10. Such a nice topic and a very funny post..
    From where do you get these funny pictures ?? :D :D

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    1. Hye thanku!!! Google...patience and some editing skills :P

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  11. Haha I love you for writing this...and so true about blouse readers ! I also read women from their blouses and if there are hooks at the back and the cut is low I count them as fashionable not loose ;-) Oh and I think sleeveless blouses are for skinny women with toned arms...otherwise it may not look that good ! Perceptions !

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    1. Hah yes perceptions indeed!!! And I too see them as fashionable..but there are some ;ladies who do not..

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  12. Hahaha I cant stop laughing :P How do you come up with such posts I m wondering now :P

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    1. Aww love!! when its like an epiphany :P

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  13. I had no idea about such a thing ever existing. :P Poor women, always being scrutinized. Such an amusing post. :-)

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  14. Hilarious - stop wondering and start writing another one even if you do not know why you are doing it :)

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    1. and there is the msg I was looking for!!!! Thanku for reading!

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  15. The humor was good. But try to keep away from the 'message' - doesn't suit your style :P

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    1. OUCH :( Actually u r right...I am no preacher!! :D Thankuuu for reading!!!

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  16. its amazing what u can do/write about topics which others would not even think of...and the result is always a very good post!!!
    keep it up...so that i can get to read many more such

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    1. Heh I try an thankfully you liked it.

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  18. The funniest blouse affair I have ever heard of...and the best was priyanka's desi girl style..what is she trying to be? The maths symbol for PERCENTAGE?? ha ha ha..I am going to remember it forever... :D

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    1. Hhahah yes my mother said that..can u believe it?? Before my father -_-

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  19. ROFL, thank God I don't wear saree/blouse :P

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  20. You are my favorite! I love the way you add humor in every post of yours! A very blousy read! :P

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  21. Yup I admit I am a blouse reader too, not that I knew it before reading this amazing post. One can always tell a woman's fashion sense by her blouse. And not just women, men are blouse readers too.
    Infact my hubby says when I saw you in a deep low back blouse in our ring ceremony, I was thankful, my fiancée is fashionable. ( mine was arranged marriage)

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    1. Now u are one lucky woman!! God bless uuuuuuuuu!! But blouse reading is so fun!! hahah

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  22. Such trouble, wear something, you're analysed, wear nothing, you're analysed still. Stop this flame :D

    I don't want to wonder though, not the right territory!

    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    1. hahha men too do blouse reading you knwww!!!

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  23. Hahaha! good one! I know of someone who wore a halter neck blouse to a wedding and trust me they still bitch about her.. :P
    I should try blouse reading sometime, would be a good stress reliever i think :P

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    1. Definitely!!!! That is your first step into womanhood :P

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  24. Oh, the blouse!! I would live to wear all kinds of skimpy blouses. But I wear saree only in weddings. And who wants to give women fodder for gossip. So I stick to 'sweetheart' cut with short sleeves ;)

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    1. I have a wedding coming up and I have decided to test my observation by wearing a boat neck full sleeve blouse :P

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  25. I think there is some truth in this (blouse reading) For that matter I keep reading people by the way they dress and how they are able to carry it off. The best and the easiest way is "the footwear" One can make a fairly good assessment of a person by the footwear that he/she wears. And if it is an open footwear then look at the feet. ...... well I think I am deviating from the main subject....... let me see .... maybe I can write a blog post on this.

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    1. Amen to tht!! FOOTWEAR Reading is a gender common art!!!!!! write that post now!!!!

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  26. And a blousy affair it is... :)

    nice to be here :)

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  27. Blousy affair indeed. But what a refreshing post to read. :)

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  28. I am going to forget everything I just read (except Maneka = nymph). Because from now on, I think everytime I'll see two women, I'll end up watching them watch each others' blouse.

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    1. hahahah welcome to the kingdom of muliebrity...we love you!!

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  29. I read this post from my cell when I was doing maths for some entertainment. To be brutally honest, its written in a really awesome way. The way you have pointed about those nagging judgemental aunties around is fab! :D

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    1. Maths and blog reading!! haha epic!!!! I love you blog !!

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  30. Hahaha.. "math symbol for percentage" =))

    What a humorous take on blouse ... loved it. I think I should try blouse reading now :P

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    1. I think the wedding season is round the corner...u will get many platforms to practice your skills :P

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  31. And don't forget the women who keep money in their blouse and forget which side the money is.
    I need to write a post in this.

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    1. hahahahahaha oh lorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdddddddddddddddddddd....too good you are!

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  32. dai..what is this..i come after days to blogger and open your blog and read all this. and now i have not been able to stop laughing for 10 whole minutes and my mother in law must wondering if she took the right decision of marrying her worthy son to me, who is nothing but a mental buffoon :D:D:D:D
    AWESOMENESS is this my molay..blahahahahahah..*breathe breathe* blahahahahhahahaha

    yes, i have been told this a gazillion times by a gazillion women about all that you have written. i wore a deep neck blouse once subtly showing my cleavage. the aunties around me had their eyes popping out at my blatant display of indecency. i had only one thing for them in my mind. "you don't have it in you losers" *pun intended*
    :D:D:D:D

    cheers darling and happpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyy diwaliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

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    1. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I MISS YOU MY BUBBLY MEOWWWW...AND HOW MUCH I MISS YOUR BLOG POST AND HOW MUCH I MISS YOUR LOVELY LONG GENEROUS COMMENTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!
      The caps lock was to emphasize!! and your MIL sure knws what a gem you are!!!!

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  33. Whichever the kind, blouse looks great on any woman. And to be frank, I'd prefer seeing those so called shameless designs on a woman.
    "It's high time we saw a woman outside the blouse she chooses to wear."
    That yet another thing we guys tell each other when we flock together sharing a beer and getting fat. :)

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  34. Wow. Today I have learnt about Blouse readers and the art of blouse reading, all thanks to you. Thank you for imparting wisdom :-).

    I was reading every description so intently that if you ask me to write an essay on Blouse readers', I'd happily oblige :-)

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  35. Omygod Red...... I so love u for the blousy stuff u write. So so so happy to see u again!!! Ummmmuaaaaah!!!

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  36. Hilarious indeed. I like the serious tone with which you have written like telling a joke with a straight face.

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  37. ROFL !

    I Wonder how my blouses r shaped. Shud go home and check those one or two. As always U nailed it with 100% humor and 100% message in it
    BLOUSY affair- watta title.........
    Now as per classification shud I wear 3/4 ths
    Boooohooo :'(

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    1. awwww.. btw i do fine 3/4th sleeves hot. look at vidya balan :)

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  38. I never knew that :-). This is kinda cool but I dont know how much I buy it.

    We find so many ways to describe other people's personalities, except looking at their personalities.

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  39. This post has been selected for the Spicy Saturday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging :)

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  40. Congrats on the Spicy Saturday Pick and I almost fell from laughing too much. Loved the way you compared Pri to % symbol in Desi Girl. :)

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  41. You've been awarded on my blog.See http://veiled-chapters.blogspot.in/2013/11/just-when-i-thought-im-writing-for.html :D

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  42. You, my lady, have become my favorite blogger. This is hilarious, puns were kick-awesome, the satire was much needed and the sarcasm was awesomesauce! You go, girl!

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    1. tahnk you babe. You make me want to write better!

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  43. Hilarious add usual. Tongue in everybody else's cheek :) I love the bongs. They are the most adventurous with their blouses :)

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  44. I was completely clueless with regards to all of this. Then again, I don't know anything about women's fashion, let alone blouses.

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  45. "A puffed sleeve means that you are trying to camouflage your skinny hands that resemble chicken legs" OMG.. all my blouses are puffed sleeved :O I swear, from next time, I am gonna take a print out of this post before going to the tailor's!!!

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    1. hahahahaha I am jealous. I want skinny arms :(

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  46. Blouse reading.....lol....at first I thought, I have never heard of it...how come?and started scratching my head :P
    no more comments on this topics...sshhhhh!!!

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  47. hahahhaa

    only if i die laughing here...let's wonder together,,,

    i am in love with you WRITER !!!

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  48. Delurking...this post is super super super fab....rofl !!!

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  49. Rofl.. Just how did you acquire these 'skills' ;) Amazing read :D

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Spit It Out I Say !!!