Monday, 7 October 2013

THIS IS A TENSE SITUATION !!!!



Dear children, today in our English class we shall learn about the difference forms of ‘TENSES’. Now tenses are what determines the ‘Noun’ that you are today, based on the ‘verbs’ you were indulged in throughout your life. So based on that analysis, I have broken down the Tenses into three categories- PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE. Now let us further break them down and try to understand each tense in the most suitable manner possible.
  
PAST SIMPLE TENSE-  Once upon a time, I made a boyfriend. That boyfriend was a complete loser. I dumped him. He threatened me. I showed him the finger. That is my Simple Past. He is now married. I am pretty tensed for his wife and kids. There you have the Past Simple Tense.

  
PAST CONTINUOUS TENSE-  During my college days, I made a lot of friends. A chosen few not worth a dime. But like they say, you got to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, so I keep them in my life and watch them smile at me with teeth that resemble a snake’s bare fangs. They are my past, still being continued and sometimes I get tensed because of their interference. Hence, Past continuous tense.

PAST PERFECT TENSE- There was a time when my brother resembled a midget. I was the Britisher in his Indian life and his independence was for me to decide. Interestingly, he was not much of a Gandhi and his non violence was utilized by me to the greatest extent possible. Now he is 16 and a towering 6 ft, while I am a midget 5’2. That past of ours was simply Perfect and this current situation is making me tensed. Now you know the Past Perfect Tense.

PAST PERFECT CONTINUOUS TENSE- When I was in Nursery, I made a friend. Then on my 29th day to school, I made another friend who had gorgeous almond eyes. This almond eyed kid became my best friend and the Nursery kid also joined our school. Almond eyed kid invited me and the Nursery kid on her 5th birthday and the nursery kid asked the almond eyed girl if she could bring her best friend too. So the almond eyed kid allowed the nursery kid to bring her ‘Dora-the-explorer’ look alike best friend to the kiddy party. We four have been together even since. They are my past perfect, still being continued. Thinking about us taking different paths in life, far from each other makes me tensed.

PRESENT SIMPLE TENSE- Currently I am preparing for the Judicial Service. Always believing in touching the society directly, I rejected the corporate life that was being shown to me like meat to a tigress. I wanted litigation but Daddy blackmailed his daughter into giving judicial service a chance. So, I have spent my past 1 year preparing for it, sincerely hoping that it was not wasted. The exam date is on 17th November. This is my simple present and I am pretty much tensed about it.

PRESENT  CONTINUOUS TENSE- There is a guy. Best friend, teacher and everything a person can desire for in a human form. I don’t talk much about him because there are certain emotions that you want to be enjoyed just by you. I am quite possessive like that. He is my present still continuing and sometimes he makes me pretty darn tensed.

PRESENT PERFECT TENSE- I am currently in a very peaceful stage of my life. After 5 years of Law school, I spent the last one year being home, taking care of my body, travelling in and around Europe, visiting the Andamans and off course focusing on the judicial service. I also got enrolled in the Bar and now have an ‘Adv.’ prefixed to my name. This present is perfect but the fact that darkness follows a sunny day, makes me quite tensed.

PRESENT PERFECT CONTINUOUS TENSE- I used to be fat. I have no qualms about it. Fat and not at all confident about myself. Last year I joined a gym and I have so far lost 16 kilos. From 80 to 64kilos. I am happy with the current me and do not want to reduce to a walking stick. This is my Present Perfect which is continuing and thinking about becoming fat again because of my binge eating makes me quite tensed.

SIMPLE FUTURE TENSE- Now if I do get through the judicial service, I would get posted to some tribal area where I might be the only person inside the court. Also if I do not get through judicial service, I might have to migrate to Chennai or Cochin and be a junior lawyer to some Fancy Dorky Senior Advocate. This future though quite simple and planned, makes me quite tensed.

FUTURE CONTINUOUS-  Marriage will be a part of my future and my parents like all the billion parents in India are on a lookout for the authentic super amazing husband for their daughter. I am not mature enough or eager enough to digest the whole concept of marriage, especially the system of an arranged one. I cannot even make a round Roti. This gets me tensed and this tension shall continue for a long period of time. This is Future Continuous tense!

FUTURE PERFECT TENSE- I believe in myself and that is a something that has to be instilled in someone as a child. I believe that even if I do not become a judge or even if I do not get cases to fight on easily, I know that life is going to get perfect in the next 5 years. My future shall be perfect, but the fear of making the wrong choices, makes me tensed. Hence, the future perfect tense.

FUTURE PERFECT CONTINUOUS-  I am a perfectionist and anything less than perfection is frowned at if not rejected. This perfectionist attitude shall continue throughout my future and thinking about a disorderly life has got me all tensed. FUTURE PERFECT CONTINUOUS indeed!

I hope the lesson has been learnt and the tenses have been digested. In case of any doubts, do not refer to WREN & MARTIN, because those guys seriously got everything wrong. Contact me directly for any further assistance.

Till then take care and write a blog post about your tenses.  

P.S- Did any one of you notice the blog facelift? Please say you did. I gave it a makeover after 2 years!! Tell her she looks pretty!

P.P.S- This is what the Fashion Industry has been missing!!




63 comments:

  1. Ah! Another blog post on English Grammar. Nice good lessons on Tense. Keep writing Red Handed.

    Someone is Special

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  2. Now it's what we call as past-present-future perfect post! :)

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  3. This is what I call an intelligent post. How very well elucidated!
    Wish you a Future Perfect minus the tense.

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  4. Haha loved this (as usual) :)

    And yes the makeover is lovely, I especially love the header.. 'tis sexy :P

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  5. What a lovely way to recount your life. Steve Jobs should ave hired you instead to write about his Past/Present participles and Future far from perfect!

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    1. Thank you. I always look forward to your comments!!

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  6. wow...this was a totally awesome take on tenses! Love the post!! And the blog looks lovely! :)

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  7. Wow..! How can you be creative about grammar !! Only you can write stuff like this. Love it !

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    1. heeheh, Thankss!! I just wanted to write about myself without being boring. ehehe!

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  8. Hehehe whattey tense post I say :D

    Lurveeee the blog header, the blog and the blog owner :*

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    1. And lady!! The blog owneer loves you more!

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  9. Lubbly job, Red. You may have just inspired me to write something similar in my blog which is badly in need of an 'anakkam'.

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    1. Anakkuuuuu Anakkuuuuu...I will read it for sure!!!

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  10. All the tenses were well learnt and understood. But since I also recently made some lifestyle changes the one that caught my attention was the 6 kgs weight loss part. :P Great going!

    Oh yes! The blog looks lovely. :)

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    1. 16 kilos....HUH Not 6 :P
      Every kilo counts ...sigh!!!!!! Thanks so much !!!

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  11. Such a lovely preTENSE to the Tenses. :P And 80 at 5' 2''.?? I just hope it was little exaggerated. ;-)
    And am I the only person to like the old layout better..??

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    1. It is not one bit exhagerrated!!! I was a michelin tyre logo!!!

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  12. This might be one of the most, if not THE most, creative posts that I've ever read on Blogger :)

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    1. Now that is very very generous of you :) Thank you!

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  13. Now I am tensed. How will I learn so many tenses with such tenses flying around and elevating the overall tension of the blogpost?

    Beautiful post, I've honestly put aside the Wren and Martin and am think of stealing your shoes. I'll see if they help me gain speed. 16Kilos? That is amazing!

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    1. Hhahah Thank you boss! Yes these shoes are amazing. and I dont think u need a weight loss!

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  14. Haha creative this is.. You should seriously put being a teacher on your radar :P

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    1. I might just murder some students :P Thank you Maith!!!

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  15. Whata post.. :) Loved it..
    Nice makeover of the blog.. :)
    where did you find that last photo..?? Its so awesome ;)

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    1. hahaha found it somewhere in google..No idea!!!! Thank you so much for reading my love!

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  16. OH, my eyes burn! (in response to what the fashion industry seems to be losing out on)

    And hah! Thanks for brushing up all my tenses. It was nice to get a glimpse of your general life through the lenses of your brilliant humour.

    YES, I did notice the makeover (did I not mention it before?) Good job! I keep changing the layout of my blog way too often because it is a potent distraction and an instant gratification when I feel like wasting tons of time on the internet. :P

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    1. hehehae!! How dare you not like the fashion statement!!! Gift wrapper and home foil!! :P
      Ya, I was dying to write a bit abt me!!

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  17. The new makeover looks nice but less RED..:(

    We got to know more about you after reading this post of tenses. You are an interesting person Miss Red

    I hope all goes well with the Judicial Service..I hope you can become a judge because the world certainly need someone with a good grammar.. :P

    ANyways good luck and best wishes from me
    Love ya

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    1. U are interesting too!! Especially the prompt posts are brilliant!!

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  18. This definition of tenses... less tensing than those wren n martins boyses one. Be a judge and work on something fun and goodish

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    1. I cant wait. May you have pastries and Nutella crepes in your mouth for saying so!!

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  19. I loved the blog make over and Lvoed all ur tenses
    Kind of relieved me from my tensions :P
    GOOD DAY girlie

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  20. Best of luck for your exams. Thank god the " you infidel" phrase is missing. You have loads of things going in your life (or maybe the right word is coming). I wish you do sit in judgement someday. You will be one erudite judge at that.

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    1. I wish that I become a judge too :D
      Thank you sooo much for reading!

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  21. That was a way lot to process!
    Wish you luck. :)

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  22. ROFL! One of the lessons on tenses I won't forget. BTW, looks cute. I like blogs with white background.

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    1. I do too!! Thats y changed!!! Thankyou for reading saru!

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  23. Awesome! Wonderful way to describe all the "tenses" Red! Am sure your students will never forget the examples :D

    Just noticed you changed the blog looks.. Looks great.. Am thinking maybe other bloggers might be "tensed" now that you are back :D

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    1. wow boss!!! U are very generous with compliments. I am not complaining! Hhahah
      Thanku sooooooooooooo much for reading!!

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  24. RED :D I thought you moved to wordpress. :S Anyway, Haha. Sahi. Tenses mere palle hi nahi padte the kabhi bachpan se. Thank you so much for clearing my concepts :P Nice post, as always. :)

    And about makeover of the blog, loved it :)

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    1. Concept clear na??!!!! :D chalo I was of some use atleast!!
      Wht made u think i moved to wordpress :O

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  25. Never knew you could learn tenses this way too :) This is a life lesson than a grammatical lesson :P

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    1. hHAHAHA U CUD SAY THT!! Thankuuuuu!

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  26. Wow! Now you have me tensed about whether I get my tenses right. Never knew the names or, indeed, the usage of all these tenses by knowledge and used them only by instinct :) And, by the way, your Present Perfect Continuous tense has made my present look imperfect :)

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    1. Well u can make ur present continuous tense a little better too.. :D U know the solution!!
      Thanku for reading :)

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  27. Goshhhh...what an extraordinary way to learn tenses. And that Govinda Juhi photo...hahahhaha...it should be censored.

    Wish you all the good luck for the exam, miss. Nail it and be my inspiration. Muaaaah!

    I love the new look. It's soooooo refreshing. =)

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    1. I pray i nail it and be my own inspiration :D
      Thank you so much darling!!!!

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  28. Where is the like button? I demand it!
    And best of luck for your exams!

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  29. Another hillarious post.
    Haha ..totally nailed it. Awesome post! ROFL.:D

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  30. hehe haha!! another awesome post from you! i loved the concept immensely and the creativity behind 'tenses'! loved it and can even relate to it :P

    :D

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  31. Wokay ..... I will be back after i have dusted myself from all the ROLLing i have had to do.... And gasp!!!! The picture!!!! (am making the sign of the cross to ward of the evil)

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  32. Awesome. If only I could take this to class. Psst. I just might, and refer all of those doubts and questions to you. Even though the board exams are just a couple of months away :D

    Came by following a suggestion by a fellow blogger :) This is seriously creative and hilarious! Thank you for the laugh!

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Spit It Out I Say !!!