Sunday, 23 February 2014

DEAR DADDY SERIOUS



Nobody is more serious than a young girl’s father. A little girl has the ability to transform a free-bird of a boy into an extremely serious and careful man. My father is as serious as serious can be. 

Recession never hits an Indian father who is busy hoarding money for his daughter’s future wedding. If I were to tell you a round about figure, I have so much gold right now decked up for my wedding that I can even afford a sex change surgery. Ok, bad example.

Around five minutes back I got a call from my father. A certain guy from Australia saw my matrimonial profile in one of the gazillion match-fixing sites I am enlisted in and was desperately interested. With equal desperation he wanted to have our Kundlis matched. Never knew that “May I have your number please” has been replaced by “May I have your Kundli please”. My father sadly told me how his family rejected me because of the Jupiter that is sitting on my eighth house and a certain Mr.Shani who was playing hide and seek inside my Horoscope. He cracked the news of the rejection expecting a painful cry from my side, while I was lost in the feat of trying to figure out how Jupiter can be in my eighth house when I still live with my parents. I cannot even afford to live on rent, forget being able to afford eight houses.

But it is not always I that gets rejected. My father loves rejecting and selecting men according to their educational qualification, salary range, ancestral origin, current living city, height, weight, girth etc. It is exactly like the time when he was researching to buy his second car. 1200 cc engine only, Honda brand, Moon silver colour, power steering, petrol only, air bag and many such specifications. The only difference was that now he was trying to buy a son-in-law with in-built specifications that matched his taste. The process of rejecting and getting rejected is a never ending process.

I do not understand this seriousness behind this whole ‘get your daughter married before she hits quarter century’ thing. Gone are those days when people of the two opposite genders could converse with each other only through incoherent tensed mewls. I for sure am a very demanding person and I make sure my demands are met. Every girl is worth that. Ok for the sake of equality, men are worth it too.

My father is the best person on earth and I am the type of girl who replies to every girl who say’s “My Daddy Strongest” by “Sorry but I heard he lost the trophy to my dad”. But I must accept that this whole marriage fiasco has been seriously draining the life out of him.

So Dear Dad, it is time you took a deep breath and let things take their own course.  You raised me well, taught me to never go for something lesser than perfect and to always put across my opinions if I strongly believed in them. So here is my opinion. CHILL. Know that these rejections do not matter. I can find my own pet. Know that this gold hoarding will not do me any good. If anything, take a trip with Mom to Peru. I know you always wanted to go there. Know that watching the calendar dates pass by and marking my age will only make you grey faster. I did notice that your monthly visit to the local barber to get your hair dyed has doubled.

Know that you can still be that free bird you were before I was born. Know all this, because behind that seriously serious man, is a boy who used to do stand up comedy back in college.





This post is written for Indiblogger Cadbury Five Star contest - Condition Serious Hai.




Like Cadbury 5 Star Facebook Page for your daily injection....!!




134 comments:

  1. And you're on a roll..heheh the shaadi scene is still on, is it?
    Shall I help? :P

    P.S> is there an email id where I can connect with you? :) (*not stalking*) :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hoi...send across a mail at red.handed89@gmail.com :)

      Delete
  2. OMGGGGG! Its such an awesome post. I really don't understand why do parents take so much stress in getting their daughters married. I mean these desi parents are so concerned that they end up taking their lives. So much gold hoarding and then making sure its extravagant so that relatives don't point you with a finger of scorn. Its just terrible and heartbreaking. Whenever me and my mom discuss this issue, I am like 'mum I don't want lots of gold. Just get me that special edition faber castell set and gold pens and diamond studded ones if you want to spend lots of money." And luckily, she is not that negative about it. But cultural formalities. WHYYYYYY ARE THESEEE FORMALITIES FROM? From some retarded mind I am sure and look we still follow these formalities. Sigh.

    PS: I wonder how are you going to treat your husband. :p

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Now atleast you have your mom in your side. But still like you said, parents worry too much!
      Well, let time and he decide how I treat him :P
      Thank you so much for reading my love!

      Delete
  3. All the best for the kundli scene and for keeping your sanity intact - even the mightiest crack under it :P.

    Good luck for the contest.



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  4. Our Daddy Dearest do get sleepless nights for daughters Shaadi. Very real, very serious, but fun :)
    All the best - both for Matrimony (when Daddy Dear will be both pleased & sad) & for the Contest :)

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    1. hahah thank you for reading! Loved your post!

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  5. btw , since am here ,
    can i have your kundli plz ,
    bizarre things are,
    thanks for a fun read!
    all the best !

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  6. LOL..I laughed when I read about jupiter in the house..=P
    Same scene when it comes to my Mom..she's freaking out because I'm not married yet :/

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    1. Sigh same story everywhere I guess :(

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  7. Dads..always worried and concerned for their little darlings. I remember how my dad was all stressed out when it was my "turn" to get married off before the quarter life!
    Btw "I have so much gold right now decked up for my wedding that I can even afford a sex change surgery" Girl, how do youuuu come up with these lines! :D
    As usual, loved your post :)

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    1. hahah I come with lame lines all the time. :(
      Thank you for reading!!

      Delete
  8. Loved reading it ! Hilariously written and so very true for all fathers ! Hope you find your pet soon ;)
    Best of luck for the contest !

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  9. This is serious and hilarious at the same time perfectly fitting the bill:) So easy to relate to all this as had gone through the rigmarole. Best of luck, Red in real and Cadbury life:)

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    1. I knew you could relate. And I am glad. Good luck to u too!

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  10. Whatever we say dads can never chill Red .. forget about horoscope match, my mother sheds so much money on doing shanthi to these grahas..

    Instead giving it to pujari, If she would have given that money to me i would have got my nose & Lip job :-P

    As usual a serious post with a comedy touch :)

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    Replies
    1. Ioooo how could I forget about the Poojas. I got a new stone ring for speedy marriage!

      Delete
  11. That was a GOOD one :) loved the part on the horoscope and the comparison of the groom hunt to the car purchase :P your description reminded me of that Jeevan sathi ad that is making the rounds, where the dad looks for a groom in every nook and corner with a pagdi in hand :P all the best for the contest! :)

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    1. hahahah...seriously it is like buying a car!!
      Thank you so much for reading!

      Delete
  12. Lovely post! While I laughed a lot, I did feel that what you wrote in the end was a 100% heart-felt. :)

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  13. 8 houses! :D true...who owns 8 houses to let Jupiter come and sit...one might as well rent it out! :D :D
    But dad's will have this concern. While I cry out an dmake a fuss of this marriage pressure I love how you deal with it! :) Plus you are not even 25, so it's cool... :)

    Hope your parents chill out, and you have fun meanwhile ! :D

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    1. You are in a worse condition that me. I did not meet any guy as of now.I hope I remain as strong as you are.

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  14. Love Ur daddy, he seems to be so cool :)

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  15. Jupiter sat in the eighth house :D LOL ! Awesome post RED...! I hope you win !

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    1. hehe and I hope you do! The chemistry post was soooooooper.

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  16. "May I have your Kundli please" somehow sounds dirty.

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  17. And did your mercury solidify, finally ? at room temperature ? And did Venus go to beauty parlour ? And what about Mars ? Did he finally turn to look at something different, for a change ? :D
    Well.... these horrorscopes scare the life out of some people, and give enough scope for laughter to some others :)

    This is a heartfelt post, so far as your dad is concerned :) I'm sure you want him to be relieved from the unwanted tension :)

    Mind your 8th house :) :) :) Or you better move to the ninth:)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. This was the bets comment ever!!! hahah you are so witty!!! Venus beauty parlour...LOOOOOOOOL

      Yes I do want my dad to breath without tension. I think he forgot the last time he was chilled out.

      Delete
  18. 😃
    They won't stop until you are married off. I could just replace my name with yours in the post.
    Lol on Jupiter in eighth house.

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  19. ugh! been there, done that? *hugs in sympathy*

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  20. hehe... ah yes. The ever brilliant matrimony woes of us Mallus. It's always about that, isnt it - Jupiter is here, Saturn is there, snake dosa ( sorry, sarpa dosham) is around the corner :D
    I've lost track of the temples my parents visited over the years to fix different issues related to horoscope... could have just spent 100 bucks and made a perfect 'fake happy horoscope' and lived in denial... thats what I'm gonna do for the next generation anyway.
    All the best for the contest!

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    Replies
    1. hahah snake dosa...hahahahaaha
      I wonder why you did not participate for this contest!

      Delete
  21. Oh Gosh! Really what is with parents and their obsession with somehow getting their daughters hitched? Luckily, my father was very chilled out :). Woah, two posts! Good luck :).

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    1. haha, my first ever indiblogger contest! Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  22. How about sending a "Mission to kick out Jupiter" to your 8th house. Just post the request on Indiblogger forum together with the address of the '8th House'. Your fans will together knock him out FOREVER...
    Condition is really Serious!!! :)
    Very well written.
    All the best for the contest...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hshahah if only I was famous on indiblogger. :D
      Thanku!!

      Delete
  23. Horoscope matching is another barrier in arranged marriages.Good youngsters would get rejected on planetary considerations and people would settle for the second best.This practice is still continuing in some families.The accuracy of horoscope and the ability of the astrologer play a large part in the real outcome if one has belief in such system. Luckily no one asks for kundli before falling in love!! I enjoyed reading your humorous post.

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    1. Thank you so much for reading. Means a lot to know the opinion of a man like u :)

      Delete
  24. Hehehe you may win two iPhones now :D

    No body can ever get as serious as a daddy looking to marry his baby daughter off! :)

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    Replies
    1. haha I be happy if they atleast send me some five stars:P

      Delete
  25. :D :D :D That was very well written.

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  26. *sigh* the situation for too many Indian daughters

    And as usual, hilariously written :)

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  27. "A little girl has the ability to transform a free-bird of a boy into an extremely serious and careful man. My father is as serious as serious can be" SUPERB!!!!!

    Though I haven't experienced the match making situation, I very well remember how sad my dad was when all my friends got married and I was still single and not at all ready to mingle! He had to attend my best friend's wedding and he was so so depressed that he even forgot to put on his shoes and came for the function wearing slippers. How serious that situation can be !
    Hope your parents take that Peru trip. They so deserve and need it!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Dads are so adorable right?! Best creation of God ever! Sorry Mom! :D
      Your dad seriously forgot his shoes? :)
      Thank you for reading babe. I keep waiting for ur blog post. need to know your status! :)

      Delete
  28. Tell me about it
    THis post touched me. I can so relate to it !
    We can't help our parents when they go through this neither can we help ourselves
    I had to just wait chanting "This too shall pass!"
    wish u the best in everything and wish u the best for the contest

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    Replies
    1. Hmm, thank you for reading babe.
      Yes This too shall pass. this has to!

      Delete
  29. LOL. All the very best for both the Kundli affair and the contest. Loved this. :)

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  30. Welcome to the Indi contest world madame!!!!!!!
    and all the best :P :)

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  31. I think this is a clear winner in the contest. Poor father.... I mean poor fathers, who go through this grind.

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  32. I think this is a clear winner when it comes to the contest.
    Poor father.... I mean poor fathers who go through this grind.

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  33. Well said RED!

    Where did you pick that Frankly Speaking Guy? r u fan of Arnab?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. thanks! No I just wanted him in this picture :D

      Delete
  34. I totally agree with you!! Arnab is CONDITION BAHOT SERIOUS HAI :P

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  35. Good one. And yes, chill is the word. Enjoyed it as always.

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  36. haha ..well ye toh hona hi hai. In my case..my mom's always on serious side whereas dad's pretty chilled out since he reads Kundali pretty well :)
    All the best to you!

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    1. hahahahahhaha....atleast I got u for company nw.

      Delete
  37. Such a lovely post, Red! It is strange how some random panditji can say anything about our kundlis and make our poor parents follow his words blindly. 'Jupiter sitting on your eighth house' hahhaa...matlab kuch bhi!

    Now you better win the contest girl.

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    1. Sacchi....Shukr aapki aathvi ghar pe virajmaan hai....I MEAN WTF!

      Delete
  38. haha this was awesome! And yes girl you can get your pet yourself but dads are dads they cant stop worrying! Loved it! especially the houses wala joke!! :)

    All the best...

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    1. Heheh thank you for reading babe!

      Delete
  39. Loved this one red.
    There was a similar scene at my place with my sis for a whole while.
    Haha, I could remember my parents stress with this.
    Finally she ended up marrying a Greek in her late 20s much past the quarter century. :P And we're sure glad about that.

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  41. haha.. hilarious as usual :) My dad was so chilled out that sometimes I had to remind him :P I don't know what is this with parents worrying about getting their children married. These days women are so educated and independent, yet this happens.

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    1. I need the chillness of your dad to emanate into my daddy!!!

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  42. Didn't he tell you "wait till you have a daughter" ;)

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    1. Do you think I am confrontational?

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    2. No No... You are not. This letter of yours is amazing. Come to think of it, maybe I will write a reply to this letter of yours in a post on my space :D Of course, I can only imagine what it would be like to be in a father's shoes. Will be fun nonetheless :)

      Delete
  43. Hahaha! And I did not know that 'mewl' would come back to bite me :P

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  44. Fabulous! This is pure humour. Tickled me more than most of the posts on Indi page1.

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  45. amazing and hilarious! I enjoyed every bit :D

    'I can find my own pet' was awesome! hahahaha ;D

    I can see that prize iphone in your hands girl!!

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    Replies
    1. I wish I actually get the prize, but there are so many good posts in there :(

      Delete
  46. Neat post... loved the part about finding your own pet. Anyway, society is like that... the moment you step into the mid twenties, steps are in process to acquire a parentally sanctioned sexual partner and then within a year, you are expected to produce an offspring. You just have fun till then... and after all this drama, you'll have even more fun with the accumulated family though marriage. Your blog will be bursting with stories... I promise :) Anyway, if I were judging, you would win... nice post.

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    1. Io....I don't need a life bursting with stories..hehehe
      Thanks for reading !!

      Delete
  47. A five star to this post! Seriously marriage is a serious business and all the best in finding your own pet (winks ;) )

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  48. hahaha :D oh poor dad ... I remember how dad, who is usually always joking around, had to get his BP checked every two weeks when I told him about my BF (now husband) :P
    Loved your analogy of buying car and finding groom :P and wish that Aussie rishta was pakka... we could have met :D

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    1. I LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!
      And who knows we might meet!

      Delete
  49. Two fantastic entries for the contest.
    Gal , you are gonna win this I think.:D
    And the ,jupiter thing...hahahaha...naaaaice! :)
    Awesome post! :D:)

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    1. Thanks a ton boss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

      Delete
  50. Suppose they give me a prize by mistake, I will hand it over to you!!! This post is sooooo much fun!!! Really Red, you make me laugh like no other blogger :)

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    1. HUM DHANYA HUE!!!! Now you better give me the prize or I sue you!!

      Delete
  51. Oh sweet! That 'take a trip with Mom to Peru' part just touched me :)

    Else, wow! now it's like cent-percent confirmed you are a girl (Yes, I still had my doubts) :P. Your father's doing the job he is entitled to, what with having a grown up girl! May be he has doubts on your seriousness about the operation thing? :P...Too lame? Sorry! :D

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    1. hehehehehe who knows he might seriously be having his doubts. I do behave like a man :P
      Thanks for reading love!!!

      Delete
  52. Hey Red..:)
    You are not getting married with videshi babu via some lousy matrimonial site. it'll be bigger then that. :P :P Remember ? ;)
    And You are a great daughter. Your dad must be so so SOOOO proud..:D
    Xoxo

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    1. Sacchi, it got to be bigger than that. I will be. I promise.
      How are you?

      Delete
  53. There was a movie in which I read/heard this, "When a child is born, a father is born too. While the child grows, the father remains the same."
    This was more heart warming than funny. Good one Red. :-)

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    1. That quote made me smile.
      Thanks for reading boss!

      Delete
  54. hehehehe..... I know what you mean. My fun-loving Jim Carrey of a husband is now like Virus from 3 Idiots..... and my daughter is only 11 now..... sigh!!!!

    Loved the post!

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    1. Io....poor Men! Why do they get so tensed?!!

      Delete
  55. whoa! where did my comment go? Anyway, loved it!

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  56. Awww, dem fathers :')

    xo
    Hopelessly Hopeful
    http://welcometomypartypeople.blogspot.in/

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    1. Seriously :) Thank you for your comments babe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Delete
  57. I laughed my lungs out when I read the part about Jupiter and Shani! Hilarious. With such an awesome daughter, your dad can simply chill out and enjoy his life. ;)

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    1. aww man!! Thank you for saying so!

      Delete
  58. So I keep telling myself that I would never read a "contest post" but then if I were to follow that thought without exception, wouldn't I miss such a delightful post? Such a sparkling piece this was - the proof is that it made me go "how cute" for your dad even though I don't even know him!
    And now I am going to kick myself for not visiting your blog as often as I should!

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    1. Now that is kind of you to say :) And yes my Dad is cute right? :)
      Thank you sooooooooooooo much!

      Delete
  59. Dads are the greatest thing that can happen to a daughter. Your post was humorous, but it very well explained the hidden love, care and well being your father provides.
    I think, we should make a deal. I won't be telling every time how you have an awesome sense of humor and how your words always make me laugh. Henceforth, that would go for all your future blog posts.

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    1. hahahah nonononon no deal!!!! SAY IT TO ME WHENEVER YOU FEEL SO! :P
      Thank you babe!

      Delete
  60. Very nice! It sure echoes with the sentiments of many girls out there. All the best for the contest:-)

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  61. People still use astrology to determine important decisions in their life? Seriously? Wow.

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  62. Before I start to talk about this post, let me just tell what struck me first when I started to scrolls down this page- 121 comments! Wow,...marriage is a big and interesting issue in India, isn't it!!

    I think if you just change the gender of the protagonist, replace father by mother in the entire post, it's my story! (Just saying, it won't be plagiarism if I do that on my blog next :D ).
    It's not easy to be either a boy or a girl at this age. My mom has as much gold stacked up as your dad, I am sure. She reads about the snake in my 7th house as your Jupiter in 8th, and gets sad just like your dad. It's amazing and ridiculous, at the same time, that we find our parents in the same situation as our they found theirs, 25+ years ago. What has changed? Squat.

    They won't go to Peru. Mine don't even go to Thailand! Accept it...

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    1. Damn, you are in the same situation??? Being a boy has no perks?

      And seriously, why can't they spend the money on Peru or just get me a beetle car and a few apple gadgets!

      Delete
  63. I feel Indian parents have such little faith in their parenting skills that they do not expect their kids to do anything right without their help!

    Red, time is ripe for you to elope and make your Daddy proud of you :D

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    1. hahahahhaha..elope?? I WISH.
      Now you have infected me with an idea! :P

      Delete
  64. I love the picture you paint of your dad. Indeed, dads and mums become serious because this silly society makes them. Loved this post and totally howled. You have put two crackers of posts for the contest. I see you WINNING this contest if the jury has any sense of humor :-).

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    Replies
    1. Seriously, the society and its norms are to be blamed. Thank you so much babe!

      Delete
  65. Haha! I can so relate to this post! Well written. :)

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Spit It Out I Say !!!