Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Hating the word 'Ladies' .....


There is something that detonates inside me every time I hear the word ‘Ladies’. It irks me and it makes me angry. Supremely angry and overly irritated. Yes, that is what that word does to me. Above all, I loathe being referred to as a lady. I am not a lady.

A ‘lady’ they say is a refined woman. She is a level or two more virtuous than an ordinary woman and has a more structured and courteous behaviour pattern. If anything, she is a better and much elegant avatar of this miserably faulty thing called ‘woman’. I am not a lady.

It vexes me every time I am part of a crowd which is addressed to as ‘Ladies and Gentlemen’. To say the least, I even abhor reading the term ‘LADIES’ outside the urinal. I need this word out of my life. I am not a lady.

I make mistakes and I sometimes repeat those mistakes for quite a many times. I say things without considering what the takers would think of me as a person. I do not cover my mouth while laughing and sometimes noises escape my mouth while eating. Sometimes I forget to comb my hair properly as I rush to work and most of the times I were different socks. I can gleefully wipe the bread crumbs off my hands onto my shirt as I lean in close to hug you and I do snort while laughing. My nails are always chipped and most of the times the nail colour on my hands differ from the ones on my toes because why bother bending low to paint your toes when you can hide them inside dirty combat shoes. I brush just ones a day and sometimes I do not even floss. I won’t bend a knee while kissing the man I love and I might just pull him closer than wait for him to do so. I like to blow bubbles through the straw into my can of coke. I will tell the man about my fantasies and get the satisfaction I need, than anticipate him to read my mind. I am not refined. I am not a lady.

And if anything I do not want a gentleman in my life. I need a man. I do not want someone to pull a chair for me unless my hands are hurt or paralysed. I do not want a gentleman to run forward to open a car door for me and I definitely do not want him to lend me his jacket. I am sure winter affects both sexes equally. I want a man who acknowledges that I am no lesser than him and allows me to make my own decisions. I want a man who doesn't feel that his male ego requires him to never let his woman pay. Split the bill with me and sometimes when I want to pay it all, do not tell me that it is your destined duty not mine. I want a man who doesn't tell me to choose a Virgin Mojito over rum because I am a lady. I don’t need a gentleman. I am not a lady.

So the next time you ask me to ‘Behave like a lady’, remember that I have blatantly accepted I am not a lady. I am a woman, imperfectly perfect that needs no fine tuning. A woman, that is all I am. 



P.S- How many of you actually like a guy pulling the chair out of you ? Tell me that I am not the only one who doesn't .
P.P.S- You can participate in this giveaway hosted by the awesome blog 'iCynosure'. CLICK HERE

131 comments:

  1. No, you are not the only one, Red. :D I hate the waiter pulling my chair at fancy restaurants as well. More because they sometime pull it so much that reaching the table becomes difficult. I almost always have to pull the chair towards the table again. And, damn, those chairs are heavy.

    Groan! There I go blabbering off topic again! Fine, I don't like my men pulling the chair for me. I dont care much about the waiters because they are not my men. (I do secretly wish some of the hot ones to be mine though.)

    I am just coffee deprived. Sorry!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hheheh Thank you for being the first to read and hey I like this coffee deprived you! hahaha
      Glad that you and I are on the same page!

      Delete
  2. Ayyoooo this is just like everything I wanted to say !! And yeah my hubby is not a gentleman. Hes just a man. Not once in my life did he open the car doors for me and every time I stumbled while walking either he ignored or just wondered aloud ' Akashathu nokkiyano nadakkunnathu'
    And I am really amused when some women walk down the stairs and the men hold their hands ( Award shows, Kofee with Karan) as if they are toddlers trying to walk for the first time... !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so happy tht your husband is not a gentleman!! and 'akashathy nokiyano nadakkunnathu' is the standard dialogue I get too!!!
      and why would people hold their hands every frigging where!!!!

      Delete
  3. (Begins slow clapping)....(slowly stands up)....

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  4. I like your frank acceptance and keen differenciation between woman &lady.
    count me in even i don't like man pulling chair for me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi5 to you my lovely lovely woman!

      Delete
  5. Intresting :D The gif is fun to watch :D good one namrata :)

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  6. Appreciate your view point Red but the events like extending courtesies as mentioned by you are rare in our society! People do not care about offering seat to old and pregnant ladies in public transport, so suggest enjoy few moments when someone treats you well:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Women too deserve such little acts of courtesy. One does not need to be a lady to acquire that. Humanity it is right? To stand up for a pregnant woman!

      Delete
  7. Highly impressed. I don't know how many of us then, are ladies. I just ate a piece of water melon staining whole of my face. :p :D It's fun not to be ladies. And why should we? Great post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You look lovely with that water melon stain! And who wants to be all proper!!!
      Thank u for reading!

      Delete
  8. Pulling chairs, opening doors. lending jackets, paying bills on girl's behalf...I hate them all. It irks me, intensely. When and why did these become the norm? Being a woman is much, much better than being a lady. :) Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so happy to know that I am not the only one!!!!!
      Thank u for reading!

      Delete
  9. Oh I hate it if a guy pulls out the chair or holds the door open for me. It is irritating to say the least! How
    un-lady like can we get eh? :) Tauba Tauba I say!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehe Thank you so much for reading!

      Delete
  10. Oh Red, I am unlady like too. About pulling out the chair, I don't think anyone has done it other than the waiter. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually to think of it, noone has done that for me. Not even a waiter :/

      Delete
  11. Brilliant. I agree with you on each of those points! Wish everyone thought like this!

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  12. Gosh! That is soo me. Umpteen times I have heard that I should have been born as a boy instead of a girl. I don't let a guy open the car door or pull me a chair.... laugh smile sit ladylike! But never thought the word lady had so much in that. Hereby I delete that word from my dictionary!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good for you! Let us all delete this word for it forces us to be something tamed and classy.

      Delete
  13. Thank you for writing this!! I'm the most unladylike person ; I make crunching noises when I eat chips, I always wear mismatched nail colors and socks, and I hate men pulling chairs or opening doors for me. There was this instance when a professor in my class asked a friend of mine to sit properly because sitting cross legged was "unladylike". She stood up and flatly replied that she doesn't feel the need to obey all the rules that the society lays down for women and went back to her previous position. I wanted to stand up and clap :D Very entertaining post as always, Red.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like you already!!! and this friend of yours, did indeed deserve a standing ovation! :D

      Delete
  14. You just wrote what has been playing on my mind. I get real aggressive sometimes and I often get to hear " Behave like a lady". Just because I m a female, I m expected to lower my tone, to not be dominating! Hell! I dont want to be a lady !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahahah we are not meant to be submissive. Neither are we supposed to dominate. We need to be heard, respectfully!

      Delete
  15. I too dont like a guy pulling a chair for me :D I dont like chivalry much. Even opening the car door. I dont even like my man doing it. If he does there wud be some thing fishy like he squandering money or hiding some secret from me. LOL
    I was smirking through out this post.
    Where do u get those gifs ?
    Lovely post

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaahah yes! Now that was a brilliant twist. If you man is opening door for u means he is squandering money or hidinG secrets. LOL!!!
      I get all my images and gifs from Google Images :P. Page number 13 :P

      Delete
    2. page no 13 :o I know why they r moving now :P
      Spppppppppooooky LOL

      Delete
  16. I want to thank you for telling us that pulling and pushing furniture items do not matter!
    I want to thank you for telling it's OK to keep the jacket!
    I want to thank you for telling it's OK to split the bill!
    I am gonna take a print out and show this as a reference to all those ladies who expect us to behave like a gentleman while clearly we are not. . :P
    Excellent post. . Really made my day. . :-D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are a man!!! Stay the same!!!

      Delete
  17. Whoaa Red, that was some post !!! 'I am a woman, imperfectly perfect that needs no fine tuning ' - Yes!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm a tomboy and I hate it when people say 'Cross your legs and sit. You are a lady.'

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ok,you don't want to be called a lady.It is perfectly in order.But what other way can someone address you when he doesn't know your name?I don't know whether girl for a woman in 20s is proper.Calling a woman as woman seems rude especially strangers..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do understand your point. I am just giving my viewpoint. The word irks me.
      Thank you for reading! It is always a pleasure reading your comments!

      Delete
  20. I hate when someone pulls the chair out for me, partly because I have this fear that they will suddenly pull it back and my sensitive bum will be down on the ground. Yikes, did I say bum? I ain't a lady too then :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahahah you really feel they would do tht? ahahahaha

      Delete
  21. Spot on! Brilliant write....I love that I am perfect with my imperfections!! And I don't need a gentleman... I need a partner!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You said it woman!! You said it! Thank u for reading!

      Delete
  22. A guy once tried to pull out the chair for me on our first date, I told him that I have my own hands. He got offended. He then refused to let me have a beer, he insisted I have wine or a mocktail, like a lady. Needless to say, we did not have a second date.

    We need to brush more than once a day? Wow, breaking news!

    The only time I like the word ladies is at the super market for ladies finger. Else, they can all go to hell.

    P.S: Why is a guy above calling you Namrata?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha thank God you said that you too just brush once a day! I thought I was the only one!

      I too am trying to figure out why he called me Namrata :(

      Delete
  23. And there you go! I'm glad to know you aren't a lady! Hi5 on that! :D
    I so loved all the points above, that I want to share it, and shout out "Hey, that explains me well".:D Let me know if I can share the link.

    And yes, haven't really had a guy in life, but I'd definitely not need his jacket. Anyway, I'm usually overdressed :P

    Awesome post, woman! (Y)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha I like you woman! I am overdressed too most of the times!!!
      and share share, I would love you more :P

      Delete
  24. This treat-me-like-a-lady is exactly why men get annoyed and say women take advantage of being a woman! Why do we talk about equality when we want the opposite gender to open doors for us?? Annoys me!
    I want to remain a girl for the rest of my life. I want to be someone who can wear shorts, drop her food on the shirt and never wear heels. Yes, not lady not woman, just a girl. And I want my husband to be who he is - the cutestttt Boy!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are wah! Now this is what I love about blogging. Gave me a brand new perception!!
      Thank you for reading!

      Delete
  25. Hehehe Once the door of a shopping mall slammed right into my face because my adorable husband forgot to hold it :P Well I never forget to remind him ;) I was expecting to marry a chivalrous man ... But I hopelessly feel in love with a guy who's far from it. I am fiercely independent, but I love chivalry too. I want to be treated like a lady... But the irony is my gang of friends who are all guys , often forget that I am a girl ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the fact that you are surrounded by real men! :)

      Delete
  26. It's another example of how we always feel the need to label everything don't we? What is it to be a lady? A man? Why can't we just "be"?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You said it!! Thank u for reading!

      Delete
  27. Aaaah! Loved it!! I think this whole "Lady-like" thing is overrated. I would freak out if a guy would pull a chair for me or open the car door, it would feel like I am such a lazy-punk-ass, making him my slave. Jeez!

    Wonderful!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha you are awesome just the way you are my woman!

      Delete
  28. Haha uhm I'm so awkward when the waiter tries to do that chair pulling thing. I'm scared I'll fall on my bum. You know the chair going In slow motion, while your bum obeying gravity :D
    Sooo you're namrata.i was looking for you :p bwahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading.
      A few out here know who I am . And my Name is definitely not Namrata. :D I wonder why that guy called me that. Maybe he thought he was reading some other blog.

      Delete
  29. I am sure you would prefer being called a Lady than referred to as "whats up girl" by a man, gentle or otherwise!
    I see most of the prior comments are by women and they agree with you, so you must be making a valid point. But trust me it puts us, the men, in a weirder position. If I pull up chair, I offend you, if I don't, I am not a gentleman for the society. If I call you a Lady, probably despite of all the "un-lady-like" habits I am aware of, then I irk you and if I call you anything else, I present myself to the highest order of ridicule. If I am gender neutral, I am insensitive, and if I try to be empathetic, I am overstepping!

    You see my point!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not saying that everyone is a woman and not a lady. I am just giving my perspective. Saying that I do not want to be treated that way. A personal opinion :)

      Delete
  30. highly impressed!! i liked the frankness of your post :) i am nt sure how i want to be treated, whether i like the guy pulling chair out for me but one thing i absolutely hate is sum1 else paying my bill! itt irks me wen a guy does it and feels its mandatory!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chalo atleast you are among the kind of women who do not want their man to pay every frigging time!
      Thanks for reading babe!

      Delete
  31. And I am no gentleman. I am more like open your own door, pull your own chair. I know I sound harsh, but what can I do when I am not a gentleman. :P

    I guess whenever you are in a meeting or something, the anchor should say like, "Ladies, Gentlemen and Women*". :P

    *If and only if you are present in the crowd.

    But overall, a nice post. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you soooooo much for reading!!!

      Delete
  32. OK, next time I call you lady, it would be sarcastically. I understand you don't want to handle gentlemen, but you are quite adroit at handling sarcasm. Okay, lady?

    :)
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha done deal! Thank u for reading!

      Delete
  33. You know as a gender expert I have read about how humans are born as male and female and then get converted to men and women. Unfortunately with females it does not stop being a woman - you have to be a lady and prove your breeding ie repress yourself very majorly and behave the way that men would like you to!! Kudos to you my dear. Be a person first and a female next. That is what will give us the most happiness!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was an intriguing comment! I never thought of it at such depths!
      Like you said, we should be a person first!
      Thank u!

      Delete
  34. Hahaha :D
    The most annoying thing about the term " Ladies" is when it is addressed to a single woman..something like " ladies log hain humare sath jane do bhai " :P

    ReplyDelete
  35. Good one Red. :) I don't seem to mind being a lady for few things you mentioned. I don't want to be ignored when I am feeling cold. :D

    But, rest I am with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We all do deserve differential and more lady like treatment once in a while, especially from the man we love. It is his duty :P

      Delete
  36. Ladies vs Women ... that was fun to read ... why not Men vs Gentlemen now (a bit lengthier than the portion in middle) :p

    Love your humorous posts ... a good way to relax after a hard day's work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hhahaha maybe you could write about it!!

      Delete
  37. Maybe not the chair, but I do like it when he invariably stretches out his hand for me to hold when I'm tottering on my heels. After a day of standing up to nasty colleagues, tolerating impolite people, I don't mind such gestures that make me feel special :-)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey! Those are things he does out of the love for you and not because he needs to be courteous. And of course, if the man we love does not do such little acts of cuteness, who will!

      Delete
  38. Ohh.. didnt think of the word "lady" from this point of view.. Interesting thought Red.. So, the words "Ladies" and "Gentlemen" exist only in the books and speeches and outside the urinals, not in deed :)

    ReplyDelete
  39. I agree that the door-opening, chair-pulling thing is very annoying and actually feels patronizing. However, I wonder if the definitions of 'lady' and 'gentleman' are restricted to outward social niceties such as these. Don't they also refer to good character, integrity and self-respect?

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    Replies
    1. I agree with what you are saying but does that mean that women are not capable of having good character, integrity and self respect?

      Delete
  40. A perfect description of the lady vs women debate we women have within ourselves, Red!
    Some situations demand you behave like a lady whether you like it or not! Maybe that needs to change. :/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey thank you for reading! And you are right!

      Delete
  41. Loved it...

    Its so nice to sometime read blogs like this which can identify with you.

    All i can say.... you are not alone... Loved it <3 :)

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  42. Oh yeah I'm not either...I drink my wine directly from the bottle...There I said it!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Loved it!! Lady sounds like a social code of behaviour you are supposed to adhere to. Woman feels natural. Loving your blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It certainly does!!! And you r kind. Thank you! :)

      Delete
  44. This is so un-lady like Red! Hahaha :) Do add picking the nose, sticking out the tongue, wiping off sweat using dupattas and playing foot ball with neighborhood kids ;) That would be me :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Picking my nose is my favourite pass time! :P

      Delete
  45. Any kind of stereotype is bullshit because we are all different.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I particularly like that 'paying the entire bill' part :) Where were people like you in my youth? :) I could also have done with the woman pulling out a chair for me, opening a car door and all that - I am that inept when it comes to doing things :)

    But, hey, if you start attributing meanings to every word, I might have to keep learning a new language every other day. Till date, I have only used 'lady' to mean 'woman' with no promises to do all that chivalrous shit when in her presence :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We need more and more men like you!! HOW LUCKY THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE ! :P

      Delete
  47. Frankly speaking many Ladies (sorry Women) may not know the difference between the two.

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    Replies
    1. Well, I am just talking about me here :D

      Delete
  48. You are so me....
    I mean, I do not too like being called a lady as I most definately am not one.
    Loved the post.. good to be here after a long time. :)

    Sharing.. hope you do not mind!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey welcome back!!! And glad you could identify with me.
      SHARE! You are just being generous :D

      Delete
  49. Totally agree! I don't need a 'gentleman'. It's all cheesy in the movies and to think of but in reality we don't really need it. Let's all celebrate the fact that we are not ladies. We are women, rocking ones at that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! Where is the champagne now!! :D

      Delete
  50. Ho ho ho this one is a fabulous blogpost! How the hell did I miss it :P well I believe I am okay with even being called a female as opposed to lady :/

    Richa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha female...hmmm..I dont know about someone shouting at me"HEY FEMALE" :P

      Delete
  51. I think the world should really start expecting less shit n be more practical.. enough with " and ladies". We've have had enough of it..
    and you Red.. when you find a guy like that... ask him if he has a brother..;) ;) :P :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The one I found has a brother...but you deserve way better darling !

      Delete
  52. I can pull out my own chair, thank you. If my hubby pulled out a chair for me, I would assume he wanted to sit in the chair I was about to take, so I'd give him a look and walk to the other side of the table, where I'd pull out the empty chair for me. :-)
    Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwhahahaha how awesome was your comment?! Seriously!! You do that!
      hahahah

      Delete
  53. Absolutely hate it when guys pull out a chair for me.
    I have two hands and am perfectly capable of the task.

    Love the post.

    I’ve missed your writing.

    x
    Sonshu
    www.thesonshu.com

    ReplyDelete
  54. No one has ever pulled a chair for me or opened the car door and how glad I am :) Thank God i have never met such 'Gentlemen' . May you never meet them too.

    -Jaspreet

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha welcome to my humble blog! And may I never meet such a man :P

      Delete
  55. Then, you don't like the tile of the Hindi-movie- Ladies Vs, Ricky Behl too :)
    Hee hee :) Chuckling :)

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    Replies
    1. hahaha I haven't even seen that one!

      Delete
  56. You know, I hold the door open for men/women/strangers and I don't mind others doing the same for me. It counts as basic courtesy in my book. Of course, when out with my male friends, we go Dutch. At the end of the day, I count these as little niceties that are gender neutral.

    ReplyDelete
  57. This post has been selected for the Tangy Tuesday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging :)

    ReplyDelete
  58. This post has been selected for the Tangy Tuesday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging :)

    ReplyDelete
  59. To be honest, Red, I agree with most of your blog posts, but I disagree with this one.
    Opening a car door? Holding out a chair? Holding a door open? These are all basic forms of courtesy. I would expect any guy I'm dating to do those things for me. It's just manners, plain and simple, and I would do the same for a man(although he probably wouldn't be too pleased, seeing as his masculinity would be called into question, but that's a topic for a different post). Paying the bill is a different deal altogether. I always offer to split the bill, and I can understand why you're annoyed about men insisting on paying, although I think it's a nice gesture. I agree with wanting a man who treats you like an equal and respects your capabilities, but why is that incompatible with a man who has good manners?
    I have been called ladylike often, by many of my friends, and I take it as a compliment. I want to be known as ladylike. I want to uphold myself to a high standard of courtesy and integrity. I want to be refined and elegant. Being ladylike does not mean that you eat flawlessly, that you submit to your man at all times or that your nails are perfect. At the most basic level, it involves behaving well and being respectful of others-while still being true to yourself.
    All women and all men deserve respect-whether they are seen to be "ladies" and "gentlemen", or not. However, I feel like you have a very narrow definition of the terms. Being a lady is not incompatible with being a strong, independent woman who can take care of herself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey I appreciate your stand but this was a very personal post and not something that generalized the thoughts of many. I was just talking about me. :)

      Delete
  60. I think we all like it different!
    Your writing is magnetic.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Depends on my mood. Sometimes I enjoy being a lady and well, other times, I'd rather be not one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess that is the story of everyone! :)

      Delete
  62. Happy to learn that you want to be treated equally, but all the girls I have dated up till now wanted me to open the door for them and pay the whole bill (except one).

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  63. Yes Mam.. point noted .. I will make sure to keep the points in my mind always :)

    How are you doing .. remember me ..

    Bik

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  64. I do not know about the word ladies.. but I do not like a guy opening a door for me or pulling a chair.. I feel like it is daddy doing things for a little child ...

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  65. Beautiful piece. Its not you alone dear. Let ladies be ladies. We will be ourselves :)

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  66. Glad to see this brutally honest perspective. Just be Yourself and trust me, there are guys who value women as a person and not as a lady. Brilliant:)

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  67. You should watch Jennifer Lawrence videos :)

    ReplyDelete
  68. Nice one red....we r proud of who we r are....raw beauties....Wats ur opinion on Modi's dialogues..... Bhaiyo aur beheno...main mahilaaon k liye suraksha bill launga....(he is biased yaar)

    ReplyDelete

Spit It Out I Say !!!