Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Of Childhood Crushes and Fantasies.....


Today morning as I was getting out for work, my glance slid towards my little 7 yr old cousin’s bedroom. There she stood with a huge poster of some Disney Prince and was standing on her toes in an attempt to stick it to her wall. This was the first ‘GUY’ poster in her room and I know that this wouldn't be her last. This was just a bud.

I was not an innocent child. To be quite frank, since I was studying in a convent school, boys were like Unicorns for me. Mystical, magical and unattainable, though unlike Unicorns they did exist somewhere outside the school compound. Unlike the other girls who were busy salivating about Barbie’s gay boyfriend Mr.Ken, I was busy fantasizing about MowgliMowgli was by God my first crush and I wanted to give him babies. 4 babies to be precise. One who could ride on the black panther ‘Bageera’, one to  play with the cuddly bear ‘Baloo’, one to slide down the slimy back of the snake ‘Kaa’ and one who could fight the evil tiger ‘Shere Khan’. I had planned it all while listening to the title song ‘Jungle Jungle Pata Chala Hai Chaddi Pehenke Phool Khila Hai’. Me and my Chaddyman for life!

But then I grew up to be 11 yrs old and Mowgli was not as pleasing to my senses as he used to be. It was around that time that our neighbor Mrs.Kukreja started giving the top floor of her house on rent to bachelors. There was this boy whom I called ‘Mintu bhaiyya’ who was a star among me and my other friends. But I was committing incest in my mind and bhaiyya was the last thing I wanted him to be. I wanted him to give me a ride on his Bajaj Vespa and share a Mango Dolly with me. The way he played Tea set with my friends made me jealous. But what could a girl with a boy cut and a deranged self confidence do?

One day I got up and tied my mom’s dupatta on my head and started pretending that it was real hair. Long-ass-length-hair. With lipstick on my dot like lips and another dupatta rolled as a saree/Egyptian zombie atire around my tiny body with t-shirt as a blouse, I walked to the Verandah hoping to parade myself like a peacock before my Mintu. But it was my father who broke my heart between his uncontrollable laughs when he said “Mintu left for his post graduation at Dehradun”. He left behind a packet of Britannia Little Hearts for me. My second crush broke my heart.

Then Hrithik Roshan came into my life. I would close myself in my parents room since I never had a room of my own, with the walkman playing the cassette of ‘ Kaho Na Pyaar Hai’. As I lay on my bed and the song started playing, I was suddenly Amisha Patel wearing her thigh length white skirt, gyrating uncontrollably with my Hrithik. I was the one for whom he made sea-shell necklaces and I was the one looking deep into his eyes beside the bonfire in a secluded island somewhere near Thailand.

 Then he went ahead and got married to a certain pale skinned Suzanne.

Hrithik Roshan with his 8 pack abs, carved collar bone, bulging biceps and swallowing arms, did not deserve me, said my Dad as tears rolled down my 13 yr old cheek while licking on the Vanilla Ice-cream he bought to calm down the waves tormenting his daughter’s little heart. Dads are the best.

I don’t do crushes anymore. I don’t remember anyone else whom I had a crush on besides these. At least nothing that was this serious and engulfing. So, what do I do now? Well I got graduated from crushing on people to falling in love. Much worse!

But the good thing about Love is, it doesn't come easy. I am a tough nut to crack.  But it did happen once and God, I would always thank you for that!

So dear Mowgli, I am glad nothing happened between us. My little cousin told me while reading the Jungle book that you are happy with a certain blue skirted girl named ‘Shanti’. I hope she pops out 4 kids.

Dear Mintu Bhaiyya. Wherever you are, Dehradun or Mussoorie, I hope you found someone who foresees your premature bald patch just like I did. But maybe you are already bald by now.

Dear Hrithik Roshan. You still look good in your latest ‘Baniyan’ advertisement. Call me. 



P.S- The above photo is a classic case of bad photoshop. Thank you very much.
P.P.S- Tell me about your first ever crush. 


126 comments:

  1. I was also a convent product.... and I actually didn't talk to much boys till I reached 11th.... and now guys top my friends list. Awee.... Mougli.... he actually did looked cute na ;) .... And Srk was/is/will be my all time crush! <3

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    1. HEHEH thank you for being the first to read!

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  2. I had a super duper crush on Hercules!! by gawd kiya handsome :D ROFL your Dad is so awesome and so sweet. Since you asked about crushes I wrote this in 2010... you might like it... aaram se padhna no rush :)

    http://destinychildosheen.blogspot.com.au/2010/02/cute-crushes-to-catastrophic-crashes.html

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    1. heheh I am on my way to read it now!!

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  3. hey you need to configure your tweet button girl... :)

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  4. hahaaha....you had me in smiles....I would splits but no I didn't LOL as I reading this at work :P I remember those fantasy days....lol...my first crush...heheh there is a poem in my blog...under my poems...check when you gotta minute ;)

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  5. I almost felt that I was reading about my eleven year old self. Though I left Mowgli phase very early (I felt more like Mowgli than like his prospective girlfriend :P) But man, Hrithik Roshan, was the original first crush! I had all the possible merchandise of him. I wrote love letters to him, hoping he would acknowledge his 'biggest fan' in some interview..haha..that was a crazy phase!

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    1. hahahahah you actually did that? How friggin adorable!

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  6. Was it one of my friends in school? Seriously I don't remember. I think the first celeb I had a huge crush on was Imran Khan, the cricketer :-D! Tom Cruise is another one. A friend in college too who was way too sweet and a good buddy. Uff, so many. Hot men keep climbing up the ladder for me :-P

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    1. hahaha too much hotness around!! Cannot blame u!

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  7. awww.. mine was always Peter Pan..I always wish to see him in real and elope with him to Neverland..Those moments of childhood will always be remembered dearly.

    I hope Hrithik will call you soon ;)

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  8. haha my first crush was Johnny Quest, the cartoon..There was a rerun of the series in Cartoon Network in the 1997 I think and that's when I fell in love for the first time in my life! And then it was SRK...after that I think I never had any major crushes ! sigh those beautiful days

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    1. Johnny Quest! How did I forget him!!!

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  9. First of all, your photoshop skills are far better than mine. Oh, you already thanked me. Nice.

    Umm, Crush ? I always had this infatuation, but for crushes I didn't get that much. There are so many girls, I couldn't keep track of all of them. :P

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    1. hahaha Thank you sooooooooo much for reading!

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  10. Finally I am breaking this self imposed restriction I had placed on myself to not to comment on your blog. Now don't ask me why?! :P Consider it a truce with myself since you had firmly denied any other means of appreciation that I found, well,I would like to call them creative and innovative, though I am not quite sure you would have felt the same way :P
    Your lemons post was unequivocally the best post do far. Others are no less as well, but I relate to that post in a special way :) So I thank you from the left ventricle of my heart for writing that post ! :D
    This post was not profound by any means but I enjoyed reading it and being already wore off from a busy day, I think this has become the silver lining of my day :D Your crushes were too damn cute and innocent! Chaddi pahan ke phool khila hai ! LOL! Mine were actually more far fetched and dirtier :P But my day had been made!! So thanks once again :)

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    1. TELLME why would you put yourself in such a restriction. You asked me not to ask but it is out of curiosity. Tell me please?:)

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  11. And hey! Your header is wonderful and so cute! Finally looked at it more insight-fully :D

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  12. Heart broken thrice. You are very strong Red. :)

    Ohh! I cant seem to remember whom my first crush was. In fact if I had any. I feel so old for that.

    I hope Hrithik bhaiyya calls you.(Bhaiyya only for me, okay. I am just trying to clear the way for you. Incase he is interested in me). Lol.

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    1. How sweet of you to cal him your Bhaiyya. Now he is eternally mine! :P

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  13. I don't remember my first crush.. mainly because there have been so many - I was very promiscuous that way! :D But I would love to tell you of a girl on whom half of my school had a crush on. I was in one of those extreme boarding schools, that is run by monks. In that school, we were hardly in touch with the outside world. The only 'darshan' of a girl we used to get was that of the gardener's daughter, Rupa. She was at least 5 years elder to us, but most of the school had a MAJOR CRUSH on her. They waited everyday to at least say 'Hello' and then I remember there was a conflict among them regarding who would give her a greeting card. Possibly, she was the first crush of a lot of school children.

    Some days!

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    1. Rupa ka Roop must have been sona :P
      I wish I was rupa nw!:D

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  14. I dont remember my first crush. I actually hated girls till the 7th grade. And then, I dunno when, my hormones got the better of me.

    After that, I think I had a crush on half my female classmates(im talking in terms of numbers here, and not in terms of top half/bottom half), all at once.

    I think my name should've been Horniman between the 7th and 10th grades :P

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    1. hahahaha Horniman who likes half females :P
      Bwahahahhaha!

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  15. These crushes are so cute and innocent :)
    Mine was the 'king' Shahruk Khan <3

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  16. i just had my most recent crush while smoking on the fire escape at a client. but then she just vanished, like a sprite running free and mysterious in the world. i am still for the first crush though, and not just me, a couple of other fellows too from school last i heard...

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  17. Have had sooo many stories of these kinds :P These Mintu bhaiya wali :D and yes they did sound like incest always :P

    Richa

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    1. hahaah kya kare, the society made us call them 'Bhaiyya'

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  18. Haha...brilliant! Mowgli was your first crush? That chaddi man! ;)

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  19. I never liked Hrithik in Kaho na pyar hai..I started falling for him since ZNMD happened..

    Mowgleee...wow good old memories :D my first crush was a classmate when i was 6

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  20. You and your chaddyman, me and my dobbyguy (the harry potter elf) :D

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    1. DOBBYGUY? hhahahahahh soo cute u r!

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    2. just imagine our shaadis :D Ekdum dhinchak ! :P

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  21. Chaddy man... :D :D lol... mowgli was fun...really! :)
    my first crush was Salman khan... I adore him even today! Sigh!

    I remember watching "mere rang me rangne wali" I was 8 I think, and I went "WOW"

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    1. Are I used to always imagine myself in that song too. You brought memories back!!

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  22. Mowgli!!!!!!! I am speechless!!!
    My first crush was a boy in my school - yes only real peoplesss!!! I detest him now because he is the biggest loser on planet earth :)
    After that the more boys I saw, the more I fell in love! The only star I thought was well deserving was Rahul Dravid. Oh those innocent eyes!!
    You've inspired me to do a crush post now. I have a huge list!!!

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    1. Real peoples only? heheheh!!!
      Rahul dravid! I wanted him to marry me. The good man image!

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  23. Mine was Aamir Khan . From Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar. I was 9 years old. He was my first crush and it was such a mad crush until I found Shah Rukh Khan :D

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    1. hahaha I loved Aamir in Pehla nasha!! :D

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  24. :D I haven't ceased to have crushes. my first for a guy named Bunty and currently it is this bengali film actor, Param. (the main actor in Kahani, remember?) I like calling him Garam Param. Though I think it is less of a crush and more of lust. :|

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    1. I like lust! hahah actually all crushes r lust only right? Especially after u have crossed your teens!

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  25. My first crush was this guy who always sat at the Nukkad as I walked to my home from school. He never noticed me because I was just a fat, ugly girl in plaits. But every time I walked by him my heart would race and I could feel my face turning hot! Now he's just an old guy with a bald patch and an ugly paunch who looks at me as I walk by as I laugh at my own silly memories. Loved this post :) Made me nostalgic about my old crushes ;)

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    1. Oh there have been plenty of dudes who did not even know I existed while my mind was spinning tales about us.

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  26. That was a cute list of childhood crushes Red! Time for some real stuff now:)

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  27. Akshay Kumar in Yeh Dillagi, at the age 12 (checked via google). However, I would be pissed when my friends teased me (!) about him. No clue why, for both things.
    New here Red, and this is one fun page! keep writing!

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  28. oh this post made me smile so much...love the way you write...

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  29. Hahaha Chaddyman!!!! :D

    My first crush was and is Shahrukh Khan! I don't know why people never expect someone like me to have a crush on him! Most of my real life crushes turned to boyfriends and after sometime all I wanted to do is crush them. In fact, they thought me that crushes shall pass too! From one guy to another.

    I was a convent product too, but I was a part of scouts and guides and could feast on the teenage Biebers at conventions! Boy, I'm so glad I grew up! :D

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    1. hahahah...I loved Shah rukh in kuch kuch hota hai and I imagined myself to be Kajol!
      Phew!
      I am glad I grew up too!

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  30. ha ha ha,really nice share,you make me happy for while.Your first crush was superb.

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  31. hhahhahhaha!!!! I have this one little question ever since I first heard the jingle.. how does a flower bloom when you wear a chaddi??? Please help me solve one of the greatest mysteries of our times.

    My first crush was a boy in my class. I was in second standard when my dad was transferred to Kanpur. New city, new people and new friends.. and then there was this guy.. the thing I loved about him was the way he used to stick his tongue out and touch the tip of his nose while drawing.. and he drew really well..please mind!!!

    Apart from him.. Hrithik Roshan and Shahrukh Khan were always there. ^.^

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    1. I never understood the jindle!!! and u like da guy because he could touch the tip of his nose while drawing?
      MY God let me kiss your cuteness nw!

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  32. Hahaha Mowgli? By the way, mine was Milind Soman as Captain Vyom ;)

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    1. Are now I like milind soman in old spice ad!

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  33. Oh my gooddd!! i mean, baloo, used to be my favorite! And we don't have such superb cartoons now! :/ i really miss them! and i laughed my lungs out really! so nice written :)
    I wish if mintuu bhaiyyaa could read this blog of yours! LOL
    and btw Hrithik is divorced! :P

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    1. I don't even remember how he looks now :P

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  34. I just had to stop by after that 'bad' photoshop picture ;)And I am glad :D

    Sigh, Hrithik rules.. except maybe in that last installment of a horrible superhero movie. Never mind.

    I love the 'Minut Bhaiyya' bit the best. Epic!!

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    1. hahaha Thank you so much for reading!

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  35. Lol this is cute and funny! We all have those sort of first crushes due to our new hormones! Glad wisdom is stronger than them! Mowgli and 4 kids dream was so amazing and innocent! :D I love a Hindi poem by a fellow blogger who dealt with the same issues- crushes, heart breaks at different stages of life! If you are interested I can share it with you here! :)

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  36. I think my first childhood crush was Shaan the singer.. Him and his tiny eyes that used to close every time he laughed. I still do like him actually.. lol..
    p.s - Photoshopped miss red looks so happy!

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    1. Hheeheh actually my Mother had a crush on SHAN and she used to openly tell us :P

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  37. Oh.. crushes are the spice of life. I have had crushes on characters in books and poems ( Lochinvar, Mr. Darcy, Rhett Butler). Guess it was my convent education which made me gravitate towards "Phirang" heros. Kumar Gaurav ( I will kick anyone who says " who is that?" ) and Jackie Shroff followed in quick succession. Actually, now that I think of it, I think I married my husband because he reminded me in some vague way of Jackie during his modelling days ( not the way he looks now ok?). But Mowglee.. hmm I think I missed him!

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    1. wow! Your husband looks like the young Jackie Shroff! Damn! Lucky woman!

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  38. :D :D now why didnt I feel anything towards Mowgli.... :P
    My first crush must be Tarun.. The boy who comes in the movie 'Anjali'. He plays Anjali's brother..
    Few Years later, I had a huge crush for this boy who comes in "Solano" chocolate ad.. He says So So Solanooo".. hehehe...

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    1. Let me now go google 'TARUN'
      Solano ad! hahahahahahaahhaahahahhhaahahahahah

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  39. The ending just made me smile broad. CALL ME !
    I too used to do dettoo -- that walk man thingy. LOL
    but no longer hav a crush on hrithik

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  40. Hii!

    Another sixer !

    I just loved this post because I could relate to it so well. My first crush was Leonardo Di Caprio rather the cute, boy next door, Jack Dawson who died saving that plump Rose! I was some 13 yes old that time and even now, I am still in love with Leo!

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    1. I forgot to mention my undying love for ANTHONY HOPKINS!

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  41. Now that Hrithik Bhaiya is separated from that light-skinned damsel, he's waiting to be caught Red Handed :D

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    1. Sigh! Such men should atleast know that I exist! :(

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  42. Those were the days, when being crushed made us happy :D

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  43. hehe i enjoyed reading dis post so much!! i remember all d crushes i had while growing up, my first crush being harry potter :-D and it went on changing and for nw i hav stopped on korean actor lee min ho. donno til wen :-D

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    1. Let me google this korean actor! CUTEEEE!!!

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  44. wait...where is my comment ? :-o I swear I posted one yesterday :( Bad bad blogger >.<
    Anywho, that chaddyman bit made me laugh out loud :D I had a major crush on George from Famous Five all my life...

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    1. hahahah George from Famous five was indeed one adventurous boy!

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  45. Bwahaha the photoshop was so cute!
    My first ever crush was shahid kapoor. Why oh why is he so cute?

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  46. :-)

    Did you ever notice the fact that the one thing that makes a crush so differently special is that it is almost always out of reach. :P A sort of sweet pain which one loves to experience. :D

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  47. Well! Do you know that Hrithik and Susanne separated, he's back to being single and chance marle..loove this super fun and awesome post. Btw, I also wrote on Crush but mine is pale in comparison to yours:)

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  48. I totally enjoyed reading your post !
    I didn't like Mowgli much, Yes Hrithik Roshan was my eye candy, but I couldn't mourn on loosing him, cos the day he got married I was busy consoling my best friend who was tearing up all his posters from her 4 walls, and ceiling roof, her cupboard !

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    1. hahahaha I can relate to your friend. Give her a hug from my side!

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  49. Haha reminded me of my first serious crush - Salman Khan. I went gaga over him after I saw Maine Pyar Kiya :) My cartoon crush was Aladdin. I found him too cute :)
    Your posts are so funny.. can't stop laughing at the last pic.. hehehe

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    1. Salman khan in Maine Pyaar Kiya was cute and hot and everything else a man can be!

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  50. I used to love Mowgli for the adventurous life he led, but Hrithik? Naah.
    Bhavya @ Ishithaa

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  51. Ha ha Red, seriously pop out 4 kids? Girl, you make my day and you make my night. :P

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    1. And u just made me day and night by saying so! I have a crush on u now! :P

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  52. Kaho na pyar hai wala Hritik was my crush as well. Kyuki ka Mihir was also my crush :p Salman Khan was also my crush. Dr. Armaan Mallick was also my crush. <3 <3 I had innumerable crushes. But certainly love is more beautiful than a crush, now I know. :D

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    1. Armaan mallik from jasi jaii koi nahi? hehehehehe!!!

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  53. Wait, I have some news - that pale Suzanne and that Hritik with open arms have parted ways! Your third crush is free again! Ab batao aagey ka kya plan hai?

    Charming post, as always!

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    1. Hum wait karenge till he knows that I exist :P

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  54. Haha Hrithik was my first celeb crush :)

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  55. It's a treat to read your posts, Batman :D
    Bdw, my first ever crush was on Preity Zinta :D After that there is a huge list :P

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    1. Good choice you have!!!
      Thank you for reading ROBIN! :P

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  56. That was interesting. Hope all your ex reads this and have a laugh too.
    As for me Hrithik is still my fav. He has looks, he has a good physique, he is down to earth, he can dance and he can act. What more does an Indian actor need? Why oh why does he not get roles? So I have decided, when I make films (which I believe I will one day) one good character role will be reserved for Hrithik, so all ye Bollywood (& Hollywood) guys just wait and watch.

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    1. AND MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!
      Cast me in a film opposite him? Atleast let me serve him a cup of tea :(

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  57. Three words. Kindergarten. Shah Rukh Khan. This is the late 90's when the TV and radio were blazing with SRK's hits. I don't remember how but even the elder kids with who I would share an auto-rickshaw to school knew about my crush (understatement) and comically quizzed me often about who I am going to marry. No points for guessing it was SRK all the way till 3rd grade.

    The sad part is, now I crush on almost all the basic literary heroes. They shouldn't make them so incredibly tempting in the books, It is hard to resist. :P

    Laughed away reading your post. Made me feel so much better. Keep writing, Red. :D

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    1. I fall in love with writers now! For there has to be something in him as magical as the characters he spins in his books!!
      I love you sweetheart! :)

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  58. This was too good! Witty, hilarious and superfluous! Crap. Looks like I did miss alot in this one year.
    Mowgli, Mintu Bhaiyya and Hritik, I hope there's a real life romeo now!
    The last I came on blogger, you were a student, now you're a lawyer.
    Heck, I'm left far behind.
    Thank you for being the one who greeted me with open arms with my comeback post!
    Thank youuuuu, it was a good feeling.

    Will keep reading, whenever I sign in Blogger

    Much love and good vibes!

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    1. You better keep writing woman! Everyone is back on blogger!

      Delete
  59. The Kaho Na Pyar Hain Songs were such a huge hit and me and my sis were so fond of the songs that we used to keep playing it repeatedly when we were staying at the Grandma's for summer vacation.

    And my crushes, too many :-D

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  60. Childhood crushes are fine, but those full blown crushes you have in your teen years are not. Anyway, it has got the power to reduce even the sane souls to perfect imbeciles.

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  61. I had my first crush in 8th standard on the daughter of my class teacher. It was more of double side actually! But it stopped when my teacher found out about it :D

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  62. Crushes happen & then little hearts & ice-creams calm us :)
    Falling in love is pretty easy :) Smiled a great deal reading this. Hope Hrithik sees this too & calls you :)

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  63. i now understand why girls get raped. To be honest i never knew girls could be so easily fooled,otherwise i would have been the most promiscous guy around in my teens.

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  64. My first crush was a wrestler. And guess what, the mail ID that I made the in his honor with both our names together has lasted a decade and is now my personal mail ID. And I don't know how to get rid of it without losing my correspondence. Sigh.

    This was, as usual, hilarious :P

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  65. Hmmm, my first crush... I think it was the first time I saw the first Harry Potter movie, and I instantly fell for Daniel Radcliffe. Thankfully the crush disappeared in a few years after the horrible long hair he sported in the Goblet of Fire. :P
    Great post, RH! So glad I discovered your blog.

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