Wednesday, 30 April 2014

TO SPANK OR NOT TO SPANK...


Yesterday my Aunt barged into our place infuriated. It is not every day that you get to see a woman as calm and composed as her, all red and fuming. Without as much as a warning, she began pacing on the verandah mumbling “How can they hit their child. He just broke a few glasses. Kids do that! Why would she hit him! My own friend hitting her child!” And in my mind, this was going on, “Why is she making such a fuss? The kid deserved a tiny hit”.

I was hit a few times as a child and to be quite frank, I totally deserved every single hit. Whatever I am today are due to those fantastic hits.  My Dad never hit me on my face but regularly gave me a spank or two on my hands or my feet while my mother believed in punishing me by pinching me below my arms. I know I deserved every single hit. They were painful but never over the top brutal and only hands were used in the process. No, this did not make me hate my parents or be afraid of them. They knew their limits.

I was a bad child. From hanging on to my father’s foot until he got me a Cadbury’s lollipop, to threatening other kids that my father would hang them on the ceiling fan while I switch it on, to making a picture of  a mango when asked to draw a globe, I had a lot of issues. I was not someone who listened to words of wisdom and I was certainly someone who loved making faces every single time someone asked me to not to litter the place with pieces of paper. I was a nightmare and my mother still reminds me of it. I was a mess and the only language that got communicated to me was a little spanking now and then. They tried everything. The made me go to my room and stay put all day, only to find the walls used as a slate to draw figures that looked demonic. They reprimanded me by taking my toy truck away, only to find me play with a toy that my parents do not remember buying me. Turns out, I was into childhood kleptomania restricted to toys and teddy bears. I was the child every couple prayed against.

I remember how once I asked my mom to make me an Omelette, an omelette that was as thin as paper because it reminded me of Paper Dosa. My mother tried, only to find me rejecting the 5 omelettes she made. My Dad came and awarded me one good smack on my buttocks and then asked my mom to make me another omelette. I don’t know if it was paper thin but I do remember eating it. It was bloody tasty! I can still remember the day when my Dad ran behind me in his lungi and Baniyan until I somehow managed to wriggle under the bed but got stuck midway because of my monstrous belly. The spank on my bum could have been mistaken as someone playing a congo. That incident gave me a good handwriting. Don’t ask me how.

But hey, don’t you dare call my parents monsters. They never hit without purpose and their hits were not the kind that would leave massive marks. Also, all the spankings were forgiven when my Daddy would later take me, on his white vespa, to have a ‘Top N Town’ Cornetto Ice-cream in Butterscotch flavour. Thus, spanking also made me go fat.

There is nothing wrong in spanking your child now and then. I have nothing but respect if your child was born as someone who weeps just by a slight rise in your tone but I was not that kind. I was a problem child, who always brought out a defensive smirk on my face whenever I was scolded. Who wouldn’t want to spank that!

I am not promoting violence here or abusing your children to the point of brutality. I know people who use iron box, belts and chairs to hit their little ones and these people need to be behind bars. But for all the others, who are waiting for their kids to outgrow their bad behaviour with age or to build a character on their own, while they try in vain to change them words, my answer is ‘SPANK THEM’, but never too hard. Cruelty should not be seen as a path towards disciplining your child. 

My brother was never hit because he was the kind of kid who would cry buckets on receiving just a scornful look from my Dad. If your child is like that, you my dear are the chosen one.

But if your child is like what I used to be, you now know what to do!


P.S- This is just a personal blog. Expect nothing. I have no creative writing skills. J

112 comments:

  1. You know what RED, I agree with you. 100%. Sometimes a spank is required. Nothing too hurting, mind it. But a light spank is sometimes required to make them understand that what they're doing is wrong. And no, I wouldn't go with spanking as the first option. Talk first, action later is currently my motto with my little toddler. At least in India, we accept this. When I was in London, one of my neighbours actually called child support because one of our other Indian parents lightly spanked their 3 year old son for doing something really naughty. And slightly harmful. Sigh, parenting is hard :(

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    1. You are a good dad!!! Of course spanking is never the first option!! It is the last recourse Thank u for reading!!

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  2. I was the child every couple prayed against.

    Seriously ?? And you tell me that the congo-on-the-bum incident gave you a good handwriting ? :O :O

    Well, red..... I'm just laughing out loud. LOL, sitting at my office desk, and suffering the confused glances from people opposite my desk.
    You've no creative writing skills, Madam. You're honestly original :D :D

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    1. heheh Yes I have an awesome handwriting!! :P
      I am original? So are u sweetheart!

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  3. 'Spare the rod and spoil the child'! I too believe in this Red:)

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  4. I used to get hit too, most times the reason would be fights between me and my sister.. :) and one hour after getting hit we both were treated like princesses.. :) :)
    and yeah.. I have cousins who were so stubborn and got spanked often.. they are such good and well behaved adults now..
    Shucha coot child you were.. choo chwweeet.. :*

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    1. hahaha chalo I was not the only one to be spanked..hehehe!!!
      U r cuter!

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  5. Hahaha, amazing post again Red.

    I was the sweet child who'd cry with a raised voice from dad too. My sister on the other hand was more up your alley.

    I totally agree with spanking on kids. Some of them just need a tight slap. :P

    PS - Any thoughts on how to deal with a difficult person like that who grows up and is your girlfriend, and is about as difficult as all that?

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    1. hahah now of course u cannot spank ur girlfriend...except when being kinky. SIGH!!!
      U wer a sweet child? Now u r just like my brother then!

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    2. Hahaha, obviously that. We're gentlemen now aren't we.

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  6. I am the chosen one. I still am. I think when my husband wants to scream, he goes to the terrace because if he does that at home, I will start weeping. Lol!
    I blame this on my parents. They should have spanked and scolded me so that I could become a little tough. So, yes, spanking is gooood!!!

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    1. hahahahah u blame ur parents for not spanking u? LOLOLOLOLOLO!

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  8. I dont remember being hit by my parents but I was a good child, atleast that's what I say! and I also do not know how far is hitting a child justified. But my god you have been a naughty child :P

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    1. hahaha hitting a child always is not justified. Spanking a child lightly..that too as a last recourse is fine. :P

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  9. All your posts have me cracking up :D Loved this one, Red :) I could so soooo relate to it ;)

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  10. You have been quite an entertaining child, I must say. You parents might disagree. Yeah, true that we need to identify the kid's nature before we decide the route of punishment. If spanking is what's required for the kid to see discipline, there's nothing wrong in it as long as the line stays well afar from cruelty. Only hands. Nothing else. Not too hard but just enough to make the kid see the point. That's the right kind.

    I still am imagining you giving tough times to your parents and laughing at the scenes in my head. :)

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    1. You said it. only hands...that too lightly.
      I was a bad bad child.

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  11. Beating a child loses its deterrent value after a few times.Even raising voice or denying food has similar fate.A gentle NO,a frown or not speaking to the child has very good effect.Parents should practice this

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    1. My parents tried to practice it. But in vain. I was the devil himself.

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  12. I never got any beatings from my parents as I was always the nicest one :)
    Depends on the parental style. Kids may react badly to beatings.

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    1. Ya...depends on the kid too!!!!!

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  13. A spank never harmed anyone :-) I was the sort of child every parent would dream of .. But even then I got my share of spanks. Haven't fared any worse because of them :-)

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    1. you said it. Our parents knew when to spank and when not to. Last recourse always!! Thank u for reading!

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  14. I have been spanked quite a few times, though I think I deserved a lot more, going by the stories my parents narrate.

    But most kids these days are spared the rod and spoilt to the T. So stubborn and adamant they are getting! Gosh!

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    1. hahaha chalo u n me got our share! hahahaa
      Thank u for reading love!

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  15. haha...spanking us was my mom's department and everytime she would spank me and my sister together , even if only one of us was wrong..she said she didn't want to be partial...she's funny that way...one day after spanking us she gave us Rs. 50 for icecream and then took it back in the evening to buy potatoes!! But on a serious not spanking a child sometimes to discipline him is not at all bad..

    Z for Zen-Random Thoughts Naba

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    1. hahahaha...Your mother believes in equality!! Hhahaha!! and My mom sometimes took the money I got for icecream to buy milk for tea :(

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  16. I have been spanked for all the right reasons. Once I called my sister 'patty' and my Mom heard that while she was making dosas. She came in with the wooden spatula still in her hand and gave me ONE on my leg. That wooden thing broke. I have never used words like that since. And I dont hate Mummy. I call her everyday. So yes you are right spanking is good whenever it is necessary.

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    1. Daivame! Spatula broke :( That must have hurt!!!!

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    2. Badly. :-/ However it was required to understand that it was not okay to say Patty. Had she not done that I would have turned out to be a cheapo who said whatever came to my mouth.

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  17. little hit , no way.. I got much worse and to tell you i needed that because if i had not got that i would not be the person i am now.

    I am not saying we need to beat everyday or for everything .. but sometimes it is valid. I think too much fuss is made around kids these days .. because of that its become a Tabooo sort of a thing.

    Look at what is happened , kids are taking weapons to school , day before yeaterday a 15 year old kid , stabbed ot death a teacher here , the teacher was working on her day off , there have been hundreds thousand out there who have come out to say how that teacher was god sent and how she has changed their lives ... yet she was stabbed ...

    and please dont mention the monstrous belly, I get afraid looking at myself in the mirror each day .. good job I dont wear a vest and go out .. dont want to SCAR the kids or others for life .. :)

    Bikram

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    1. I wonder why these cases are so frequent in the west. I now think I knw. Bad upbringing and parents being afraid of their own kids..
      and u got a monstrous belly! I am sure u look cute with it :D Santa has a belly :P

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  18. I was spanked a lot as a child, but I don't think it was ever a true deterrent. Just my opinion :)

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    1. being spanked and being spanked a lot has a difference.

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  19. I have never been hit, by parents teachers or anyone else. And I turned out alright I guess :P

    I know of parents who burn their kids hands, legs etc to teach them a lesson. That is outright cruel. I somehow am against hitting a child. I always feel that we can make them understand without having to beat them. Well I have never had children, maybe that's why it is easy for me to say this.

    But boy, you were quite some terror as a child eh! :P

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    1. I have a relatives who once burned his daughters hand with iron box. Bastard!!! I was never hurt by anything except hands and tht too never too hard
      I was the devil himself.

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  20. I do agree that spanking once in a while may be absolutely necessary. But yes, if it becomes something that is done routinely then it loses its effect. Also the sad part is that these spankings can be sometimes parents' ways of taking out their frustration and scaring the child. And some children are really difficult, I agree :).

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    1. daily routine of spanking shows that the parents do not knw how to raise their kids..Also it is brutality!! Spanking shud never be out f frustration

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  21. Never was spanked and never had to spank. But it depends on the situation and the age of the child. I know what you mean though. Children need to be disciplined once in a while. Who said parenting was easy!

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    1. Sigh..i am not yet a parents but i have littlecousins and boy their poor parents!

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  22. I was never hit as a child, or maybe I was, I can't recall... too many bumps on the head. I am all for that new age punishment thing, like if your child is not listening and wants to go off a ledge, just hold him off a ledge, that bugger wont go in that direction for ages after that. But spanking may work too, never tired that on little children

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    1. hahah i wonder if that would work though!

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  23. I cant remember of being spanked in my childhood..:| .A misbehaved child certainly deserve a hit or two..But it will be always good if parents can be friends with their kids :)

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    1. I am friends with my parents. :D

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  24. For breaking something accidentally, one should not be spanked, but deliberate things done need discipline, spanking if necessary.

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  25. Spanking your child once in a while is OK. While on the subject of spanking, some adults consider spanking as part of the foreplay.

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    1. hahahaha spanking for adults is kinky!

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  26. I hated it. I absolutely hated it and went through a phase of depression because of the beatings. I still hate it but then we need a balance somewhere. If not for my childhood I would not be as headstrong as I am now.

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    1. You are a strong woman. I was hit rarely but I knw i deserved it :P

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  27. Ahhh! I disagree. Out of principle, I generally don't argue on most topics because everyone has a right to their opinions and I have no business pushing my thoughts against someone else's. But this is something I strongly feel against. Forgive me, if I'm irritating :)

    Spanking is like ragging. People who were once at the receiving end, think it's okay to pass it on to the next set as well, with the totally inconclusive justification that they themselves turned out fine.
    How does this prove anything? How does one possibly know that they would have turned out any differently (better or worse) had they not been spanked/ragged? Isn't it just plain conjecture?

    And more importantly, like ragging, the receiver grows to be very scared of the persecutor at least for a brief period. Of course, a large number of people (including myself when I was in college), defend ragging saying that it breaks the ice and brings the students closer. But do we actually need it? I'm sure we've all made friends before, after and during college without ragging playing any part in it. And let's face it, ragging still exists just because seniors want payback, not because they want to make friends. But I digress from the topic at hand.

    Yes, I was spanked as a kid. Forget spanking, I have got the belt, the steel clothes hanger, the hot plate, you name it, me and my brother have got it all. But you know what I did, I just ensured that the next time I repeated whatever it was that I was not supposed to do, my parents didn't find out :)

    That's all spanking does. It invokes fear in you. And of all the people in the world, a child should never fear his/her parents.

    PS: This is the first time I've been on this blog and you right very well. And I again apologize if my longish comment was a dampener. Live long and prosper :)

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    1. This is exactly what I want to say. :)

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    2. And I can't believe I wrote "right" instead of "write"! *bangs head on the wall*

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    3. Hey hey!! They used steel clothes hanger, hot pplate, belt and all that jazz? I was never talking about such stuffs. I specially mentioned just hands and that too never hard. I mentioned that. And spanking is never the first option. It shud be the very last!Spanking is not like ragging. U dont deserve ragging and ragging is down just to feed the senior's superiority complex. Spanking rarely and once in a while as the last option should be seen as a method of correction. The parents here are not trying to show superiority, nor are they spanking the kid when he/she does not deserve it. The kid was warned, spoken to, given other options and yet couldn't be right. So a light spank.
      I do not believe kids grow up to hate parents who spanked them lightly now and then. AGAIN i am not talking abt belts and such stuff. They never used it on me. I never feared my parents. Still don't do.
      Also it depends on the child. My brother never got spanked. I deserved it.And also since I never feared my parents because they were very limited and light with their punishments, I never hid my actions. I stopped kleptomania, I stopped abusing people and it was because my parents brought me up well...including those rare spankings.

      You are more than welcome to leave comments. I love you and respect you for it :D

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    4. Fancy seeing you here Blunt :) ... and I hear you!

      Basically I just scrolled up trying to see if anyone has already said what I wanted to say. Having worked with children, and getting more than my fair share of "spankings" when I was a kid, I have never advocated the idea. I know.. I know you mean well, obviously the parent loves their kid and everything is fine in the universe here and there, but reacting in an act of violence (yes it is, no matter how small), teaches your subconscious that it is OKAY to do so. Which it isn't. Also, this weird notion that being strict / spanking your child makes them "respect" elders does not make any sense. I mean, wouldn't you rather have your child respect you out of love rather than fear of a consequence? :)

      That being said, I've always admired those who can write / act out humor. It's a talent! Hilarious descriptions. :)

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    5. Oooh and btw my sister in law found a way to just use her tone to keep my nieces and nephews in line. Works fabulously minus the physicality. Hahahah! Bringing up kids must be tough work :P

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  28. hahaha.. i will make my mom read this one .. because she still says "tumahre jaisa badmas baacha halogen leke dhundene pe nai milega (one cannot find a brat like me even they search with halogen )" :D.. if actually she did competition was tough :D :D spanking was day to day common affair in my life during my awesome childhood ::D

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    1. hahahaha u and I are at competition now!!!
      You sound like a brat indeed!

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  29. I am kind of against spanking, just scolding the kid is enough. But yes, reading your post reminds me that some kids could be impossible, though I still do not believe in spanking, making them fearful of the end results of their bad deeds is better.

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    1. It totally depends on the child. I was never fearful. I was that bad!

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  30. A bit of spanking is fine, it would teach the child to be disciplined.

    Look at me now, I am so disciplined :p

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  31. I got a lot of beatings from my Mom but never from my Dad. Good post as always :)

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  32. haahaha..nice one. I firmly believe that "Spare the rod and spoil the child". And I had my share as a kid. My husband was a brat and he used to get beaten every other day.

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    1. hahaha...I am sure u and ur husband have fun stories to tell from your childhood times!

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  33. I am nominating (passing on) you for a few chain blog awards. Please check the following link for the same: PointsToPonder

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  34. Woah!! U were such a mischievious kid!! I was never beaten by my dad, his angry eyes or raised voice were enough to scare me. Mom was the one who used to spank me but honestly, except for the few moments of receiving it, I was never angry on her for that. I received less spanks and more of locking in a dark room in the backyard of our home to bring me back to line :D

    Swathi

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    1. You are like my brother. I was too spoilt..I was that bad!!! DARK ROOM!! WTF! I would have died of anxiety :P

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  35. hhahahhahahhahahah!!! You should thank your parents, not for spanking you in particular.. but for giving you such funny memories. :D

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  36. You have tremendous very very powerful writing skills

    lol paper dosa n omelette..you were such a brat ..i would have slapped right there had I been ur mom haha

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    1. hahah my mother has the patience level the height of Mount Everest!

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  37. From my little experience, spanking is required. I too used to get a dose of it. And I guess, that has made me to understand my boundaries and behave well. You look at the teenagers and college kids, you would find half of them don't even know how to talk to their seniors. A little strictness and spanking could teach one how to behave with the elders.

    And this one's a great post again. :D

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    1. YOU SAID IT. Parents these days r a bit scared of their own children! and kids lack respect nw!! Look at us. We r such good kids :P

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  38. I think beating up kids is okay, as long as they understand why they have been beaten up. Just yelling at them and slapping them left right and center does not make any sense. The kid will forget that very soon. But if you make him / her realize why what he / she did was wrong, and needs punishment. . .then beating is fruitful.

    I remember when I was 9 or 10, I stole 5 rupees from my mom's purse. And that was the first time my dad slapped me (My mother had been a regular). . .and it was a big deal. I was threatened to be taken to the police and disowned. I had put the family's name to shame. Haha. Lot of drama. But along with the beating, the 'lesson' was ingrained, infused, injected into me so that I remember it forever. Like I do :)

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    1. True that. Spanking is the last option/. Try to talk it out for the first few times...this is the last recourse!!
      I stole money to buy samosa frm school canteen :P

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  39. God! You seriously was one hell of a problematic child :P

    I remember being hit by Dad more, and just once or twice by Mom, and that too because Dad's short-tempered and so am I :P. But I don't really remember if it really helped. I am still the spoiled-most among my siblings, but still considered 'a good girl' by the outside world :D

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    1. hahaha see u r atleast considered a good girl by the outside world. Must have helped! :P

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  40. hahaha.. even I feel there is nothing wrong in spanking a naughty kid. I was very much like you when I was a kid. Once I went with my grandfather to a restaurant, ordered every possible dish and finally decided I will not eat any of them. For kids like me, spanking is necessary :)

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    1. hahahahah I did the same by going to the icecream shop...Thank u for reading!!!

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  41. I liked what you wrote. You were kind of cute :) In all probabilitly, you still are.

    That apart, there is nothing... Nothing... Nothing. that puts the whole punishment thing in perspective with the 'deserving' bit. You start hitting a kid when you fail to find solution to your problems- and there is no other way of looking at it. The lesser competent parents are, harsher are the punishments. And, I have read the research papers who support my understanding.

    PS- I was never hit, nor yelled at. Turned out fine :)

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    1. Hitting a child at the drop of a hat is not something to be proud of. Light spankings when the need arises is all I am talking about. Also it depends on the child. U r like my brother. He too is turning out fine. I wouldnt have :P

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    2. You are smart, for sure :)
      PS- appalling grammatical mistakes in my comment :( Drunk that night. So...

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  42. I've been quite a naughty child and Mom spanked me for the right reason. It's essential to correct a child who goes wrong so that he or she grows up in a way to be more respectful. Haan! I was pampered by Dad but with Mom its a firm NO. The spanking helped me to be a lil more discipline in life and be respectful towards others, but the word 'discipline' is debatable in my case.
    Cheerz

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    1. Hhaha atleast u got respect! Disclipline...well I am sure age disciplined u!

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  43. Well, Apparently being spanked from your parents making you think that it is alright to get spanked.

    We have reason to believe your kids will spanked too. :)

    Instead of thinking beyond that approach. Give it a thought.

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    1. I wont spank my kids unless my words and my warning don't work. And I am not a crazy person to hurt them bad. Light spanking.

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  44. Frankly, I am glad you made it clear that we can spank you once in a while. Is it reason enough to spank that you stopped visiting my blog? x-( :D :D

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    1. Iooo nnono...I am on my way. Also please update ur blog :D

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  45. I m still laughing imagining the 'lungi run.' :P

    You were really naughty, just like my brother.

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    1. hahaha my Dad wears lungi at home :P

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  46. I was stubborn... incredibly stubborn but a scolding was enough to stop my non sense :P yup somehow my parents didn't have any trouble in managing me :P it was my brother who got lots of spanking :P I agree, a little bit of spanking is required. When I see kids, running uncontrolled, destroying things on the way, I pity the parents and at the same time feel frustrated at their inability to control their children.

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    1. You were a beautiful child..I was satan himself...

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  47. You have a wicked sense of humor and sarcasm..i like!!

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  48. I say, if your child is being an obnoxious brat, spank away and fix him before I decide to come running after it with a chappal in my hand!
    But, personally, I would never spank my own, just like I was never smacked by my old folks. Though, that might have been because I was a divine child handcrafted by the Maker Himself! :-P

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    1. hahaha you will do that? run behind with a chappal? hahahah!!
      And I am sure you were a divine child handcrafted by the maker himself. I was a monster child handcrafted by Satan!

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  49. I was the chosen one. Cried at the raise of a voice and now, I guess I make my husband cry with my voice raise. :D

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    1. hahahahahahaha poor poor husband of yours! :P

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  50. I never needed a spank but there wwere moments when my dad showed anger on some toy for which me and my bro fought. Then I cried and felt spank wud hav been better !
    By the way that PS made me laugh that u have no creative skills !
    Again a cool post

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    1. hahaha my dad did that too...sigh! Those were the days.

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  51. Spare the rod and spoil the child? :) Actually I do agree (Not about your being spank-worthy as a kid, necessarily, since I do not know enough to agree about that :) ) but that corporeal punishment may be necessary, and even useful, PROVIDED it is done ONLY when necessary AND in moderation.

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  52. lol, i remember getting spanked for not uttering out ABCD's properly, for drawing on walls and what not, and specially for never shutting up that i would go to the police if they spanked me again and in return i would be blessed with another one..:P but coming to think of it as you said those spankings were necessary (not the brutal ones ofcourse).

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  53. What?? There are parents who don't spank their kids.?? What kinda parents are they.? My dad had bamboo sticks hidden at strategic places to spank and my mom had her ladle and rolling-pin. I turned out just fine, almost. :D

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  54. LOL!! I agree.. a light spank or at least the scare of a spanking is required. I'm sure when I have my child that's how its going to be!
    I was a troublesome child as well! Sigh! My mom's dearest wish and revenge is that I have a child like me!! :P

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  55. Wen did the last time u got a spank? I remember mine....when I was in 12th.... Hahahaaa.... The most problematic child ever

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  56. Wow you were quite the rebel, eh?

    xo
    Hopelessly Hopeful
    http://welcometomypartypeople.blogspot.in/

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Spit It Out I Say !!!