Thursday, 8 May 2014

ANTI- RAPE MAKEUP.


Be it the internet, television, newspaper or even the dying radio, they are all flooded with news regarding rapes. Statistics regarding rape, documentaries about rape survivors, updates on candle light march against rape, uproar against rape and blaming the government for rape, are what we feed our system with on a daily basis. More than the uproar against rape, we are more bombarded these days with the justifications for rape. How women act like a catalyst and how she attracts an Iron filled rapist like a magnet. While a Maharashtra state women’s commissionmember states that a woman’s clothes, her behaviour and her presence at inappropriate places causes rape, another ex Mumbai police commissioner confirms that countries with sex education in their curriculum have an increased number of crimes against women. Then there is a Rajasthan lawmaker demanding ban on skirts as school uniform to keep girls away from the ‘lustful gazes’ of men and there is also a Khap Panchayat leader who vouches that Chowmein causes rape. Since we have successfully blamed a woman for her lustful gaze, her short skirt, her inclination towards wearing jeans, towards owning a mobile phone and on loitering around the city with the man she loves, it is only but fair to cover a topic that has been left unattended. A woman’s makeup, because in case you did not know, they have even brought out an anti rape underwear.

It is only but reasonable to now believe that even a woman’s makeup causes rape. It could be the smokey eyes or those lip stains or even that winged eyeliner, you never know what could be the reason behind your impending doom. So before you make such a catastrophic mistake, I take it upon me as my moral responsibility to introduce you to an ‘Anti-Rape Makeup’.

Start with a clean face because apparently, only women with dirty and loose character get raped. Thus, always clean your face so that it reflects your clean character. No excuses there. Now that you have a clean soul, follow the below steps.

Primer- Many women forget to apply primer before layering their face with makeup and this has been the main cause of rape. A primer evens out the skin tone, minimizes pores and provides a smooth base for all your makeup. Without a primer, your makeup will wash away in a matter of few hours, thus exposing the real you. Exposing or Nangapan causes rape.

Foundation- Invest on a good foundation that matches your skin tone. Manohar Lal Sharma, the lawyer who represented the Delhi rape case accused, claims that ‘Even an underworld don would not like to touch a girl with respect’. Having a strong foundation in life brings respect. So apply a good thick layer of foundation. I use Revlon Colour Stay in Natural Tan.

Concealer- Conceal everything you possibly can. Blemish, dark circles, hyper pigmentation and even moles, cover it all. Cover everything that sets you apart and hide everything including your basic wishes or dreams, because yet again, exposing causes rape. Women without concealer get raped. Use a waterproof concealer and I recommend Chambor Radiant Touch up concealer.

Blush- Select your blush carefully. Skip those common colours like Peach, Coral, Pink or Brick Red and go for deep colours like Black or Dung green. Apply a generous layer of this dark blush on your cheeks since this will make you look like a soldier camouflaging his way through the battle ground. Stepping out of your place like a Kargil soldier will prevent rape. I am still on the search for a dung green blush. Lakme needs to come up with that.

Lipstick- Nude lipsticks are for western women. We as protectors of Indian culture should abhor nude lipsticks. Any form of nudity can cause rape including going nude on the lips. You could choose a bright button red, saffron, white or blue lipstick since it might remind the rapist of a political party and thus rescue you from rape.

Eyeliner and Mascara- Tightline and waterline your eyes. You need to set and mark the boundaries of your eyes because a Madhya Pradesh minister once said ‘Only when Sitaji crossed the Lakshman rekha, she was kidnapped by Ravan. If Sitaji crosses the Lakshman rekha, then ‘Sitaharan’ is bound to happen as Ravans are  out there.’ So use your eyeliner diligently and mark your boundaries. Use your favourite mascara to enhance the fences on your boundaries. I use Maybelline Colossal Kajal and Rimmel London The Max Volume Mascara.

Now that you have successfully applied the ‘Anti Rape Makeup’, takes a tissue and do the next best thing you can do and that is to wipe it all off. Because if women need an Anti rape makeup, men need an Anti rape thought process. If women need an anti rape underwear, men require an anti rape penis binder. If women need to forgo skirts to escape rape, men need to start wearing high moral standards. Women cannot escape rape until men allow them to.

I am not saying that the makeup I recommended won’t work. All I am saying is, pepper spray is still your best friend. But in case someone does carry out an attempt to rape you, take the good God’s name and hold the hand of perpetrator and say ‘I consider you as my brother’, because according to a self proclaimed Godman, this will work just fine.


Be safe. Initiate a trip back to Venus..

Image Courtesy- GOOGLE OF COURSE. 

114 comments:

  1. Ha Ha ... Red! Hope at least some solutions work here as the situation keeps getting nastier by the day:)

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    1. Thank you for being the first to read.

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  2. The post is hilarious Red...but it is so saddening to read about rape. Seriously.

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    1. It is sad indeed. Thank u for reading.

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  3. They should also tell us how to oil our hair and polish our nails because our tresses distract them and the color on our nails show how bold (read: easy) we are.

    Excellent take, Red. A slap on the face of these stupid people. "If women need to forgo skirts to escape rape, men need to start wearing high moral standards." - A message that is taking eons to reach out.

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    1. Yes we should shave our heads and never paint our nails.
      Thank you so much for reading!

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  4. True...Noone said anything about make up ! :D Lol Terrific interpretation of the nude lipstick ! :D

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    1. Thaaaaaaank U anitaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

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  5. Dung green? Hahaha! :)

    I love how you have dealt with the disturbing comments our so called leaders and law makers pass, so casually. Superb take, Red!

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    1. Yes we need to be as alert as soldier on LOC.
      Thanks for reading babe!

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  6. "You could choose a bright button red, saffron, white or blue lipstick since it might remind the rapist of a political party and thus rescue your from rape " !

    Seriously, Red. Hats off to you for this post. It is high time we started wearing anti-rape makeup.

    Probably we should stop leaving our hair open. It is not just the evil eye that's waiting to fall on us, the lust we create is waiting to bounce back on us from the darkest of corners, lured by the long hair and full lips.

    Perhaps we can try having a not-so-full bosom also. Why lure them maniacs !

    Yeah , no nude nail polishes and neutral colours for lipsticks. Nudity is a sin :D :D

    A pity, that the 3 and 4 year old girls who're raped didn't know about this. After all, the fault is with women only, as always.
    And yes, do let me know when you get the dung green blush :D :D :D

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    1. It is sad indeed when 3 or 4 yr olds are made victims. What did those little ones expose.
      The mentality of the perpetrator is the only thing that needs to be blamed.

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  7. Next they might ask us to remove all female parts so as not to entice the holy men!! Sigh!!

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  8. kudos on writing a satirical post on a highly sensitive topic. I loved every bit of it! I am reminded of a quote from 'thousand splendid suns'

    Nana to her daughter Mariam- "like a compass needle always points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman.Always." How true, unfortunately!

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    1. I did read that book and indeed it falls in place!! Women shall and will always be blamed. Thank u for reading!

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  9. Satire and how! I loved this write up! So so hard hitting with your obvious "red-handed" charm! :)
    Super post! :)

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    1. Thank u Mi!!!! I am glad you liked it.

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  10. Such a sensitive topic and you managed to offend none!! Such an achievement. . I always wanted to ask these people who say wearing jeans or skirt causes rape if they see a girl wearing either of them will they attempt to rape the girl?

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    1. Exactly because if they do want to attempt, we need to chain them down like dogs.

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  11. good way to mock our good for nothing politicians sorry hooligans and their statements. Even if the anti rape make up was written in a funny tone felt sad !

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    1. Yes...it is indeed sad when you get to hear such pointless justifications in favour of rape. Thank u for reading!

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  12. I wonder why no one ever said, 'We will castrate all men who rape'. Let every man who rapes be destined to Lord Varys' fate. Inequality much.?? After all it's logical to plug the hole than build a dam for the leak.

    But seriously speaking, this is like an epidemic that is going to take a lot of effort and time to eradicate. Unless people understand that raping someone doesn't prove anything other than they are assholes, nothing's gonna happen. God! Talking about these things depresses me.

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    1. Yes,if only the mentality was brought into light than the morals or the character of the women. Thank you so much for reading!

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  13. *Claps* thank you so so much for this one. Just thanks.

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    1. And Thank you for reading and appreciating. :)

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    2. It would be amusing to see how you r gonna kick their ASS each day once you legally start practicing law!!!!!!!

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  14. *gets up and claps*

    Brilliant.

    But I won't be surprised even if someone suggests anti-rape make-up on a serious note.

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    1. I won,t be surprised too. :D
      Thanks PeeVee!

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  15. It isn't funny when you read the undertone. I know exactly what you intended to communicate, life in general can be a mean human being. Women know it best..

    Richa

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    1. I am glad you realized the undertone and appreciated it. Thanks!!!! :)

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  16. i can't tell how much I loved your post. This topic is very close to my heart and you have handled it so superbly. Past the humour, I could feel your underlying emotions...

    PointsToPonder

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    1. I am so happy you liked it. Thanks for reading love!

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  17. With age I am learning that it is difficult to bring change. Not in the world, even in myself. But no matter how hard or near-impossible it is, we need to change the way we are bringing up boys. As a copassenger in a train ride very rightly said: "We are all perverts".

    Unless we can do that, I am afraid there will be "newer" reasons for raping. In some villages in UP, upper caste men tell lower caste people to keep their daughters (even 8 years, 10 years) inside since their "manliness" can't control itself.

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    1. Being a pervert is fine until you restrict that to inside your mind. But when you start acting on it. THEN NO!
      Manliness means being a good human being. Not a horny lion on the loose.

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  18. Oh please! Anti rape underwear? Are they joking? Kill me before I kill them. -_-

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  19. Bouahahhaha!!! RED! Dung green blush;) Oh my...get me one too! And please don't forget to get me one antirape penis binder :P Hahaha!!

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    1. I think I will have to buy lots of penis binders. DUNG GREEN BLUSH is the need of the hour.

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  20. Oh no .. I am sure you know my views already on this , having read and commented on my blog.
    it is utterly disgusting and what is more atrocious is the leaders making such statements as I heard during my trip to india and MUCH MORE ATROCIOUS is the millions of people who still VOTE for them and follow the BABA's ...

    I wonder what can be done ..

    Bikram

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    1. Yes people still believe in them and follow them and accept their justifications.

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  21. seriously!! men needs to raise their morals instead of pointing finger at women!! loved this post! nice touch of sarcasm there. hats off to u red for this brilliant piece :)

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    1. Thank you for reading babe!!! Men do need to raise their morals before pointing finger at women!

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  22. Subtly but surely you've made your point. If only people realized the depth of these words and the sarcasm used to garnish it. Very well-written. My first visit here and I'm quite impressed. Sharing it for the sake of my friends who care about the cause.

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    1. Welcome to my humble blog and thankyou for appreciating the intent behind this post.
      Glad you shared :)

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  23. Hahahaha but this thing is required for sure - anti rape penis binder.



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  24. You made your point Red.
    Powerful and sarcastic!

    My first visit here and I'm glad Rekha shared this one :)

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    1. How I loved your chain story!! That was brilliant. You are brilliant woman!

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  25. The message is subtle but very clear.
    Women are always to blame . and who is blaming the women? It's the men who say so.............

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    1. yes yes!! We are to blame for everything under the sun!

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  26. Red, I'm not sure what kind of lawyer you are, but if your lawyer-ing is any bit like your writing, then I bet you are absolutely brilliant at that too. This is powerful stuff delivered in the "Red-Handed" style that I've come to love and admire.

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    1. haha now that a goooooooooooooood compliment. I am full now. :D Thank you for appreciating the undertone of this one.
      I am a junior lawyer as of now. Started 4 months back. :)

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  27. Awesome! I loved this one. Just wish all those people who think it a girl's fault if she gets raped read this.

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  28. those are dance of democracy .. you cant help them .. people like that are most socially backward and morally ill people ! loved the way you brought the sarcasm to tell so may things .. awesome post :)

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    1. dance of democracy...what a term! Brilliant!
      Thanks for reading mate!

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  29. This really is another example of blaming the victim isn't it?? I like how you're calling attention to the sillyness of this.

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  30. So ironically funny. My only fear is some idiot shouldn't take it seriously, given their extremely low, nearly non-existant IQ levels! :D

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    1. Now I never thought of that!!Actually they could take this seriously!

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  31. If only those idiots would get sarcasm! Superbly penned!

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  32. Oh yes, those idiots deserve every bit of what you have said. It's highly ridiculous that they even dare to shift this on to women.

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    1. Ridiculous indeed!Thanks for reading Keirthana.

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  33. A loud applause for you girl on this fabulous post. It made me laugh and it made me cringe.

    The thoughts just pierced through me and conveyed exactly everything that the satire intended to. Hats off to you.

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    1. Thanks babe for appreciating this one. :)

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  34. Hahaha! I was about to suggest a pepper spray deo but you beat me to it :)

    Rape happens so frequently because we have so many who condone rapists.

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    1. pepper spray deo! Damn my underarms burn at the thought of it..Maybe only for men ok :P

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  35. Penis binder? ROFLMAO.

    Dung green blush? ROFLMAO again.

    As hilarious as this post is, it has a lot of meaning. I hope everyone out there reads this post.

    Thanks for writing this Red. You rock!

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    1. Hheh thanks Leo for liking this one! Dung green blush indeed!!!

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  36. hahaha
    You are CRazzzYYYY Red and I sooper loved the title and ofcourse the post too..I did read all of it..trust me

    anti rape underwear gosh...what does it has bombs that would blast when touched

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    1. I am Crajeeeee indeeeed!! Crajee kiya re!
      Damn..bombs!! What are we underwear wearing suicide bombers?

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  37. how true Red... Why should women walk around with anti-rape condoms with teeth. Men should wear their standards and morals high as you said..:)
    Such an irony, no? Such disgrace humanity...:(

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    1. exactly!!!! Its the men at fault.

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  38. As you finally concluded there is no better ally than pepper spray.I would add chilli powder,pins,razor blade,a scalpel and a Karate kick ,the usage of which item is to be determined by the intensity of threat.Stunning the rogue is the first step for escape.I would also say discretion is better part of valor and try to avoid getting caught alone.

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    1. wow..yes actually we would need all that. Just like a trekker going into the wilderness!

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  39. Pfft! Is that why women take so much time to dress up and still complain that they haven't done anything? Pile it all up and wipe it down. I didn't know that many layers need to be applied for the perfect make up. Even my house walls use less, at best, a foundation and then the paint or distemper.
    But I forget, nobody rapes walls (except peeing on public ones, especially by men, does that count as rape of walls?). We definitely need somebody to shut up, right now, the most suitable candidates seem to be the ministers and (Sar)panches and ignoramuses who know not what they speak but think whatever they speak is the truth. Their confidence is actually dangerous.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    1. Confidence is truly dangerous. Now let us wait and watch what happens.

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  40. Itna kharcha? Would be cheaper if guys bought blinders for themselves.

    I actually LOLed through this, but this post left me a lil ashamed and riddled with a sense of guilt, coz no guy can ever claim that he's never looked lustfully at a girl :|

    - CRD

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    1. Lusting is fine..acting on it is not.

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  41. Ha ha.... liked that dung green blush.

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  42. wow wow..that's a very witty write up!!

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  43. Anti-rape underwear.. gosh! What else is left for a girl to do to prevent rape?!?

    Though the problem lies in the mindset of always-blame-the-girl, it gets accentuated to a great extent when the leaders give their abhorring opinions on this issue.

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    1. ya...this constant blabbering and ugly opinions need to end..Also the mindset needs to change

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  44. This is something that gives shame..that instead of understanding the situation people comment this sh*t
    So deep thought...loved this post..

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  45. It's pathetic when our leaders and so called 'gurus' come up with such callous remarks on rape. Your post, though marked with humor, has a deep undertone. It's time we stop blaming the victims for rape, and instead look at how the mindset of the society can be changed.

    You are a remarkable writer. Your words carry power.

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    1. I am so glad you liked this one. You have been generous with your words :)

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  46. A sensitive topic indeed and felt quite sad to read it actually. But thee intensity of the topic has been well balanced with such a writing style as yours. I think you are an amazing writer.

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    1. And I think you are truly kind!!!

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  47. Excellent clever post.
    What a sorry state of affairs that (some) males think women 'ask to be raped' and this thought, this belief lies comfortably on their conscience.
    This mentality is better suited to the dark age...
    Anna :o]

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    1. I think some men and politicians do live in the dark age while the entire world came out of it!

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  48. Our men need anti rape mental makeup that makes them treat every woman with respect irrespective of the length of her skirt and the depth of her cleavage. And those who refuse to change should be sent to UP. Mulayam Singh will protect them all.

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    1. hahahaha...yes indeeeeed!! Women are more than that!

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  49. Loved the way you tackled this topic Red.. its a shame that this happens in our country and its worse when you know nothing will ever change

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  50. Lol, personally I felt the anti rape underwear was too much. Reminded me of that movie meet the spartans. The woman wears a metal underwear with a lock.lmao.
    And politicians are known for their bullshit, they can't help themselves. Shop they need help and need to get well. Mental hospitals required no ;)

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    1. damn!! How did I not think of it..SPARTAN UNDERWEAR.LOL
      Mental hospitals need to open a special cell for these politicians.

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  51. I liked the intelligent use of double entendre in this piece. It brought out your point so forcefully.
    But, we are a nation of morons. We will still not get it.

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    1. I am sure you did . Lets hope others do too :D

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  52. It's really terrifying to think that these kinds of people cannot be reasoned with. All we can do is wait for them to die off and allow for a more intelligent and educated generation to take over.

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    1. Was scares me is that they have children tat they bring up with the same mentality.

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  53. I reiterate. You're better wielding the pen/keyboard than a black coat. :)

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  54. I would like to apply that makeup to mulayam's maa, behen, beti, bahu.....coz ladko se galtiyaan ho jaati hain.. Maaf to karna hoga na

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  55. // Women cannot escape rape until men allow them to.// ufff kiya bola kiya bola !!! mai mar jawa
    I just love your posts girl :)

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  56. It will be amusing to see u kick their butts daily when u legally begin practice!!!!!!

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  57. Such a lovely post! Intelligent post, Red :)

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  58. Beautiful post. Intelligently crafted, Red.

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Spit It Out I Say !!!