Monday, 19 May 2014

PERIOD POPULARITY....


She got the period. She told me herself. She got the period!!!! “ and with those words I became the most popular girl of junior high.

I was in 6th grade when I got welcomed to the kingdom of muliebrity. Panties replaced bloomers and suddenly I was a woman!! My mother wept while my father fed me sweets and I was told that I am now a woman! I was sure I had cancer and I would be dead soon. Turns out, I am still alive.

I went to school and told my best friend I have caught the Period disease. Period, the existence of which was only a rumour till now, was suddenly a fact and I was the discoverer. I was the first to get the Stayfree disease.

The kids started pouring around me with doubts regarding the ‘Period’. Questions ranged from “Will you have the breasts now?”, “Why don’t I get the Periods? Am I a man?” to even “Is the period blue in color like in the Whisper Ad?”. I answered all of them diligently and patiently. A girl who was made fun of because of her differently coloured eyes was suddenly on the spotlight. Happy Period indeed it was! I felt like a war hero who survived a battle and was surrounded by people who needed the story!

I also was the drug  pad lord, forever equipped with a pad in my bag lest some other kid caught ‘the period’ and I also gave a few pieces to those who were curious to see the thing. I exchanged it for a ball point pen. Rotomac only.

During those days, especially since I was in a convent school, sex ed classes were held now and then. For the first time, the 6th grade students were invited to hear the seminar on 'The Butterfly Story-THE PROCESS OF A GIRL BECOMING A WOMAN'. The counselor called the oldest teacher of our school to wear a chart around her neck that showed the drawing of female body parts. There was our aged teacher with dye stains on her forehead standing on the podium, wearing a chart that depicted the insides of a woman’s private parts.  While the counselor lectured, all my classmates looked at me as if I was the dead body on the autopsy table and the counselor was the doctor dissecting my very existence. I was the only butterfly between a pack of caterpillars. I smirked and nodded my head to display my superiority, while the other kids looked at me with awe. I was the Period girl.

But with time everyone got their period and suddenly the spotlight was no more on me. I was now just one among them. The girl who sits on the third bench. The weird eye color girl.

SIGH! How life snatches away your crown and pushes you back to normalcy.

Maybe menopause will make me famous again. That is my only hope.

P.S- WEIRD MODE ON..

139 comments:

  1. OMG :D :D *Gets up from the floor , trying to suppress fresh bursts of laughter, dusts her hand on her shirt*
    ( Ok, that was exaggeration, but you got it , right ? :P)
    Periods ! I remember, I was among the lasts in my class to get mine, as I was younger to most of my classmates by a little more than a year :D And biology classes suddenly became interesting after this :D You know that " we know it now, you can't tell us whisper is a medicine for stomachache" phase :D :D

    Is there anything you won't use to churn a post out of :D :D

    ReplyDelete
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    1. HAHAHAHAH the time when you know that your mother had been lying to you about pads. hehehe
      Thank you for reading babe!

      Delete
  2. Look, you so famous now :) You are so weird.. :*

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    1. WEIRD...heheheh indeed!
      Thanks babe for reading!

      Delete
  3. hahahahah :D :D

    I was one of the late ones!! and I know how we hovered around the one who had got hers first.. :D :D

    And your teacher really put on that get up?? hahahah..we had a proper video session for sex education! :D well it was fun ;)

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    1. Oh u were the late one eh? SIGH..I miss my fan girls :(

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  4. Loooool....I remember that seminarred....(red indeed) :P

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    1. hahahaha....u were there too as a witness!

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  5. OMG! Red, you are awesome. Your frankness draws people to your posts! Wow! I just couldn't stop laughing!

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    1. now that was cute of you. Thank u!

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  6. Lol I got mine pretty late..eighth grade I guess..haha I remember the convent school sex-edu classes. *sigh*

    No no menopause is far :p being blog famous is better no?:p

    ReplyDelete
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    1. 10th grade! damn I was an expert of the menses by then! LOL!

      Delete
  7. ARE you SERIOUSLY GREEN EYED?????? I just thought that was fascination and obsession of the color... HOLY LORD, GREENNN EYYED and oh yes, the post :P :P :P Takes lot to write like this :P :P I am a little tight lipped on the topic but you glamorized it like it is such a hot shot celeb thing :P Your blog has gone to my bookmarks now and yes, love you two three four five and more.

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    1. HEHEHE YES GREEN EYED ONLY...
      I LOVE YOU SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN!!

      Delete
  8. He he, I was neither the first nor the last. So nothing to make it special but still it got awkward for me since mine was a co-ed school and the guys noticed the long absence. Took quite a while to convince them I had typhoid and nothing else was the issue :P

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    1. Hahah thankfully I was in a convent all girls!!!

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  9. Your blog inspires me to write about how I learnt about masturbation in 6th standard.. it was very funny thing to happen.. the guy who let us in on the secret behaved like the king of the world.. we used to give him all the samosas as tribute! Alas, that won't be my story to tell.. :)
    P.S. you're weird, I like you!

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    1. hahahah now that is hilarious...hahah SAMOSA for teaching. LOL!

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    2. And you won't believe it.. but his method did not yield desirable results! :|

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  10. Seriously Red, I was wondering of what to comment except that you highlighted the enigma of a 6th std girl so well in this post:)

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  11. You are mad...do you know that? I am laughing my ass off. I got them in 10th standard...i think one of the last ones. But I know many war heroes like you :)

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    1. 10th standard damn!! I was an expert by then :P

      Delete
  12. You know there was a time when I used to sidle up surreptitiously into pharmacies and ask for sanitary napkins. After a decade I did it in a matter of fact way. Now with menopause around the corner I wonder how I should do it :) ? It is now menopause talk among all of us who at one time used to ask " Hey did you get your chums" :) It should be called " Stages in a woman's life"

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    1. Ah...well it would be a beautiful stage too..

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  13. I got mine in 6th grade too. Hi-5 Red! :D

    There was a girl who had got hers in the 5th grade and she was looked upon like an alien. And that's why, I never told anyone until 8th grade. This brought back so many memories. :)

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    1. Wow..thank God I was not in ur school.. :P

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  14. Haha. I remember this time. When the girls were called in a hall to see some unknown movie while the boys played basketball. :D
    And I got mine in 6th grade too :D.
    This post just made me remember that I have my date coming in two days :'(

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    1. hahah we did not have boys so it was funny. we even got a free pad and an orange at the end of it.DONT KNOW THE CONNECTION!

      Delete
  15. LOL...! Rotomac !! hahahha
    You waiting for menopause ah? LOL there are other ways to be famous...pssst I will tell you in private :D
    LOL post!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. TELL ME..I SAY TELL IT TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

      Delete
  16. Holy cow! How do you turn all of this in a funny post? Kudos girl!
    "Maybe menopause will make me famous again. That is my only hope." - This cracked me up!

    And you sent me back in time when our school invited doctors and counsellors to hold seminar on the "transition phase". Embarrassing day those were! I got mine in 8th grade. The same day I started wearing specs. What a co-incidence! I also remember the date :p

    One more thing I feel like saying.
    Now after a decade, I am totally cool with the so called monthly curve ball my body throws at me.
    I think if Mom and teachers didn't make period sound scary and problematic, it would have taken it with positivity right from the start. Too bad it took me 5 years to realize the fact how wonderful my body feels when it gets over!

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    1. Exactly...if the period thing was not hush hushed and was actually discussed in the open, life would have been better!!

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    2. Like they say, better late than never. Life is better now :)
      Me and my bestie crack silly (not dirty) jokes on this thing in code language..We are 2 weirdos who wish each other happy anniversary! Is that creepy? :D

      Delete
  17. oh my god!! i almost died laughing!! i can so well identify with all this period madness..having studied in an all girls' school!!

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  18. "Is the period blue in color like in the Whisper Ad?" Seriously? :O

    Rotomac only. Hahaha, I remember a guy in 7th grade asking me if pads can be used on sweat! I was shocked cos I hadn't got my period yet in the first place! I was a late bloomer. I got mine during the summer vacations before 8th grade.

    Lets hope menopause makes you more famous than you already are!

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    1. HAHAH PADS ON SWEAT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHHA OH SWEET LORD!!!!!

      FINGERS CROSSED!

      Delete
  19. Even I was sure I had cancer!!! And for your sake I hope you don't become the menopause woman!! Maybe the Red who never stopped? Oh ya, weird mode on!!!

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    1. Ouch..RED WHO NEVER STOPPED. That would make me world famous.

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  20. yeah the PS is right.. WEIRD MODE ON .. :) yeah I am in now ..

    menopause well .. long way to go there yet .. you are popular as such .. so why want an excuse to be more :)
    I should be saying remember me.. thats how popular you are .. :)

    Bikram

    ReplyDelete
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    1. OH YOU ARE ONE OF MY FAAAAAAAAAAAVOURITE BLOGGERS.
      I will forever and ever remember u!!

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  21. I got to know about menstrual cycles when I was in 1st PU(11th grade). I had all kinda misconceptions till then, even about sex. I thought women pissed involuntarily during the periods, that is why they needed the pads. And when I learnt about the actual thing I was a little grossed out(I was young and naive) and mighty shocked. I wondered how women didn't die due to bleeding. But in the end it made me respect the opposite sex little bit more. Tell any man that he is going to bleed from his dick, 3 days a month, for the next few decades, I'm pretty sure he's gonna faint. :-)

    Good one Red. Like I always tell myself, "Blessed be the person who can make fun of themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused". Cheers to being much more famous. :-)

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    1. MY GOD your misconceptions are horrible!! But we all have gone thru it. I had no idea of the existence of period until I got it. It was crazy!!

      You are kind Sir...very kind. :D

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  22. Way before my school scheduled those seminars, I used to believe that the pads were basically fancy diapers for women. I'm not even sure when I got my first period but I remember it only too well because I thought I had well, crapped in my underpants. And while I dealt with me failing my military style potty training, my mother told me not to worry because it was only blood. Again, the idea of blood involuntarily leaking out of my body grossed me out so thoroughly that I used to fly into fits of rage every time I got my period, all the way till tenth. Now I think it was probably PMS.

    Can't say I loved becoming a woman all of a sudden. Am 22 and I relate more to sloths and cats than to humans. Just saying.

    Loved this post as I have loved all your past posts. And you don't need menopause to be famous. Basically, you already are. :D

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    1. hahah fancy diapers...I dint even know thr existed pads. I lived under a rock I think.....
      I relate to sloths and dogs!! Hi5

      Delete
  23. Lol...can't believe you brought this to all of us..it's really girls personal taboo. And you are seriously tolerating it since you were just 12. I got mine when I was in 9th. Still then I had cried for the awkwardness of wearing something with flappy ears that keeps budging here and there. And not to forget the cramp and mood swings that temporarily converts me to ninja mode( I feel like punching every boy before me!!!).

    Just like always you are incredible.

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    1. flappy ears lol....I never got cramps until now. What pure hell!

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  24. ....O_O...Erm...I never could have imagined that periods could be given such reverence. I was taught to never reveal 'that' fact so even if girls started on that topic I would stealthily take my leave. :-P I got to see a whole new perspective today. :D

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    1. We need to talk about it more!!!! It is kept so hush hush

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  25. ROFL, Red!

    'Is the period blue in color like in the Whisper Ad?' How very misleading! Let's sue them for misleading content.

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    1. we definitely should. huh! My brother thought it was used to remove ink frm his inkpen

      Delete
  26. hahaha I got it when I was in the 6th standard too.... And I thought I would have to wear the pads every day of my life!! Ofcourse, my sister made it difficult with her constant knocking at the bathroom door when I went in with a pad... I hated it since the beginning and now on those days I can even beat up a person such is the extent of my mood swings!

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    1. we become hulk during our chumS I feel

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  27. cute! I would love to use your humor ammunition in court (do you?)

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    1. hehe I forget English grammer in court. sigh :(

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  28. LMAO. You tell such funny stories Red. :)

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  29. Hehehe....LOL....such a funny post. But, I know what you are saying...my mom cried too...don't know if I will cry too when my daughter gets her period. I think I still have few more years for that ..let me not worry now.
    I know how girls flock around to know when you are the only one with periods.
    I always hated periods and now god got rid of them completely for me..I think that needs a post :)

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    1. u got rid of them? eh? menopause!!
      I miss the limelight.

      Delete
  30. I wonder why they call it Period when its a just a beginning of a long tryst with stains and pain.

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    1. now the nation deserves an answer

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  31. hehehe I am still laughing at the thought of your teacher wearing a chart around her neck :P :P

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    1. Everytime i think of it, I do too :P

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  32. :D
    Indeed it's the Weird Mode on!
    I mean, what really pushed you to write this? This was so damn (periodically) hilarious :D

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    1. i dont know...maybe because I am PMSing. :P

      Delete
  33. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
    I love you!

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  34. :D I was wayy to uncomfortable with those stupid pads on to bother about being know-it-all :P

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    1. I was a diva in pads...yes!!! btw update ur blog

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  35. This was so funny! We had a Biology teacher who threatened us that if we so much as giggled while she taught the topic of Reproductive system, she will have our hide. You can imagine the knowledge we gained.

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    1. hahahaha....I had too many doubts during those classes...which later got me to stand out!

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  36. I can't imagine anything remotely similar with guys. Popping an erection mid-class would probably result in mockery.

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  37. Seriously Red this one was awesome!!! Still chuckling! ;)

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  38. I can see your weird mode on, :) I always think how can you write such a real things in a nice funny manner... Loved it

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    1. hehe weird mode yes!!!well, I love self deprivation.

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  39. Chuckling wouldn't be the right word for this. ROFL'arious more like it. As someone right said, Red, you're weird. And i love that. So it's a good weird :)

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    1. hehe thank u for reading...I need to write something that makes sense.

      Delete
  40. Interesting to know you had sex ed classes in India. I was not aware of that. I was always in a co-ed so all such topics were hush-hush. I had my periods pretty late, when i was in 8th, so probably I was one of the last ones.

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    1. it was discussed in the open here because it was all girls.

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  41. Love your humor in dealing with a serious subject.

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  42. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! This brought back so many memories! Wow.

    I was the exact opposite! I got my period in the 9th grade.... It was embarrassing to know everything about it, sit in a 8th grade sex-ed class and be the one that sheepishly admits that she has NOT got it yet! Back then my bestest friend (there were multiple best friends :P) and I used to go to the washroom together like it was some trip, and I clearly remember coming out and going "YES YES YES!!! FINALLY!" Unfortunately, it was also P.E day, which meant I was wearing pristine white. :/ I had to be sent back home LOL! Apparently the teacher also told my mom I was traumatised (?!?!?!) because I was pretty pumped about finally getting it and hence quite hyper... :D

    And hey what do you mean odd colored eyes? People with non-brown/black eyes were revered in my school... even popular! :D

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    1. hahahha u rejoiced when u got it? MAN i thought I was going to die and my parents whr too happy about it.

      I wasnt remotely popular for my eyes. I was mocked.

      Delete
  43. Hahaha. I see a lot of guys have steered clear of commenting on this post.

    My wife told me she also went through the same feelings. Same class, too :p

    Cheers
    CRD

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    1. hahaha yes girls only post..but a few did..Thankuuu!

      Delete
  44. I LOVE that you wrote this. It's so easy to steer clear of it. And for people to not find it funny. Loved this post! You weird eye color girl.

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    1. hahaha thank u for reading!!! I just wanted to talk about something women don't feel comfortable in.

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  45. Yep, menopause will do it. Keep in mind, it's not always fun to be famous. :-)
    Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com

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  46. hahahha
    How do u manage to make me laugh every time. ??? If ever I meet u (PLS Meet me ONCE ) . U may wear mask if u wish to but if ever u meet me I would love to hug u becoz every line of this post is me , ofcourse I can never write it with a Chutzpah which ONLY u have . 6th class. being famous by being a period girl and the sex ed classes . LOL. We "WHISPER"ed in each others ears all the details :P I was also asked if the blood will b blue . I used to explain only indian cricketers can bleed blue not renuka shahane. Thanks for writing this

    LOVE ALWAYS

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    1. I WILL MEET YOU..Wearing a tiger mask. :P
      Seriously blue blood makes no sense until you are a crab.

      Delete
  47. hehe lol :D The doubts ur classmates got :D I really cant stop laughing after reading this :D Good one as always red :D
    I love your blog :) So am nominating you for a chain of awards red :) Read more about it here :)
    http://swathishenoy.blogspot.in/2014/05/chain-awards.html

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    1. thannnnnnnnnnnku for the award. yay yay yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

      Delete
  48. I remember asking my Mom strange things about Stayfree.
    But never mind! :P .. Crazy post !!

    PS> I'm flying to B'lore :D

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    1. I dint even know that pads existed

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  49. Hhahhaha.. The Period Girl!!!

    You are so adorable sweetheart. :*

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  50. Tch tch... woman, oh sorry, Lady (I remember you love it, don't you?) why are you hell bent on growing up too fast?

    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  51. next time if you write post so humorously beautiful .. do mention what to write to compliment you for your writing skill !

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  52. Lol!! Bleed blue..ha ha. Childhood memories. Red..you are truly an amazing writer!

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  53. Lol!! Bleed blue..ha ha. Childhood memories. Red..you are truly an amazing writer!

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  54. You always make me laugh...but this time you also transported me back to the days at school when it was such a big thing to get your period and it was all so hush-hush around the boys. Cracks me up! Now I suffer from too-much-information syndrome that my male friends have to actually tell me they don't want to hear some stuff.

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    1. hahah same pinch. I suffer from the same. I am so glad u read!

      Delete
  55. LOL.. Red..Oh, you are extremely popular now too babes.. !!

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  56. Hahaha, I remember when this happened :P And then slowly everybody started getting them, and god their tries to be in the spotlight just got grosser.
    x

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    1. haha...well atleast I lost the limelight.

      Delete
  57. Once again... I write a post and then realize that your latest post is on the same topic...

    Anyways, on a serious note, in our country a girl's periods are another way to control her freedom and make her feel inferior. And a lot of girls drop out of school in rural India because of the fear of all that you mentioned in your post. We desperately need measures to create awareness and provide the required services to all such young females who are not as fortunate as their counterparts in the cities.

    Coming back to your post, filled with wit and humor... as always ! :-)

    And, by the way, if you haven't noticed... you are more than famous already. :D

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    1. I read your post and you know I respect you a lot more. :D

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  58. Ah! The ephemeral nature of fame :) One would wish it to last for a longer..er...period :)

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  59. I love the title of the story...The Butterfly Story! There were a few periods 'veterans' in our class when I got mine...and so, I was well informed.

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  60. I wish you would write daily ... one post a day :-(

    Your words are always so much fun, and yet practical and true :-) Count me as one of your greatest fans :-D

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    1. now you are being generous. :)
      I am your fan too.I think u already knw I am

      Delete
  61. Ha ha .... like that .... Am I a man?”

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  62. Can relate to this post so well.. . during my initial days after 'the thing' happened, I remember passing out when someone mentioned 'look she has got those stains in her skirt'. I was damn careful after that event!!! :D

    //Maybe menopause will make me famous again. That is my only hope.// LOL !!!
    Interesting, awesome post!

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  63. hahaha Oh dear... where did you get the idea for this post!!! hilarious :D:D I remember when I had my first period... oh what a scandal it created :P you have inspired me to write my own story. :)

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  64. Wonderful post...your writing is great and practical. And you took me decades back...thank you !
    " I was the only butterfly between a pack of caterpillars" --LOL ;)

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  65. Awesomeness. As usual. Period. :D

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  66. Cool one again Red!
    Pause the worry about Menopause! Just chill! Period :)

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  67. love love love the post... :) .. Reminds me the questions that we asked to the classmates who had already got period.. such notions ..

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  68. This post made you famous, though.
    Every girl will relate to it! The 6th standard phase :P

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  69. awsmmmm is the word yaar!!! i had this big smile throughout the post:D

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  70. You are wonderful Red...Hahahaha and you exchanged the pads for Rotomac only..Haha, this made me laugh like hell...You need not to wait for menopause to get famous..You already are...ask your readers :)

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  71. Rotomac only? :P ;)
    Btw, that was most famous brand of pen at that time!! Loved it..

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  72. Ua amazing red..writing funny on this issue..seriously ua amazing...jz loved it..!!

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Spit It Out I Say !!!