Wednesday, 20 August 2014

BECAUSE YOUR VIRGINITY BELONGS TO THE SOCIETY....


The western lifestyle is a bad influence on our Indian civilization which is a beautiful rose. A beautiful rose which is a combination of many petals, where each petal is designed to stand for our supreme Indian culture, unique belief, traditional values, societal norms and declared taboos. Our lifestyle deserves to be called sacrosanct and anyone who transgresses our settled path is an evil black cat. We have an invisible wall around our nation, higher than the Great Wall of China that expels every western influence that attempts to trespass our moral lines. In case they succeed in entering our domain and affect our children, we continue to hold our guards up and declare our children as unworthy of our love. We are the greatest society in the world.

Our daughters are our own and their virginity belongs to us. It is her body, but it should be touched under our approval. She does not have the right to violate her body and violation it is because we as a society forbid sexual liberty. We have our moral codes, that may be archaic with no strong basis, but they are still our rules. Rigid and dominant rules. 

So, she broke the rules by letting a man touch her and liking the fact that he did. Love which as hard it is to believe happens without giving any value to society, religion, status, money or such important factors. We abhor such depravity, such lewdness. Sex is sacrosanct, subject to a condition precedent known as the holy matrimony and any violation of this supreme law is blasphemy. Love is unnecessary. Marriage comes above sexual liberty and we do not believe in the freedom of a human body.

We do love our daughter’s, we really do.  But it all comes with an added responsibility of letting them know that they are not anything like the boys. That their actions can bring shame, condemnation and disgrace. That they are like a piece of paper while the boys are needles. The paper will be the one to be torn, forever. But what if she wanted the man to touch her, well, that is just unacceptable. Her body belongs to her family, the society, the religion she blindly follows because we say so and God who is omnipresent only so that he can judge her for her sexual activities.

It is funny how much guilt a woman feels when she thinks dirty. Forget thinking dirty, it is funnier when you realize that you feel guilty even when you hold hands with someone you like. Holding his hand while walking on an empty road and suddenly letting go on seeing as much as a random tea stall. That is how it is and that is what we are shaped into.

All I am saying is raise your daughters in a way that makes them love their own body. Teach them that they hold the leash of their own destiny and that their decisions should always be there own. Let them know that their virginity belongs to them and if they want to save it till after marriage, it should be their own little divine choice. Tell her that her sexuality doesn’t belong to the society and that her body is her own.

But do ask her to make sure that her choices never make her regret. Now that you have done so, leave her alone.

P.S- Judge yourself not me for the thoughts you had about me after reading this little piece. J


104 comments:

  1. I judged myself while reading this...and the first thing that came into my mind was-"Man! This post is surely written by some lawyer..To the point, excellently constructive and usage of perfect terminologies..."

    And yes, while reading this post, something that I read recently on social media popped in my mind... "Don't talk to boys, until we force you to sleep with one"

    Keep writing, we all have the right to know what goes in a brilliant lawyer's ugly head...cheers!

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    1. hahah your words made me beam!!!!!
      I dont understand this society. I know our family means well. :)
      I love you man!

      Delete
    2. And Yes, This time I am that first lucky commenter on this particular post...I deserve a chocolate...you can ship it..right away...Blink Blink

      Delete
  2. Contrary to most "Indian-Moral" people's believe, Indian culture is the one that granted sexual freedom and right to choose husband much before any western feminist movement made any stride. Its only the uncomfortable and insecure generations that followed, started moral policing everyone.

    Its so sad, in one of the youth surveys I read, the majority of the boys said that they have no problem with the pre-marital sex but would prefer their future wives to be virgin. That is the irony of our pseudo- moral society

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    1. You said it. 100%. We were the most liberal, open minded culture...wonder how we became what we are. I am glad we are slowly changing.

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  3. Hats off for this, Red.
    Seriously, you've spoken about a topic as sensitive as the girl herself. She is the true owner of her virginity, and not even the man she gets married to can claim ownership of the same. And as pointed out earlier, Indian culture to some extent had granted sexual freedom to women, but as generations took birth and died out, the values and attitude changed. And women became 'consumables'.
    Not just the thing about virginity, we are still told that we need to wrap ourselves up fully, without letting our skin breathe, so that we don't tempt men around us and protect ourselves in the process. Honestly, I don't really see how that protects us. We protect ourselves, not just our clothes.
    My body, my wealth.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes, my clothes have nothing to do with my protection. Babies get raped.
      And yes, we were an open minded culture. wonder what happened.

      Delete
  4. People can yell, bark, whine, fine but a girl got to do what she wants to do. The division will remain because human brains are a result of some malfunction during manufacture of earthly beings. XD 'Being discreet' is my word and go conquer the world (in every sense). :P Ultimate judge are not the puny people but the person herself.

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    1. exactly...we are our own judge..'BEING DISCREET' turns out to be the only option

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  5. This is a fitting reply to the society and its so called 'righteousness'. Loved it Red, absolutely loved it.

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  6. Red... I feel glad n liberated reading this post.... U made me senti..
    Love u :*

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  7. Sarcasm Level: 9000. :D

    And yes, gender roles suck big time. The society makes regular mockery of the whole notion of personal liberty by imposing sanctions left, right and center. And it's a no-brainer to guess whom these sanctions apply to, mostly. Yes, alright. Nobody falls in love with your personality in the first sight. But what is stopping you to look at a person as someone more than their clothes, their religious/political/personal opinions and their choices? Double standards. Double standards, everywhere.

    I've a lot of things going on in my mind after reading this post. Maybe I'll pen down one of my own. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PEN THEM ALL DOWN!!!!
      Our society indeed thrives on double standards.

      Delete
  8. I so wish the conservative parents in our society would read this. A girl's body is her own and the freedom for making choices, her liberty. Sadly, there are men who wouldn't mind having a girlfriend before marriage, but when it comes to marrying one, all they look for are virgins-body and soul. Hypocrites! Loved this one, Red. More power to you!

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    1. It is sad how differently you look at a man and a woman.
      I am not a feminist but sheeesh!

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  9. *slow claps*
    Well this was to the point. Yes in the end we set standards for ourself. We can choose for ourself what we want to do. The guilt part I believe will vanish if people aren't judgemental. Seriously why will I feel guilty if people don't judge me? Apart from the Indian society, these things have been there in religion through and through. Then be it any major religion followed across the globe.

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    1. JUDGMENTAL. That is one evil our society indulges in...
      THaaaaaaaaaanks for reading!

      Delete
  10. Biting wit ! Mind if I share the post ?

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  11. True reflection of what we see all around and unfortunate indeed! Nothing will ever change till at least the educated class starts treating girls on par with boys! Very well written, Red:)

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  12. Nice piece and very true Red.. I wish most parents would read this.. but then will they really get it??? I really doubt..

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    1. I dont blame them for not getting. Thats how the society made them.

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  13. I don't have any friends (close ones) who were virgins at the time of their marriage! So well, we are brave enough to take our own decisions. Just that we are so scared of the society that we tend to hide it from everyone. Even these friends, they have revealed their 'secrets' much after their wedding.

    I am glad that we are letting the dogs bark but doing our own thing. :)

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    1. well....I have a close friend too who wasnt and well she got married to another man. I dont think she told him. Thats what society does to u. It makes you lie.

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  14. **whistles ** A very bold piece Red!! we build walls around and again break them and feel guilty..one should have liberty to decide and never regret you aptly said "But do ask her to make sure that her choices never make her regret"

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    1. Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaank you for reading babe!!!!

      Delete
  15. Well said red !
    our social identity == unproductive society !

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  16. You know what makes me happy.. The more I read people openly talking about this, and refusing to stick by the societal rules, the more my trust in sanity increases. There are many of this generation too, who would say things like virginity is very important and a girl is only her husband's property and bullshit.. despite that, slowly this new wave of change makes me hopeful

    There is nothing wrong at all, in being who you are, believing in what makes you happy and doing things that empowers you.. Period!

    You go girl.. you have a huge reader base, and if even one judgmental soul nears transformation, you've done your job! :)

    Amazing post!

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    Replies
    1. I am glad we share similar thoughts. HOW AWESOME IS THAT!
      We want a progressive society..not a regressive one.

      Delete
  17. Good read. But educated, well traveled, well read people who agree to this article become what you call 'conservative' when they have girls. We can't blame them, our society is full of rapists, iron rod shoving bastards and pedophiles. The conservative parents are wholly justified for being scared and protective.

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    1. society indeed ....I wonder when they would grow up!!!
      Thaaaaaaaaaaaanks ANITA!

      Delete
  18. Love the P.S. (Had to say, since loving your posts is a given now.)
    If only the chastity belt with a lock could be remodelled into a muzzle with a lock that never opens. And then put on those mouths which like to claim possession of our bodies - touch or no touch.
    Well done!

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    1. I ordered Mango chutney..would be reading soooooooooooon.

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  19. I simply cannot believe that love would ever be viewed as unnecessary...love is all we have in this world.

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  20. "And our boys can go out, tease women, can molest them but they are boys and they can do anything." Hats off to you for writing this piece :)

    Read me here: http://wingardiumleviosaaa.blogspot.in/

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  21. If I have a daughter, I will just make her read your blog when she turns 13 or 14. You should put a
    "recommended reading" post too :-)

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  22. I loved that post script Red ! Not saying I didn't like the rest of it either :D Looks like we all forgot to read the agreement where we pledged our virginity and sexual appetites to the society :)

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    Replies
    1. hahahah an agreement we didnt even sign.

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  23. Jesus Christ. I cannot tell you how amazing this is. Thank you for writing this. More people need to read this.

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  24. Interesting read Red. However Coup d' etats hv never been a matter of choice....especially that of rebel forces from unknown quarters...Holy matrimony is a different story altogether....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. umm..I need some time to think.
      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  25. You know what society is.?? It is the collective psyche of bunch of people worrying about what the other people in the bunch think about them. But in actuality NO ONE CARES. Society is to humanity what drag is to a flight. It brings you down. The day people stop worrying about what people whom they don't even know think about them, is the day the fear of society would cease to exist.

    And virginity is overrated.

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    1. Every word....EPIC!
      I like you boss!

      Delete
  26. U have put forth your point correctly lawyer ! Yes we have walls higher than China.beliefs and norms which god knows when they will change
    Brilliant post as always

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    1. Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks...Means a lot to me.

      Delete
  27. If this was a speech you would have got a standing ovation by maximum if not all. My God only you could have spoken so well. We have all felt that way but only you could.
    There's just one i would like to add...women have a lot thrust upon them perforce maybe because she is also going to be the source of regeneration too. i am NOT justifying anything. All i am trying to say is that a woman should remain a woman and not don the persona of the man she abhors. Her virginity, her body on which she feels a sense of ownership she should not as a rebellion to taboos or dogmas be ever so willing to give up to every Tom Dick and Harry that she meets saying stuff like, what is sex after all, another biological requirement. Men do it all the time so why can't I ?

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    1. Thats why I lines like 'MAN SHE LOVES'...'MAN SHE LIKES'..'NEVER REGRET'
      Then again, it is all based on a person's discretion.
      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  28. I'm reminded of the recent article on thought catalog I had read regarding the same issue.

    Following something just because of the so called-society around us is absolute non sense.

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  29. I am so so glad that you wrote about this. I could hear myself in your words. I had started writing about the taboo of Indian (female) sexuality on my blog. . .and then I don't know why I refrained. *sigh*
    But well done here :)

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    Replies
    1. You can still write :D
      Thaaaaaaaaanks for reading!

      Delete
  30. This is the first tym I visited your blog... and what an amazing post I read.... surely following you frm now on

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  31. You can be all that and more when you become a parent :-)

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  32. Its quite unbelievable now that once India was a free mixing society. Ironically it's only the foreigners who brought upon this fate on Indian women long long back. And now we are so deep into all that shit and we cannot even recognize what was ours originally!

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  33. Hear Hear! Brilliant post and brilliant thoughts..!

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  34. //All I am saying is raise your daughters in a way ...// great advice that!
    Brilliant, bold post !

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  35. I silently nodded to every word written out here. It screams out the way people think and treat the women. Poignant and structured beautifully. Every person needs to read this!
    Kudos woman, this was BRILLIANT! :)

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    1. I am feeling a little intimidated by how awesome you write! I love your blog

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  36. Wonder when our society will stop thinking it is their birth right to control women...You know as women and girls we should stop feeling guilty for doing what we want to or living the way we want to..

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    1. If only they quit judging every little action and omission from our side. :(

      Delete
  37. If I ever have a daughter I'll only be concerned with how healthy she is. So long as the doctor gives her the ok, she's free to do whatever she wants.

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  38. A lot of what you write about in this post, with epic level of sarcasm I must add, is what fueled all my teenage angst and rebellious nature. :)

    Your post reminds me of when I read that its very likely that in a few centuries the world will be ruled by powerful women, that have no need or want for men (if I remember correctly, it was a fictitious piece based on studies of some tribes living in South America), that the eventual endgame will be women reclaiming their true place in society, because right down to genetics itself, the female is the superior species. It made for one mindblowing read, gave me goosebumps. I believe someday all this nonsensical societal crap will end, and we will (in the words of Beyonce :P), run the world. :D

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  39. Huh! You dare trample on holy cows? :) They will moo you to death :)

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  40. 'Like a Boss' would be an understatement !
    Tipping my hat to your unabashed sense of conviction, Red.

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  41. we have gotten so used to being controlled that we are like that elephant that was chained as a calf and now believes that it is not capable of breaking the shackles that bind it....i guess we should first break free of our own self imposed, thoughts and notions of righteousness that we have been conditioned to accept from times immemorial! great post!!

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  42. Good post Red. I specially liked the ps :) There is a lot of imbalance and hypocrisy in our society when it comes to this issue. But there is one thing in defence of these rules. Raging hormones set in well before maturity even knocks the door of a youngster's mind. So in a way, these taboos do keep them away from doing stuff that they will regret later on. This concept of regret itself comes in because of our half baked ideals. On one side, we want complete freedom and on another hand we hold on to the facade of chastity. So I feel this kind of freedom will not work until we change completely.

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  43. civilisation is a constant thing across all cultures and it defines what's right and wrong behavior.western behavior is more influenced by capitalist society where there is a price for every aspect of life and its not called culture or civilisation. indian behavior or defining of woman role is a resultant of distorted culture or confused mindsets.

    according to culture or civilisation,virginity is about whole hearted emotions and anything which is not that is not pure.so its all about one's thinking or approach towards life.its really useless to sleep with a virgin woman when she doesn't whole hearted emotions for you.i can't hug someone when she really doesn't have emotions for me,its more like writing a blog post for some competition though you don't have intellect by instinct on certain topic.

    in indian society,modern women who imitate west won't imitate them totally,when something goes wrong they show indian attitude and complain about their vows.so older people are confused and not sure about girls freedom.there are only two ways,be a totally westerner or totally indian,being in middle will cause problems to you and your family.

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    1. Is that a legal requirement? You can only be western or indian there is no in between?

      Delete
    2. its not legal requirement but nature requirement.one's nature or instinct is basically influenced by culture.there are only two kinds of people,people with culture and cultureless people.people classified themselves million ways for comfort and freedom keeping morals aside.one can classify themselves accordingly if a person wants to live by any means.culture that you originally belongs to defined certain specifications to live for your good and stable society.as long as you deviate from original culture you belong to,your life will keep becoming superficial coz whatever you are doing is not instinctive but imitating.superficial life will lead to false judgements and in turn will bring sadness into life.

      at the end of the day,one will get respect if you are original with great morals.never forget your roots or basics.LIBERALS and CONSERVATIVE are words created by opportunists to alter the very human nature according to their comfort.there are only two words to define humans,culture and cultureless,civilised and uncivilised.

      you know why manoj night shyamalan movies look pale coz his thinking is not instinctive like christopher nolan or any white guy.do you think ritu beri will get same importance as versace or gucci .tamil director shankar movie robo which was imitation of irobot is superficial version.priyanka chopra feat with pit bull din't had any buyers.a.r rahman can compose great indian music,but when he tries projects in west,he looks pale compared with hans zimmer.things will look great as long as they are original.

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  44. This is something I've been thinking about for a while now. Especially in relation to India. You have done a great job of putting your thoughts into beautiful yet powerful words.

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  45. Sorry but I have opposite view... Being a girl myself and observing the society and life of females in South Asia and in my region I believe that daughters should not be given the leash and liberty. I have seen 90% it results in consequences that more or less ruin girls lives. I like the restriction that bound us and keeps us hold our chastity and ourselves pure and solely belong the just one man who is supposed to hold our hand for life time and protect and guard us...
    The western hold is empowering on young generation mind and such liberty just leads young people to steps they would regret for a long time in their lives...

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    1. And I completely disagree with you. Give me one good reason why men should be given freedom and women should not. Nothing, I repeat NOTHING, can "ruin your life" until you let it, and having sex with someone-even someone you do not intend to marry-will certainly not ruin your life. You can "hold your chastity" safe even without society breathing down your neck. Whether or not you want to be "pure" should be your choice. Yes, people may make mistakes, but that is part of growing up, making mistakes and learning from them. And I don't want a man to "protect and guard me". I want a man I can be in a partnership with.
      You may believe that people ruin their lives by "enjoying their freedom" but that is their prerogative. Once you are an adult you can do what you want. Freedom is a RIGHT not a privilege under the constitution of India.

      Delete
  46. What are you saying? I thought a girl was a cow and all others were holy cows holding her tether and deciding for her every step she took. I really wonder if the society as a whole will every reach that maturity ever.

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  47. Just for the counterargument, because "do ask her to make sure that her choices never make her regret. Now that you have done so, leave her alone.". What she does shouldn't be a parent's problem. What happens to her because of that shouldn't be their's either.

    But no, parents cannot tell their daughters "Well, because we've already told you to make sure that your choices should be such that you don't have to regret, our job is done. Because we should be minding our own business and you've got a problem, which your 'I known what I want' belief caused, my little fawn, you should DEAL WITH IT on your own". Can they?

    It is funny you know, the amicable solution will be a kind of mutual partnership, where each one isn't stupid. What's more funny is, that it is the parents who'll have to bat from both sides, because their children are often what they make them.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  48. This goody-two-shoes attitude of many Indians is really irritating. Like everything bad being attributed to west, as if Indians by themselves, without anybody's influence are the most purest race to ever live on this planet. And then again, who discerns what's bad and what's good. Religion of course, which we tweak, to our liking.

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  49. This V word is dangerous with double-standards & hypocrisy. Women/girls are severely afflicted...
    Felt sad while writing my post about the same topic with examples from Bollywood Movies.

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  50. Bravo!
    You have poured your thoughts on the word that should not be said - Sex...
    And on something that should be reserved to the man - Virginity.

    Very well said.

    PS: I loved your PS :D

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  51. Wah..society k rules usi ko Mubarak..
    Well written red .:)

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  52. ha! Completely agree with your thoughts! nicely said!
    I think Virginity is overrated! and the movies and serials certainly don't help us!

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  53. i have a huge grin on my face after reading this. i can sort of visualize you speaking the whole thing out loud with lots of hand movements and facial expressions. though i have no clue how you look..i have kind of put a pretty face for you in my mind :D creepy no? :D:D:D
    but on a serious note..this is so sad no. generations of generations of people have conditioned our minds in a certain way. it will take a long long time to change that.hopefully this current generation of young parents will make a difference.
    nice one molay.
    Cheers !!

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  54. powerful! very very powerful! I wanna say this out loud! its my body...my choice!

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  55. And I hope someone would hammer the exact thing in a guy's mind. Seriously, their hypocrisy appals me!! Pure and other nonsense!!
    Well written

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  56. THIS. Lady, I love you even more now.

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  57. "the more sexual partners a woman had had before marriage, the less happy she reported her marriage to be.” The same was not true for men.

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  58. ru out of your freakin' mind? another brainwashed religitard and arrogant obnoxious you are the best mentality
    = to VOMIT

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Spit It Out I Say !!!