Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Just another woman's take on 'Kiss of Love'...


So suddenly out of nowhere,  kissing in public makes you a rebel, an activist against moral policing. It makes you the flag bearer of justice and a soldier of free living. The youth of India want to kiss.

It all started when a clueless political party decided to vandalize an uptown café in Calicut, because a news report proclaimed that immoral activities in the form of kissing and hugging was happening inside.  Angered by the depravity that the political party was indulging in, a group of young bloods decided to launch a drive against such moral policing.  Thus, ‘KISS OF LOVE’ was born and now everyone wants to kiss their way to a massive social reform.

Now would I kiss in public? Ok, let me rephrase this. Would I as a woman, have the audacity to smooch the one I like, before the lovely audience that the citizens of my country make? Would I ???  NO, and it is not because I hate kissing (don’t be obtuse) or because I have truckloads of respect for our sanskaar and sabhyata. It is just that I don’t think that our country is mentally developed enough to accept public display of affection.

Let us for a minute imagine a scene. You and the one you currently love just got out after enjoying a lovely meal at the restaurant that you frequent. Everything has been perfect and the day is beautiful. The gentle whirling of the wind suddenly sounds like a John Mayer track and you two are having that moment which just has to be made better with a kiss. And Kiss you do. Kiss you do, a little afraid that your relatives might be around somewhere . Kiss you do, as aunties and uncles of your colony pass by. Kiss you do, as a lone auto driver stares on and kiss you do, as a biker records a video of you smooching, for his own private enjoyment later that night. Now, tell me, was the risk worth it?

I was not aware of the ‘Kiss of Love’ event until one of my colleagues told me about it. “Hey, guess what? People are going to gather at Marine drive on 2nd November and kiss. They are saying that it is some kind of a protest against moral policing” she said, showing me the Facebook page of the event, which had by then crossed 60000 likes, with around 7000 declaring that they will be a part of this drive. We laughed about it, imagining Emraan Hashmi style kissing happening outside the TV box, in our own Marine drive.  In a country that has redefined porn to include MMS of a woman sleeping in a public transport bus, unaware that her saree is innocently displaying her navel, much to the pleasure of the onlookers; we were planning a kiss protest, which can easily be mistaken for a Guinness book of world record attempt.

The problem does not lie in a few politicians who have taken up moral policing as their latest political propaganda. The problem lies in all of us. We perceive a kiss as the initiation of foreplay, a sexual stimulation and not as a way of displaying love or affection. A kiss according to us, has more to do with the fire in the loins than the spark in the heart. We are structured to think that way, thanks to the years of declaring everything including love, a taboo. We as a country, need to change.

They share images of the sculptures in Khajuraho, validating that India is the land of Kamasutra and that kiss is part of our sexy culture. They say that we live in a society where hatred in displayed publicly and crimes happen in broad daylight. They say that if hate is publicly allowed, why not love? They even seriously point out that kissing is their fundamental right, part of their liberty. It is all very true, but we should also remind ourselves that we have bigger problems to counter than the denial of street kissing.

The kiss of love drive that happened in a quaint little town in Kerala, has taken over the country by storm. Every college is suddenly flexing a muscle and hosting a kissing party. All in the name of social reform. But the true intention behind it is lost. Moral policing has taken a back seat. It has become more of a comical outburst than a fight. The ‘Kiss of Love’ event that happened in my city, saw only a handful of protesters, but a tsunami of men who had come to watch the live lip-lock ceremony.

So, do I want to kiss before an audience like that? I don’t. Do you?


P.S- Not every city in our country is metropolitan .Not everyone is modern.
P.P.S- Let me ask you something?Would the protest against moral policing have received such publicity, had it been a candle march  instead of a kiss drive?

70 comments:

  1. the kiss f love thimg was a huge flop..there were more on lookers than actual kissers...and the event was organised by a group of attention hungry,desperados who were more into getting themselves some screen tym and fame than protesting about moral policing or any shit f that sort.....!

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    1. I dont know if they were hungry, desperados....I believe they had good intention. Just a stupid method to go for it.
      Thanks for reading :D

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  2. A few days back I read somewhere like a protestor was saying that if pissing in public is allowed then why not kissing. Well I guess in the heat of protest he forgot that the act of pissing nowhere is similar to the act of kissing. Pissing in public is because of lack of awareness and manners. But kiss is a simple token of love. Kissing in public doesn't make you audacious either but yeah, it makes you a fool enough to be someone else's night-fantasy. At least I am not that fool and I am not going to date anyone that foolish.
    Keep up the good work RedHeaded. Thumbs up from my side. And a wink too. ;)

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    1. Wink back at you lady.
      Thanks a ton for reading babe.

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  3. *Slow claps* Bravo. It is in our country that audacity is fought with audacity. Would I kiss in public? I don't know. But if someone wants to hit me if I do, I will certainly punch them in the face.
    Kiss of Love doesn't really seem like a solution. Any protest that doesn't lead to solution isn't worth protesting.

    But then, to each their own I guess. :-)

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    1. The protest will soon be forgotten...but the images that the camera took of people kissing, will remain. :P

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  4. A candle March for this would have been much better as the public could be sensitized slowly.
    So much for progress. For the reasons mentioned I would not kiss in public even though I want to.

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  5. Umm... Kissing in public? NO! India is not ready for it! We will see it as a foreplay for rape! So lovers just might as well stay away from it...
    I don't understand why this happens just in India... no where else in the world do I see such a havoc for public display of affection... I mean what's the harm? Two lovers want to show their love to the world... Why make a big deal out of it!?!?!?

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  6. I won't kiss in public, could say not even any PDA. Not cos I don't want to, but as you said our society haven't yet reached a stage to accept even an innocent smooch. A protest against moral policing was a good idea, but this just took another turn.

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    1. It also depends on the place. Metro cities might be ready for it...but the entire India isnt.

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  7. Haila, yeh kya ho raha hai mere desh mein!

    I have no qualms as long as kissing brings any positive change. Hats off to those 7000 people, I don't have the guts to kiss me husband with an audience. On second thought, I think I can do provided they give me money and promise that my parents, friends and family will never find it out. :P

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  8. I can't help but think of people who got taken away with it and actually kissed in public..! Knowing Indian society they are gonna have a hard time explaining for very many years..! Geez..specially when you not quite end up marrying that person. India definitely wasn't ready for it. And tell me about the despo's who came just to record the event for their carnal pleasures! Sick..just sick..! I wouldn't wanna be anywhere close to such an event and perverts. A message that definitely got lost!

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  9. Our country is on the move with 'The charge of the kiss brigade', moral policing to the right of them and left of them' volleyed and thundered:) Ha... ha... dont mind being an audience to this extravaganza:) Good one Red!

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  10. "Kiss of Love" has attracted attention for all the wrong reasons... And as you said, its spirit got lost in the process. As you said, I dont think that I would kiss in public (If people are watching). But that got me thinking... Do you really think that people dont kiss in public... I mean may not be Emraan Hashmi walla kiss... But gentle pecks... It happens everyday... everywhere... I stay in Bangalore and I can say this... But then, not in small cities... Forger about the kiss... people cant walk hand-in-hand... Cannot walk with a boy if he is not her husband...

    And, I dont think Kiss of Love would have attracted so much attention if it was a candle march!

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  11. I was expecting a post from you after all the rage behind this protest. And what a post you have there! Yeah, even I heard a lot of people were gathered in Marine drive just to see the actual kissing taking place. Heights of desperation, I tell you!

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  12. India is a place where even tourists think twice before wearing a skirt. It is not a safe place even for toddler girls to be outside after dark. It practices dowry and gender prediction and abortion. I think we should consider these things first. Kiss you may, behind closed doors or places where moral police wont see you. And after all the above issues are addressed, we should address the clean India policy where pissing in public should be punishable by law. After that if we still have time, we can talk about kissing in public. Priorities. Something which hot blooded youngsters or moral police dont understand.

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  13. Mindless moral policing, mindless protesting - that's what I think of this whole thing, really. There is only one real reason for why such things happen - lack of thinking. When most people in India would start thinking independently, such meaningless behaviour from the so-called guardians of our culture/tradition and those wanting to be pseudo-modern will disappear. I am hopeful. But it will not happen instantly, that's the sad part :(

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  14. Totally agree with you :(

    How long are we going to put up with the 'situation' that India is in right now? We can't obliterate the thinking by wiping it off like Hitler did. Are we waiting for Evolution to take place?

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  15. "A kiss according to us, has more to do with the fire in the loins than the spark in the heart"
    Couldn't have said it better Red!
    And yes, even though the political moral policing must go away...this was no answer either. Or may be it was. May be if something like this happened too often....desperados won't be so despearte when it becomes normal rather than an event, you know what I mean?

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  16. There are hundreds of things to do - provide employment, arrange mid-day-meals for kids, empower rural women, stimulate a social change, lead by example and protect the girl child - but No, all these things don't matter - Lets set up moral policing to protect our rich culture and heritage which boasts of kamsutra instead. Bravo!

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  17. This rebellious act reminds me of the bra burning act in the sixties in the USA.

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  18. There are so many things wrong with our country which we choose to ignore in the name of our culture and sanskar...There's no doubt that India is a great country but it is one with so many flaws ...One being unable to respect individual choice or better yet just an individual...In the name of traditions so many crimes take place...Rapes, dowry deaths, khaps which issue diktats and these are only a few of the things from the perspective of a woman...I think we need to change our thought process only then such campaigns can work ...Maybe this is one of the ways or maybe it isn't ..But as you rightly point our Red this won't change anything if all the onlookers are there for the sake of pleasure or if we identify an innocent display of affection as lust... That said I will never dare to do it in public even if I want to be a rebel...for some reason I know my country isn't ready for it as you rightly mentioned....This moral policing definitely has to stop but will it stop by doing this I don't know..If it does it's good but then will this change our thinking as a society, I don't think so...We don't have dearth of perverts sadly

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  19. when i came across this news in tabloids,i thought people are really senseless and stupid.its like mukesh ambani skyscraper residence standing amidst slums.did ya ever come across american or german eating sambar and rice for lunch,why do you want to imitate someone's culture when west and japan have respect for their own culture. indians have this slave mentality,they speak in english though people come from same state to just call themselves superior. they feel inferior to do things that are indian. its like going to brothel coz you have lost interest in your wife.if women and men have acceptance to this,then you can go out and kiss.

    pda was never part of indian culture so our society had uniform social manners.if you want to break the rules of social manners,then you should call yourself cultureless coz its like syntax error in programming that will lead to complications or truncation.

    i din't indulge in moral policing,if you have discipline and culture,your life will be trouble free and if you want to break rules like indians drive on wrong side of road ,you will be victim of accident. i could not stop laughing at these dummy social reformers who were organising these events ,they know nothing about social political scenario of indian society or how western society aka FREE SOCIETY has led to murder of culture and led to billion dollar psychiatry molecules and rehab and marriage counselling centres.in the end,culture aka civilisation defines what has to be public and private to keep your life simple and happy.if you do things against it,its same as doing things against nature and becoming victim of natures fury or natural disasters.we all raise donations for such disasters,what do you raise for personal disasters,you have to grieve in closet.

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  20. Another awesome post. On your mention of an auto driver staring, i once remember a taxi driver almost refused to watch straight when he discovered the couple kissing like (to quote him) "English movies" on the left. :P

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  21. My first kiss in public cost me nearly 100,000/- .cost inclusive of return flight to London, getting a job visa, finding a nice apartment and wooing. But it was worth it ! I don't think I have the balls to kiss in public in India, kiss being defined as slow delicious lip locking without constantly looking over your shoulder whether someone is videotaping you ;)

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  22. I didn't even realize what was going on untill few days ago someone mentioned it. With lechers and onlookers all around, this could never have been a success. There's a long gap our society needs to cover before Kissing could be accepted as a normal behavior in public.
    Wonderful write up. :)

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  23. No, I won't not in public. Who can put up with the catcalls and the onlookers? It's very foolish both the policing first and now the protest.

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  24. Never in my life I would kiss the love of my life in the streets of India for sure. Every place has a culture of its own and like you have very aptly mentioned I would be more conscious about the neighbourhood aunty staring at me or a random autowala enjoying the show. That does harm my dignity. A candle light march would anytime would have been far better than this where people just for the sake of showing guts are kissing each other! You have given words to my thoughts frankly- love you for this. Like I would not wear a bikini in the streets of Delhi or mumbai, I would prefer to save my dignity by not smooching in public giving some cheap men a good view to oogle at!!! "Jaisa desh, waisa bhesh..."

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  25. Ah, I see the "trending" topic has made it to your blog. To answer your question, would I smooch in public - in India or elsewhere? No. Would I give a quick peck? (To the Mrs. of course) - Maybe, as long as it doesn't last longer than 2 Mississippi's :P
    The post - wonderful, as always. Now give me a chance to say something negative ;)

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  26. A country which basically introduced the concept of kissing frowns upon it. Goes to an extent than even vandalization is legitimate to them.
    I am not saying PDAs are bad or let alone immoral but too much PDA is just too cheesy.

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  27. I smooch in public in india. I also become a little self concious when I do it. But I do it anyway. I kind of support the campaign wholeheartedly. If ever I come to know that I have been recorded, then I do not know how would I handle it. It will create lots of problems for me. But then, I feel kissing in public is okay and do not mind when I find couples around me doing that.

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  28. This whole idea of kiss of love disturbs the comforted and comforts the disturbed. I support it, it neither disturbed me nor comforted me.
    Nice article :)

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  29. I would really appreciate the author, she is right.we have many other ways to protest. .. kiss of love is not at alla good way to protest.

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    1. what other ways? destroying public properties? or intimidating and forcing commuters ?

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  30. I read about it, and wondered if it'd really go through successfully in the magnitude that it promised. Didn't happen, but there seem to be aftershocks, like you say. And no, I'd not kiss in public as a protest.

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  31. I don't think I will even kiss someone in London or Chicago. For one, I will have to go there ... :-)

    These protesters have the right to do what they want. I agree, it is not a very effective way of doing it. But they still have the right.

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  32. Every time the moral police forces people to abstain from something, they do it with vengeance. It's normal. Ban a book and becomes a best seller. Ban a movie and it's a top grosser. Regardless, our society, specially small towns are not ready for overt PDA in public places. But things are changing. We have moved from flowers brushing each other to explicit lip locks. One Virat Kohli blowing a kiss towards Anushka in the stands did more than what thousands of kissing protestors couldn't.

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    1. "One Virat Kohli blowing a kiss towards Anushka in the stands did more than what thousands of kissing protestors couldn't." Did what?

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    2. oh you mean to say that change in mentality of an average Indian is brought by Virat kohli, which other protesters couldn't...

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    3. It was a flying kiss and masses seem to accept it. Alka's comment truly makes a point.

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  33. The question is not whether you would kiss or you want to kiss in public.. it is "Will you protest by kissing in public (you cant protest in private.am I right?) against those who used violence on adults kissing in their privacy?"

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  34. I sometimes wonder, how did our society evolve into something like this. We are the people who gifted Kamasutra to the world and the physical intimacy between a couple is displayed so explicitly in the Khajuraho sculptures. All this means that our ancestors were more broad minded than us today. There is nothing wrong in PDA and you are right Red, I would never be comfortable to kiss in public in the name of protest. That is so absurd.

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  35. You are right. There are other serious and way deeper issues in our society that should be given more importance. Loved the way you presented the views. Honest and true.

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  36. Great post ! Kissing in public I think is a private thing..somebody might be fine with it ...somebody might not be..but sometimes its also the level of comfort displayed by the two parties that determines the audience reaction.. some could hardly make one raise an eyebrow while others due the sheer slyness or 'out of placeness' would cause an audience to go goggle eyed. Unfortunately in India, we are always goggle eyed at everything..and yes, therefore, a PDA extracts too much of a cost..

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  37. Its a personal preference. I don't see why such a hue and cry us made about it!

    We Indians cannot accept a girl and guy holding holds. Let alone them kissing. Unless the people of the country change their mindsets, the country will not change. Such protests will soon be forgotten.

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  38. Your P.P.S is exactly my point. Public display of affection is okay in a land where everyone minds their on business like in US. In India, where everyone's business seems to be poking their noses in everyone else's business, well there's a lot less to be said.

    As for me, I prefer to keep my expressions of love in privacy.

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  39. Couldn't agree more! We are way behind in terms of...everything. So may be the 'love-rebels' should start by smaller stuffs, like holding hands. On second thought maybe not...

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  40. Oh..... kissing in public on the Indian roads? Not yet, lets wait for a few decades and see how "developed and forward" we are.
    Like Keirthana said, in India, everyone's business seems to be poking their noses in everyone else's business.

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  41. I think a little tiny kiss in public is ok :) just not a passionate throat kiss lol take that to the bedroom!!

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  42. I feel kissing in public or any form of PDA is gross and our 'sexy culture' (Gawd! I am still laughing!) teaches us some manners too. It is basically a good opportunity for desperate and 'deprived' people! Modernity does not mean one should do all these things in public. The next protest would have people having sex on roads in the name of protest against moral policing! God!

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  43. I ve always felt like in India its better for certain things to be just as they are.
    The crowd isn't worthy of facing those as of now.

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  44. This campaign was a total hogwash. Being liberal or modern, doesn't ,mean systematically dismantling all the pillars of society. If anything, it cheapened the bigger cause of modernizing India.

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  45. In India, politicians and young generations have had clashes even on celebration of Valentine's day, every year we read/hear on 14th Feb.
    I more think it as of 'innocence'. You must not lose your innocence and at the same time be little mature enough to understand love, kiss and sex. Somewhere there is a line where maturity and innocence meet and that is where all things like love,hate, sex, obsession, rage happens.
    I did not read the details of the event but a true kiss will be minimal, it will just be because it cannot be without, and it will not be so much that it needs to explicitly be expressed in public. It will just be what it can be at that time, at that place, for that duration.

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  46. Well written post. In all this Kiss of Love (?) news, I was looking for some well thought out reasoning and sense. Found it. :)

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  47. Kiss is not always about sex.May be the way they chose to protest was stupid but I would never support moral policing.
    PS:Happy to know that you are from Kochi
    PPS:We need thinking heads like you Red head!!!!

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  48. Well said. The mindset of people here is not mature enough even for causal PDAs. This is becoming a joke!

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  49. For once, I don't think I fully agree with your point of view. Today a mere twenty people kissed and a thousand came to lech or watch. It is totally possible that tomorrow a thousand people will publicly kiss on the streets and not even twenty will care.
    Changing mindsets is a terribly slow process but it does need to start somewhere.

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  50. We want to see the change but we are too afraid to be the change. I guess I have always lived overseas so what seems like no biggie to me is of'course, outlawed in India. I think, from my little third party perspective with no insight into the matter, it stems from a social anxiety that no one wants to face. And I don't know how one can wish to develop without taking a step towards development. But in saying that, rather than playing a tonsilitis game on a national level, I think holding a debate or something would be a more mature, rational and logical way about this.

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  51. Such a protest would be too far from now - at least here in my country. I think its strange and sort of right and sort of wrong, can't say for sure. Even though I have mix feelings about it, I am definitely against moral policing.

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  52. Seems like I have not been living in this world lately...I just had no clue about this whole kissing kahani....leave alone the political agenda behind. ..but to your point. ...would I want to kiss in public ...Nooooo....not just because I do not want to be someone else's night fantasy. ..but also because. ..no matter what we are taught....to me it is a very intense expression of "love" which only can be expressed in no man's land....:) your views were straight and right on....awesome writing :)
    ...

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  53. I happened to be in Penta menaka (near marine drive) 3 hours before the whole thing started. That was the first time I saw so many policemen in one place and people started flowing in quickly. We knew all about this event but never expected such a crowd so early. I rushed back home because I too believe we are not matured enough for PDA.

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  54. "A kiss according to us, has more to do with the fire in the loins than the spark in the heart." - Well, depends on the kind of kiss, right? :P

    I did hear about the Kissing Protest in bits and pieces and although, not following the news, expected a similar development as you have pointed out. A tsunami of men gathered for a live lip-locking action, our neighbors, friends, parents of those friends - hell, the entire world around us ready to dig into such "immorality" as a kiss. I'm all up for the kissing rights but what about the privacy rights? The movement has good intentions but given the Indian social background, the effects might not be all that good.

    Back here after a long time. This was one of your more serious posts, I guess. Enjoyed reading it nonetheless. :)

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  55. Valid points, Red Handed. But, I do feel that people came out and propelled the so-called moral guardians to take a back seat. I feel we shouldn't as a nation be afraid to make love. Trust if it's a kinda show off the good intentions may be diluted in some way or another. It's just a different perspective:)

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  56. endammo !!! Kollalo reviews & Comments !!

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  57. I believe that private moments should stay private.
    It is not only in India that such movements arise and youth is going astray in name of freedom. It is in the neighbouring country too and it is disgusting.

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  58. Read you after long. Hope you are doing well :)

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