Wednesday, 1 April 2015

THE SECRET ROMANCE...



Back when I was a little girl, my favourite game was called ‘Mr. & Mrs.’ While the Mr. was a magazine cut out of an actor stapled to the face of my one eyed teddy bear, the Mrs. was a blushing me. My relationship with my paper husband could be labelled as romantic, since I spoke to him only in dialogues straight out of the Bollywood movies that I watched when my mother wasn’t around. But something that the little me noticed was that this romance that existed between me and my inanimate husband wasn’t present between my Dad and Mom.

Many nights were spent wondering whether my parents were together only because of the common burden that they shared; the burden being me. But then they made my brother, thereby challenging my hypothesis. But how could a relationship continue with no romance in it? There were no cute glances across the hall and though I knew I would barf if they ever said ‘I love you’ to each other in my presence, I sometimes wondered if they ever said anything that did not involve their problematic children, the grocery list, the different kind of bills, their work or their general loathing towards majority of our relatives. The closest to romance that they got was when they dyed each other’s hair or when they took their weekend afternoon naps, with synchronized snores setting up the mood.  After a certain point of time I simply gave up and declared to myself that my parents were suffering a boring marriage.

My mother for some reason was always very protective of her bedroom almirah. A rusty old Godrej almirah, that she kept locked at all times. It was the only place in the entire house that I wasn’t allowed to raid and this fact used to haunt me like dry cough.  Paulo Coelho rightfully wrote, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” It was this very want in my part that made my mother forget to lock the cupboard one fine day before leaving for work. I opened the cupboard half expecting Narnia at the back of it, but instead got hold of what seemed like a stack of greeting cards and a few old photographs.  The photographs seemed to have been taken soon after my parents wedding, one showing both of them sitting in a garden, my mother laughing maybe at a joke my dad managed to crack. The next picture showcased my parents in goggles, both staring at opposite directions with a serious look on their face. They looked like idiots; idiots in love. The cards were all gifted during wedding anniversaries and it seemed like my mother hadn’t got one in the past few years. Even though I was a child, I knew I was trespassing into her personal space, but there was a certain joy that I derived by knowing that there was romance present in their relationship at least in those initial few years of marriage.  

Last year they celebrated their 25th anniversary. Dad bought mom a few sarees using the bonus he earned by working extra, mom didn’t bother to do anything and I ordered a mocha cake to celebrate the occasion and ate most of it. There was no grand celebration and no one gave a speech or popped a bottle of champagne. Frankly it was amusing how boring they were together as a couple. 

But then I saw it, their silent and secretive romance. The romance when dad backs mom up when we raise our tone against her, the romance and comfort in those synchronised snores, the romance in dying each other’s hair using old toothbrushes and the romance in cooking a meal together. The romance when dad irons her saree and she polishes his shoes. The romance when dad cleans the ceiling fan and mom holds the stool. The romance even in those farts. The romance that made their children and the romance that made them raise us together. It wasn’t a boring marriage but a successful one.

Anniversary cards with their printed words cannot express relationships like these. Their years together did that for them. I and my brother did that for them. Their hidden romance did that for them. 

If you ask me, I prefer a secret romance. A relationship as carelessly strong as theirs. 

P.S- Yes, I MUST BLOG REGULARLY.
P.P.S- Still getting used to Bangalore. New place, new job and new people. I take time. 
Image Courtesy- onesmedia.com

47 comments:

  1. The romance had different tone that time. It didn't mean how many gifts you brought home or how expensive your holiday plan was. It was there in the support, care mutely without any demand. The kind of romance that runs longer than DDLJ in maratha.
    Great Red. You are in Bangalore. Kudos. Welcome. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Romance is hidden in these small things, you don't need over the top show of your emotions when you have these small little things which confirms that love still is present in your life.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This was a totally 'awwwwww' post! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ain't this the story of most people (parents ) ?
    And this was a cute story, and a nicely penned one.

    PS. 2 months it has been right ? Bangalore has changed a bit (or a lot) climatically and people wise. Adjusting might take some time. But I guess you have become all busy. Less Twitter too. Just Saying.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I loved this post so much ! You know I always love the romance that is kept personal than ones that are splashed all over social media and PDA. Because people who really love each other know that it is not something that has to be put on display.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I wonder why you chose the 1st of April to write this post. Anyhow, it was an entertaining read and wish they stay blessed with the secret romance forever long.
    Also, how did you manage to design that header pic with 'the red handed blog' inscribed on it? :p :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is the kind of romance people from the generation of our parents know and I must say, it is the stronger one of the lot too :) But I wonder why your mom didn't want to show you her symbols of love, I have all the handmade gifts and silly cards, gifts that we got and gifted each other and I wouldn't mind if my kid saw it. I guess that's what's called sophistication which we younger generation totally lack :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. This was a post that had me going awwww! Parents are the cutest I say. We expect to see those movie love stories in real life but then reach a point where we appreciate that 'secret' romance between our parents. Nothing can ever come close to that!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well written Red. You are right. Romance is not always about gifts or candle light dinners. It is about being comfortable with each other and having the assurance that no matter what your faults are, you will be accepted as you are by the other person.:)

    Ps: I live in Bangalore too:)

    ReplyDelete
  10. This was a very sweet piece, Red. It brought back a lot of day to day activities that my parents did in my childhood which were uniquely romantic. To be in a successful relationship than a romantic one, is probably the most important take away.
    One more thing, from present day, that is the testament of their uniquely synced romantic life is to get behind their kids to get married, hopefully with a similar success :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. We underestimate the previous generations romance. *Touchwood* It's good to know that their secret romance is working out for them <3 God bless the bunch of you :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wish your parents many many more years of silent boring romance.
    Still waters run deep. A heartwarming post.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am sure your parents will feel proud of you, now that you learnt what the real romance is all about:) Beautiful post, Red!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Awwwwwwwwwwww so so cute this one! :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. "The romance even in those farts". Haha. Classic Red. Movies and books mostly give us the wrong notion of romance. Love does exist even without the romantic gestures. And love is all that matters. Happy anniversary to your parents. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. I so loved your post, Red! In fact, I feel it is the story of almost every marriage, which may seem 'boring', lacklustre, but, which may actually have a different kind of romance keeping it alive. And, I think it is exactly this different kinda romance that has seeped within my marriage of so many years. You actually made me aware of it, you know? Thanks a ton for this entertaining and enlightening post. Looking forward to many more such posts from you throughout the month. Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Lovely post and I was thinking of may parents all the while. While I too have a younger brother, I felt you were writing about us. The secret romance of that age was wonderful :)
    btw - don't you think you should meet awesome Bangalore bloggers like me? :P

    ReplyDelete
  18. Lovely post and I was thinking of may parents all the while. While I too have a younger brother, I felt you were writing about us. The secret romance of that age was wonderful :)
    btw - don't you think you should meet awesome Bangalore bloggers like me? :P

    ReplyDelete
  19. Aww.. such a sweet romantic post, Red :)
    Hope you have a wonderful Bangalore days ahead. Enjoy :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Well I've had the mushy parents, so they've always been in expressive, holding hands, dad singing songs for mum. It's actually rather cute. But I must admit seeing them together, standing by each other's decisions, that sort of tells me how strong their bond really is. :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Yes!!! even those with up-heaving revolutionary love stories of yore are nowadays seen to express romance by means of using old & frayed toothbrushes splattered with dye on each other's head. I have come to seriously think that red-roses are for ninnies ;) Cheers to secret romance! .. & lovely post Red.

    ReplyDelete
  22. beautiful post! I too agree that love shows in smallest of things and little adjustments you make to make the life of your partner comfortable. I was caught red handed when I was trying to read old letters of my parents (btw they too were kept safely hidden from my curious eyes inside a Goodrej steel almirah!) and my father gave me a good dressing down even before I could read beyond two lines :P
    heheh!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Romance that is silent is deeper and longer lasting. External manifestations need not always be present to reinforce it. This is the truth of a majority of marriages in India. There indeed is something comforting even in the 'synchronised snores' as you have put it :) Especially loved this post Red!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Cute post, Red. Wish your parents many more wonderful silent romantic years ahead! I agree with Zephyr. Most Indian marriages are that way :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Like the dew that falls unseen and unheard and yet brings to blossom the fairest of roses,romance should be subtle and not overly demonstrative between couples with children.It may lack the open exuberance but not without its intensity.

    ReplyDelete
  26. It is a beautiful romance, I say. I heartily wish for their togetherness for many years to come (and perhaps, that you get the kind of guy who fits'ya good) :-D


    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
  27. Loved the post.beautiful line " A relationship as carelessly strong as theirs."

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hahaha.. You are one writer which makes me after every other line..!!! And the way you narrate.. it's even more funny.. You should truly write more often Red..
    Till then waiting for your further posts..

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  29. You have described "romance" very well. I know a couple. When he says "bring me that", the wife knows exactly what that "that" means and will bring that to him. When she says "Appa, when you go to buy grocery today", he will immediately tell what she has in mind for him to buy. I am sure you will agree that is also "romance".

    I thought you are a practicing lawyer in Bhopal. I did not know you moved to Bangalore. Are you setting up your practice there?

    ReplyDelete
  30. hey,,,, bangloreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......................................
    Let the next be Goa.. oh wait! what job could you possibly get here than selling coconuts. Nah, it's still worth it.. make a move already...:P
    My love to Your parents....<3 <3
    They are married for twenty-six years now, that means i must do the math again for assuming your age through all posts i,ve read. :P You sure know how to confuse a little poor girl..:P

    ReplyDelete
  31. Romance... When you are still getting to know each other, you have to be expressive... Need to talk more. Say more. This helps in understanding each other. As years pass by, as you start being together and doing things together, there will not be much to talk. Silence starts speaking. Togetherness seem to be taken for granted though it also means that they are comfortable with eachother, support each other and have seen good as well as bad things together.

    I have also wondered the same things as a child... Do my parents love eachother- the way we see in movies. But, years have made me wiser. I have also re-written my definition of love...

    PS: Welcome to Bangalore!!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Isn't this the kind of romance all the couples tied in a relationship of arranged marriage are practicing?
    It's beautiful, indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Beautiful..just beautiful Red! Our parents romance is the real romance. Its the subtle things ..! Dancing around trees isn't romance. Thanks you bollywood!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Ooh, Bangalore. Let me know when you are ready to shed the anonymity. Or, you know, we could have coffee with you wearing that tiger mask. I'm totally okay with it for the sake of some interesting conversation. ;-)

    On a completely related note- "romance even in those farts"- so true!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Beautiful! I think this is what golden romance is like, the kind our parents have experienced... I don't think modern day romances can even compare...

    ReplyDelete
  36. "It wasn’t a boring marriage but a successful one."
    So so true!! And I found myself nodding enthusiastically at every second sentence, because I think most of us have felt exactly the same way about our parents!!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I went to a golden wedding celebration recently and the wife read out a poem about love being about the person who pays the bills and cleans the stove. It was very touching.

    ReplyDelete
  38. "Red Handed" has been included in our Sites To See #434. Be assured that we hope this helps to point many new visitors in your direction

    http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2015/04/sites-to-see-434.html

    ReplyDelete
  39. loved it, loved it.....just absolutely loved the beautiful relationship your parents have. And yes, you should blog more regularly *said while keeping a straight face*

    ReplyDelete
  40. *Touch Wood*

    Growing up by reading all these romance novels, we have a very different idea of what romance is, and I realize that it is far far away from reality. I think it takes some time for us to realize that secret romance is better than PDA. Lovely post :-)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Aw this is a very heartwarming post. As love develops and matures, it doesn't need these elaborate displays or reassurances, it is simply there and it's the most beautiful thing :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. The only time my parents have each other's back is when they fight and I tell them to get divorced. They somehow rally around and lecture me then.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Romance lies in how we each person see it .Polishing shoes can be burden to one & romance to another .

    ReplyDelete
  44. Beautiful! Obviously your parents have worked hard to make their relations bloom! God bless! I enjoy your posts and nominate this blog for the 'One Lovely Blog Award'. Do visit my blog for more.. :) :)

    ReplyDelete
  45. That's romantic. Reminds me of my parents ;)
    Great when marriages stand strong.

    ReplyDelete
  46. You are a genius Red! How else can anyone put into such beautiful words such a 'boring' love story like you call it ? Its all in the details that you find the truth.

    Loved loved loved this piece.

    Please write more.

    ReplyDelete

Spit It Out I Say !!!