Thursday, 10 March 2016

MARRY FOR SECURITY....





Marry for security. The guy you love shouldn’t be the one you marry.
Be practical when it comes to marriage. Never gamble. Instead settle for a safe bet because love wanes off and there is so much more to marriage than just love. ‘The Notebook’ is just a stupid book and an even more stupid movie that forces you to believe that two people can just have a synchronized death  on a single hospital bed because of some eternal love that mysteriously outlived Alzheimer's. Be realistic please! In life what really matters is security. Money is important. Social acceptance is even more important. And please, do not beat the drums declaring ‘‘He is the one!’’ because it makes you sound like an irrational fool.
You know that you are part of a society that looks at love as a game that should be played after marriage. You cannot just uproot yourself from that society and live life on your own terms with someone you think you are crazy about. You should marry somebody who the society accepts is right for you. Marry the money, the education and the religion of the man. Love might drop in later and even if it doesn’t, really its ok!
Marry for stability. You cannot wait for some man who begs you to believe in his dreams, the way he does and pleads for some time to prove that he can pay for your wardrobe. You are not a kid anymore and time is clicking.

So you settle for a stable, established man. Good job! Its ok to have days when you lie awake staring at this man’s face wondering why you never feel like nuzzling him while he sleeps. You used to feel it with someone from your past. But the past is dead and the past was filled with stupid dreams. So you sleep off. Some nights he gets on top of you and you have sex. You forget to make love.

In the morning while you clean the house and dust that expensive couch, you feel pleased at the secure life that you are in. Your husband brought such stability into your life. During breakfast you discuss the credit card limit, the pending bills and the carpentry work that needs to be done in the bedroom. Those deep philosophical talks, those stupid jokes and those random book reviews are all part of a past with someone else. You don’t expect that now. Now you are practical with no time to reflect.

Your parents like him and your temple allows him to enter. You are not sure if you like him but its ok, because one day you will get so used to him that you will think that this habit is love. You will be fine with it. Get a job and try to climb up the ladder. Helps you forget the vacuum in your heart.

Have a kid with him and then another kid. Your kids look beautiful they say and they are true. Start investing on lands, pay those insurance premiums and keep buying things. Make your house resemble a contemporary museum. Put your children in expensive schools and discuss the expense with your husband. Go for a movie and stare at the screen while your mind drifts into a secret chapter from your past. Eat that popcorn and then smile at your child. Watch your husband smile at them with the same distance in his eyes. Your life is secure.

Attend weddings and flaunt your family. Show everyone that you have made it. Keep giving importance to impressing the people around you because when you stop doing that, the pangs of regret hit you and you hate that. Soon you enter a midlife crisis.
You did a great job by not taking a risk and going for the man you love. It was a wise decision to not choose the person who made you happy in this short life that you live. You were right in running away instead of trying to work things out. You chose reality over some fantasy of yours.

After all, you knew that life is about everyday tasks and ignoring the mountain of regrets. You did well. You chose fear.
P.S- Hello Hello!!!!
P.P.S- Please don't leave a comment relying solely on the POST TOPIC. Read!
Image Courtesy-sodahead.com

111 comments:

  1. Nice to see you back from hibernation with the onset of Spring, Red! Enjoyed the post with with a fair sprinkle of reality:)

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    1. Hello!!! Yes finally back and here to stay. How have u been?

      Delete
  2. Welcome back after a long time!!! I agree with you on the concept that love might fade away. Why not take a risk maybe love will not fade away at all?

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  3. Wow. Good to see you back of course :) But do all marriages mean this? Do you really believe that? I find that marriage is a form of growth and it depends on the people involved, of course. How we deal with it is in our hands :) That being said, hello hello back at ya!

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    1. Hey!!! Yes back :D
      I hope you got the actual intent of this post. I don't believe in marrying for security

      Delete
    2. Of course I read the whole post and got the intent too :) All I am saying is that there are bigger reasons why a person gets married. 15 years this May, so yeah, maybe a bit old in this department :D

      Delete
  4. Welcome back Red!!!I agree with you Red that love might fade. Why shouldn't one take the risk? It might be worth it also..

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    1. I don't believe in marrying for security. Read again :P
      btw hi!!!

      Delete
  5. Welcome back, Red! As I was reading this post, I was trying to determine, if you were being sarcastic or realistic. It seemed like an interesting back and forth. The points that you make are brilliant and practical. But there's still some romanticism, as hidden as it may be, between those words which hints that the impractical life still holds hope.
    Loved the write up :)

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    1. Thank you for being the first one to actually read the whole post.
      Thanks a lot!

      Delete
  6. You are back!!!!! Yayieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

    Welcome back my darling! This place was boring without you.

    Marriage again is a choice. For you or for others. It's tough but you need to make it because at the end of the day a marriage is between two people alone. Society, parents and who so ever will not matter.

    Having said that, we'll meet and talk about this soon.

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    1. hey hey hey!!! I am so not into marrying for security.Lets see where life takes me :D

      Delete
  7. Hey, so nice to have you back, after sooo long!
    You know, you are right. After all, what's love got to do with it? To live life, you need money, you need a position in the society for the respect; basically, you need everything but...love. Love - you can always fantasise about it, but not about the rest of the practical things, can you?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. U have got to read the post again.
      Btw how have u been?

      Delete
    2. Hey! I have been fine!
      I was being sarcastic, Red! And, I think, you were, too! :)) I married for love! :)) And, I hope, you do, too! <3

      Delete
  8. Thank God you are back...! In a country where marriage is seen as a license to let kids have sex and have kids of their own, standing firm ob love is soooo important..else life becomes what you have just shown us..I had a horrible time fighting to be with the man I love and this when my parents were all for it. I have never knoen hate like I knew after that phase coz that's what society does to you. Thankfully I could manage to holdmy ground but that dors was happen so often which scares me..
    Welcome back once again! :)

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    1. heyheyhey! Yes I can only imagine how tough it must have been for you. Strong !!
      I am so happy to be back.Hope to stay :P

      Delete
  9. Lol I don't think that many out here understood the sarcasm or i guess your readers don't read your post fully and they just spam their thoughts in sake of doing it. Anyway loved your post. Keep writing... I always believe that it is good to be different from the flock. Such individuals have lived an interestingly happy life.
    Realizing that life is not stuck in a bubble called society itself is Enlightening. May you be an example for many more ladies who seeks freedom from this vicious circle.

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  10. So much reality in the words, most of the marriages happen in this way only, Otherwise how can one decide on a page of biodata and a pic?? many pretend to be happy and content about their married life, though in many instance their past creep in..
    Welcome back Red!!

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    Replies
    1. Its scary. So scary. One can only hope to be happy with the choices they make.

      Delete
  11. I discovered your blog during your hibernation, and I enjoyed your writing, so I am glad to see you back.

    And I get the sarcasm in the post, but I hope you don't slot all arranged marriages in that box. If one is in love with someone, that's the person they should marry, and most definitely not marry only for security.

    But all arranged marriages are not marriages of convenience - many find genuine connection before they agree to marry the other person.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I am glad you came across my little blog. :)
      I am not categorizing here. I was merely writing down the turmoil that is me. Thats all. :)

      I am sure many arranged marriages r genuinely tasting happiness.

      Delete
  12. Unfortunately life does not always grant the luxury to choose. To be able to make that choice of love over security, you have to be strong and capable of holding on your own. Agree that materialistic pleasure will never satisfy the vacuum of love, but in absence of security sometimes even the love falls short. Love is all that you need when you are single, but once you start a family you need to have more. Family approval will decide how much of peace you have in your marriage, because let's accept it, its not a pleasant scene to have your in-laws sulking. Love can't replace all other relations and if it does, the pressure would be too much on such a relation. So you have to be strong to chose love and brave it all and if it does go wrong, have the guts to face it all alone. No wonder, people choose security!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You said it sister. Its a choice. and both are right in their own way. Its for us to finally decide the path to take.

      Delete
  13. Don't marry at all. For security or for love. It's the biggest scam ever. Do NOT fall for it.
    P.S. I love the man I married. But I hate marriage as an institution. This is a discussion we'll have offline, though.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. hahahah you are mouthing my opinion :P
      How have u been?

      Delete
  14. I married for love. I left security for precisely the reasons you mentioned above. I know you will too ☺️☺️ Welcome back! And stay 😝

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    1. Oh damn you are one strong lady in that case!!
      HEY HEY HEY!

      Delete
  15. Ooooh my god... Tears in my eyes as I read this... Amazing u r ��

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    1. JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

      Delete
  16. Choosing security over hardships of love is so easy.Its a general tendency to avoid struggles, a fight for something because we fear failure. We fail to realize that standing by the person you love, building a life together and realizing
    common dreams is so much more gratifying than escaping all this. And isnt the whole of love ' making it work together ?'

    Good come back Red. We missed you.

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    1. HELLO THERE! I am so glad you read this. Because find gratification in different ways. Some in leading a secure life and some in fighting for it.

      I missed writing too!

      Delete
  17. Marry for love, always marry for love. I did. Im doing just fine :-) welcome back . Missed you!

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    1. yes you are and I am so happy that you did marry for love. :)

      Delete
  18. Ah this post is so unfortunately true, it's a shame that this is the reality of most people and they choose to live life in this way.

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    1. The fact is people realize it very very late in life. So late that it doesnt actually bother them anymore.

      Delete
  19. Haha Red :) true Red style post :P

    But so many people doing this!! Marry that man who has a PR in France, doesn't matter if he has a mallu mustache and has never read even a short story in his life. Give up the boyfriend who is almost literally your soulmate because he cannot buy you that fancyass sofa set you will later sit on and stew in your misery. People's priorities when they are looking to get married are truly truly fucked up :O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. people's priorities are decided by the society and the pressure they go through. Its a sad sad truth. Its easy to just go for an easy way.

      Delete
  20. Hey there, Red! Good to have you back but such a serious post? Security is only one aspect of marriage. It does not have to be mutually exclusive of love. Started in the eyes you may outgrow as you transform to with age. Relationships are very fluid.

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    1. I really have no experience so I will go with what you say. But yes relationships are very fluid.

      Delete
  21. I. Love. The. Sardonic. Tone. Period.

    Gosh, it's like someone showed a mirror to the "let's play safe" society. A society filled with regrets. Superb post.

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    1. Hey Hey. Yes we are so happy being part of that society and play along. Sad!

      Delete
  22. That's a nice ice breaker post.
    I'm not going to talk about the post. Because we all know the underlying issue, we talk about it, in closed rooms may be, or even debate on the same thing for days and years. But end up rocking the same boat we once so criticised or even hated. Because we are part of the society and we need to be accepted in it. And what we want is, well who cares right? It's important that we get married and create babies. Otherwise, we would have failed as a person, human being.

    How have you been? Long time no see, no blog post, no Twitter. Wait, you sent out a test tweet in January I guess. Yes, I have been watching your movements. 😜
    Anyhow, welcome back. And keep the passion for writing and humor alive and us too. 🙂

    ReplyDelete
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    1. hahah I have been on and off the scene. I will try to keep the passion alive. Thank you soooooooo much for reading ak!

      Delete
  23. Ah! You are back! What a fun, your style post.
    I wish I had married like you suggested but I chose freedom over fear :P Silly me! Look at me - I am happy and I don't have regrets. God! What did I do? :D

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    1. hey!! so silly you are. Tcch Tcch!!!!!
      What will you do now? :P

      Delete
  24. Reality with a sprinkling of sarcasm. It's all about an assortment - love, mutual respect, stability, commitment, family values and much more. You get some and work on the others. It's work in progress.
    Hope the back is in perfect shape now.

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    1. If only life was lenient enough to give us the perfect balance of all the important criteria.But like you said, we got to work on it.
      The back is healing.

      Delete
  25. Ah! Pinch of sarcasm with undertones of realism (and some romanticism, maybe). Red, if I got the intent of the post right, is truly back.
    There is always hope that everything sort of works out. Marry for whatever reason, I say - as long as you think you've got the right person. Ah yes, but how do we figure that out? Oh well...

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    1. Now how do we know when we come across the right person. :P
      Mystery oh Mystery!

      Delete
  26. I know this is a satire. But, in real life, is this not a reality? Rich girls marrying a poor guy out of love and living happily ever after happens only in movies. My idea is evaluate the person before falling in love. Not a multi millionaire but at least if he is educated and both can live happily after marriage.

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    1. I like the fact that you are rational. If wish everyone was. Sadly some of us just run behind love.

      Delete
  27. Welcome back! Enjoyed reading this post... :) No comments about settling for security vs choosing love, each one has to make the best of what Life Offers Them...

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    1. hello there!! Yes its true. There is no wrong and no right.

      Delete
  28. You are back with a bang, Red! Whatta comeback :) Yes, so true that we have learned to compromise on all fronts. Security and family mean more to us- the mundane women that we cease to live in the present. We merely exist here and live elsewhere!!!

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    1. It is the sad truth. I wonder what is the purpose of life if its not according to what we desire. even if we desire to commit mistakes. :P

      Delete
  29. Great to see you back Red ! People who marry for security as basically insecure about their own capabilities :)

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    1. Hey. I wont necessarily say tht. I wrote satire but personally I believe everyone choose what they feel is best for them.

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    2. yep. Thats true too. Every person has to determine what's best for them.

      Delete
  30. Good to read you. This is a tough one - love versus security. If you choose one the other might seem more attractive over time. Who knows?

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    1. Yes the green grass syndrome. :D
      Thanks for reading.

      Delete
  31. And you are back with a post that's so in your style. I enjoyed the sarcasm behind the post and was rolling my eyes at the reality of the words too. Some people do marry for what I call the wrong reasons - security. Ha! Well, I married for love and it is because of the love that I feel secure. :)

    So good to have you back, Red!! Hope you are feeling better now. Now, please stay!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lucky you and God bless!
      I am getting better. Knowing that noone forgot me makes me so happy!

      Delete
  32. Good to see you back! what a post! Its stirring dead pasts.

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  33. What a post!!! Loved it... I chose 'love' and there is no bigger security or stability I need :)
    Hope everyone gets the intent of the post.

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    Replies
    1. and I would call u brave.
      Thanks a ton for reading!

      Delete
  34. Hi, Red! A post after soooo long!!

    "You were right in running away instead of trying to work things out. You chose reality over some fantasy of yours." So true, so many of us choose safer things, when it was necessary to fight for the right. And then we blame the destiny, which in reality is we ourselves to be blamed for our choices. Loved your post, write more often :D

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    1. Destiny is to be blamed for everything that happens. That is the general mindset of ours. We wont take the blame.
      Hello there!!!

      Delete
  35. I have colleagues and classmates and cousins too , who married for security / to see parents happy

    Deep down , we do understand that 90 % of people marry for security or sex.. I didn't for either.

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    1. I havent till now. But its scary!!
      How have u been?

      Delete
  36. Whew! I was so sure about the sarcasm when I started to read, but almost lost hope midway! How can anybody read this and not understand the stupidity of this idea?! It's sad to see everyone settle down in the world of make-believe.

    A well crafted post. This should serve as a facepalm for the materialistic society.

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    1. This post is actually for people on both sides. This post will be interpreted by you in way that suits your thought process.
      I am glad that you chose well.

      Delete
  37. Enjoyed reading your post. First time that I am commenting though I have been following your blog for sometime now.. I was actually wondering what happened that you suddenly disappeared from the scene. Hope all is well...Please do keep posting regularly..

    Regarding the post I really hope that people actually get the point and fight for their love and not just fall defeated to the societal pressures. Cheers to love!

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    1. hey hey. I am so glad that you commented. All is well just got very busy.
      I do hope for a world that is open minded enough to accept love.

      Delete
  38. Marriages are overrated anyway! If you find love, well and good. And hey, welcome back! I did miss reading you, Red.

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    1. Hey I missed writing too. Yay I am back and thank u for reading!

      Delete
  39. It is interesting to note that how very few people can understand sarcasm. I read a quote somewhere - The ability to respond with sarcasm within a few seconds of a stupid statement is a sign of a healthy brain!

    It is good to have you write again, even if it was at the expense of a few more pictures on your matrimonial profile! (:

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    1. I didnt understand the last line :P
      Thanks a ton for reading!

      Delete
    2. Hehe I think Manish means to hint that this was the possible inspiration behind this post :p or maybe I'm being captain obvious here :D
      By the way Red, I absolutely love reading your blog and everything you write about, resonates with me as well as plenty others, I'm sure. So I wish you all the best and please keep writing!

      Delete
  40. is that sarcasm i sense from the tone of the entire post ... ?
    cause i have actually endorsed the band wagon of rationalisim when it comes to love ...
    u better get your shit together women ,, (if the above is in fact a sarcasm (which is not entirely certain btw ,, from what i understand even u r not atmostly certain of your stand whether you choose love or reality ))

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    1. and I took you to be a hardcore romantic. :(

      Delete
    2. u mean dillusional ?? ha ha ha
      no i have woken up to the big bad world..

      Delete
  41. "No woman gets to marry the man she loved, even if both are the same physically" ~Guruji

    Good to see you back and angry

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    1. wow! haha.
      Thanks for reading.
      Me no angry :(

      Delete
  42. So there you're back and so much alive. :P Enjoyed the sarcasm sprinkled generously in your post. Loved it, Red.

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    1. hhaha how are you? Yes I am alive :)

      Delete
  43. OK! I got married when you went hibernating!!! And I loved the post till the end. I got something similar in my drafts, but somehow couldn't complete it. Like I read somewhere, the idea flew away and seeked the best person and it came out really well. I love you for that and everything.

    Btw, welcome back to the crazy world! <3

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  44. Back with a bang. Love the post and the irony behind. At some point thought you were serious!!

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  45. And sometimes, people don't even marry for security. They marry simply because their parents are emotionally blackmailing them (READ: their mom is threatening to commit suicide.) I wonder how they spend each day of their life, what kind of regrets do they live with!

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  46. Ah!! Read it twice to find your subtle humor(which I love) and then read it two more times. It's nice,practical and what not. All I want to say is whether one marries love or stability it is a gamble on both cases. Love to have you back

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  47. How I missed reading you!

    Love the sarcasm. I am looking for love through arranged marriage, I am not sure if that is even possible.

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  48. Let your heart decide whom you marry. Your head will screw up your life!!

    This soceity talk is actually so messed up!

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  49. I actually felt sad reading it... because I know how much it's true ... They have kids now but I have often wondered is it so easy to be forget everything and go with the flow of life.
    But I am sure you will have a kick-ass love story :D

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  50. Congratulations on the domain. Great step ahead. All the best. Happy blogging.

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  51. Hello there I thought this blog is obsolete and was about to unsubscribe. Phew!! Glad I didn't. :-)
    And Yes...I like the post.

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  52. Hey! Welcome back! As cliched as it might sound, you are back with a bang girl! Whatte post. Sarcasm hidden in every word yet you made it look like subtle truth. Awesome. People who chose fear live in regret. Well said!
    Congrats on the domain.:) treatttt timeee!! ;)

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  53. Sarcasm all through the post... And conveys the point in a very implicit and subtle manner... What is marriage, as per our society is... where a girl is married to a well-settled man (good job, salary, car and sometimes a house, etc.) Nobody understands that there is a need to be loved. Having said that, love can be misleading emotion/term. There are many people who give up everything (including self-respect) to marry their loved ones. In such a marriage also, there would be only vacuum. So, at the end of the day, what matters more is compatibility. Love or no love doesnt matter in the long run. Marriage is a different ball game altogether... I dont know if I conveyed my thoughts properly though.

    PS: Missed your posts and you... I would have visited your blog several times to see if you have posted something. Glad that you did! Hope all is well at your end!

    ReplyDelete
  54. Two things:
    1. I have read it fully.
    2. I knew from the title itself that you wouldn't propagate such a philosophy. (Even though I only know you virtually)

    Marry for security~ kill your conscience~ Look into the mirror after a few years~ say hello to a stranger~ NOT fall in love with the man you married~ got habitual to him and called it Love~ accept in your heart that you were a coward~ but on the face smile and show how happy (well settled ) you are~ kill yourself in the process

    Fear is a common phenomena. Everyone goes through it. It's easier said than done to propagate love over security and romantise it. It's a scary thought to oppose external forces and take a risk only to find it was worthless to be courageous.

    I d rather choose to remain single than to get married for the sake of getting married and become a stranger to myself.

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  55. A very beautifully penned post! :) I agree with you.. 'Love might fade away, so not take a risk?'.

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  56. Two things:
    1. I have read it fully. (Unlike many others) ;)
    2. I knew from the title itself that you wouldn't propagate such a philosophy. (Even though I only know you virtually)

    Marry for security~ kill your conscience~ Look into the mirror after a few years~ say hello to a stranger~ NOT fall in love with the man you married~ got habitual to him and called it Love~ accept in your heart that you were a coward~ but on the face smile and show how happy (well settled ) you are~ kill yourself in the process

    Fear is a common phenomena. Everyone goes through it. It's easier said than done to propagate love over security and romantise it. I d rather choose to remain single than to get married for the sake of getting married and become a stranger to myself.

    ReplyDelete
  57. I loved this post, because I battle this in my head everyday. Its terribly suffocating to deal with this trauma and I feel weak sometimes. You might have like minded people around you, but for me, even my siblings arent supportive. Love or security? Should i just marry for security and make everyone happy but myself. Or marry for love, and let that love wear off in a few years, and again be unhappy, because by then my family would disown me too. Or just stay single? It's over burdening and no one should have to deal with this kind of mental trouble. Great blog!

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  58. somewhere you have to choose between what you are meant to do and what you want to do

    wonderfully written :)

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  59. I married for love and it was a big mistake. Everything that my family said would go wrong actually went wrong, and I barely made it out with my life. :-| I have seen bad love marriages, and bad arranged ones. It's just a matter of luck, I guess.

    But if it has to go downhill, I would rather it happened with the guy I was in love with.

    Keep your fingers crossed, whatever you decide.

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  60. Relief to know that its just a sarcastic picture you have painted!! Because if that were real, ugghh! Love is of course an over-rated word but marriage for security is even worse. Good post, keep on fighting that tide.

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  61. What a fantastic post this was! I almost wished, I'd written it! I cried buckets when I saw the Notebook - true love....ahh! So rare! Your post has made me rather contemplative. Personally I never got the chance to explore the aspect of falling in love as I got married pretty young. It took me some years to fall in love with my husband but having no prior experience at love, I can never say if what I have is 'the one'! However a marriage of convenience in today's times is not mandatory...I guess times have changed, mindsets too. A wonderful post and a I hope to return soon for your next one.

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  62. Loved reading this one.. Although i am not in love or anything , but for all reasons listed above, i refuse to compromise and relentlessly continue to search for the right person. It definitely brings in a lot of Harassment from the relatives, emotional drama from the Mom, unsolicited advises from colleagues, friends ;but i know what i am doing is right. I personally know girls who have married because it was the right age, her family liked his family, he was well off blah blah and continue to play the role of perfect family, when in truth they are all but HAPPY. And i have known how painfully alone they actually are, but refuse to show it. I dread such things happening to me, so i am hell bent that i am not going for this typical marriages for sure.

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  63. Heya Red,

    I see this post as sarcastic, and boy do I love it.
    I forwarded it to my gf..! Quite a relatable thing right now. She's from a conservative family..! :P

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Spit It Out I Say !!!